DOSE: T+ 0:00	5.0 g	oral	Syrian Rue	(liquid)
T+ 1:00	8.0 g	oral	Mimosa tenuiflora	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

173 lb

Well, last night I had my first ayahuasca experience. It may well be my last. What I experienced effected me to the very core and I will never forget it. Here's what happened.

5 grams powdered syrian rue were added to a bottle of coke and left for a few days in the fridge. Upon the night of the experience, the solution was strained, the seeds boiled and then that liquid added to the coke. 8 grams Mimosa Hostilis was soaked in water (water is life) in tupperware for 48 hours. And then extracted 3 times in 2 parts water, one part coke.

The Rue was consumed with little nausea, but an hour later I was already ready to purge. I had only consumed half the mimosa over 15 minutes. I could not drink anymore, and threw everything up. Now I figured I would get little or no effects because I had read that 8 grams mimosa was a quite minimal dose, and I had only consumed half of it. I was oh so wrong. After I purged the effects came almost immediately. I turned the TV off and lay down in the dark. I began to see vivid flashes of blue electricy in the room. I was very aware of a presence not my own, (although I was alone).

Then things got crazy. I assumed the consciousness of the root itself. I saw, with some fear, the experience of soaking in that tupperware. Then I was the mimosa root itself underground. All the energy of this world and other parallel realities was flowing through me. I felt that I was something simple and organic and at the same time I was acting as a conducter to incredibly sophisticated, powerful, life force. There was an element of fear in these visions. As a human in root form, I felt buried alive. Then I returned somewhat to a more base line reality. I began to recieve much insight on my life, and personal nature. I just moved away from home to NYC 6 weeks ago, (I'm 18) so I have symbolically taken a step into the unknown, however, I felt at that moment I was truly immersed in the unknown for the first time. The intense life force and personality of the city awed me even though my resentment for modern culture and society has completely permeated my personality at this point in my life.

Now so far the experience had been quite intense, but nothing I felt unprepared for. All of a sudden, that changed. I began to feel I was looking directly into the eyes of death. There seemed to be so much energy flowing through me that I was staring into the timeless, infinite void of mortality. Ever since I witnessed my father's death from cancer, the awareness of mortality has built on my spirituality immensely, but I had never been so completely aware of the duality of existence and the void. I began to feel afraid. Although I had fasted since breakfast, I threw up again. I had the acute sensation that the syrian rue was very toxic. I was fighting for life and believed that although I wanted to hang on, much of me wanted to let go.

At this point, my suite mate, (I live in a college dormitory), came in the room and turned on the Yankees game. I let him know what was going on and he helped me through the fear just by being there, although he must of been quite weirded out. He doesn't do any drugs. I was saying over and over 'never again' and 'god damn' and even 'I hate drugs!' (ironic because I spend a large amount of my free time reading about entheogens and habitually smoke pot). My body was was at the beck and call of intense urges to dance, shake, and convulse. The mortal fear began to relax and I drank water and cleaned up the vomit around the toilet. But again I experienced a sensation of huge amounts of wild unchecked natural energy flowing through and around me.

People began to congregate outside my building. I felt they sensed what was happening. Every shout and call seemed an affirmation of this. Suddenly I realized there were four cop cars and an ambulance outside. Rob said 'who did you call?' Well I had only called my friend during the experience but I was still sure they were all there for me. Then after a few minutes of rampant paranoid fantasy, I heard that someone had comitted suicide and jumped from the roof onto the moondeck behind the building. Immediately I felt responsible. I thought in my battle to choose to live I had pushed death on this person. I felt I had tapped forces I previously had no idea existed let alone knowledge of how to control. I went to the room across the hall and looked out the window at the girls body spread eagled on the ground. There was a small pool of blood and the impact had been so intense that her shoes had come off. Then I spent a few minutes reflecting on the art on the walls of the room, and trying to fathom what had just occured.

I thought everyone knew I was responsiple. The cops came through the building and I lay down on my bed before they could realize I was stumbling and rythmicaly convulsing. I wanted to tell everyone I know at home what had happened over the phone, but instead I picked up my guitar and believing I was possibly headed to prison played better and with more soul than ever before (honestly). Gradually I found some inner peace. I turned on the TV and got under my covers and began to have the strangest psychic experiences. Everything that that was said on TV and in the next room I heard in my head in advance. It was astounding and I never would have believed it had I not experienced it. Sometime after 3 am I finally fell asleep. It had been perhaps an equally terrifying experience as witnessing the first plane hit the WTC. I am changed.

Within the next week Im expecting a package with an ounce of mimosa, of rue, 50 grams of B. Caapi and and an ounce of DC. I don't know what I'm going to do with it all. I was not prepared for ayahuasca in the first place, and I doubt I am now. I would much appreciate wise input on this experience. Why did such a supposedly minimal dose have this effect? Did I play a part in this girl's death or did I merely experience the interconnectedness of all conciousness on this planet? From the heart of the 'civilized' world thats it. I'm out.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 9934
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 12, 2002	Views: 18,563
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Mimosa tenuiflora (74), Syrian Rue (45), Huasca Combo (269) : Alone (16), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)