DOSE:	1.5 g	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
		smoked	Cannabis	(flowers)
		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

145 lb

On the summer solstice of 2011, I made a voyage north to my brother's house with a half ounce of psilocybin mushrooms, a pack of terrible cigars, and about an eighth and a half of potent marijuana. The smell of the mushrooms reminded me of sweet tobacco with undertones of chocolate, and a hint of something indescribable. I had purchased the psilocybin because my brother recommended I experience it on several occasions. On the ride there, before consuming any of the mushrooms or ganja, I felt waves of euphoria. A sensation that I was onto something, comparable to the feeling I get as I work on a new piece of music. I started to sort out the mistakes I had made in the past, noticing things I had done years before that I had repressed. But it was too little too late.

I sat with my brother in his room, a new house he was living at with his mother and her beau. I realize now that I should never have tried something as powerful as psilocybin in a new setting, with someone that I had not seen for months. We chatted, and caught up as old friends and brothers do, rolled joints, and then he decided that it was time. We had planned a short trek through the woods behind his house to a river. Hastily, we consumed our doses with no scale in sight to weigh them up. I ate about 4 caps which I estimate weighed less than 0.5 grams a piece, the amount he ate was about 4 times my dose. When we left his house for the river, the sun was at its peak. I chose the summer solstice explicitly for the reason that it would be the longest day in the year. We walked down a little footpath into the woods, and noticed a bloom of the endangered flower 'Ladyslipper,' noting cheekily the indication of such a nomenclature. By the time we were walking along the beach, I began to feel the 'rush' of the psilocybin entering my system. I sat down on a log and had a closed eye vision of a 4-petaled lotus flower opening up, revealing a white light. My brother hollered to me and I stepped up, smiling and stepping over a large pile of brush.

He was sitting on a large outcrop of rock, and I ambled up to him, feeling very euphoric. I could see everything in a resolution that was close to double what I can perceive normally. Every grain of sand, and every little detail in the texture of the rock was heightened, possibly because my pupils had most certainly dilated a great deal by this point. We sat and talked, reminisced, smoked much herb and tobacco. I remember telling him that I felt so good I just wanted to roll around in the fetal position. Then, as we both lay next to each other on our backs, he told me to look at a tree that was behind us. I could see its mighty trunk covered in deeply textured bark, rising up as far as it possibly could into the sky. “Just look – look at this tree!” he said to me. Solemnly, I said “I want to be a tree.”

We sat in silence for a couple minutes. Now, about an hour and a half in, I began to feel anxious. Before, the sun was high in the sky, not a cloud to be seen. We practically frolicked in a dream state - the perfect day. But just as the psilocybin began to break down in my body into psilocyin, the sky became crowded with mean grey clouds. My mind was already blown open by this time, and I believe that what happens next was a response by my mind which reverted to a primal situation, the archetypal “survival mind.”


My survival mind was abuzz with an ancient dialogue. 'Shelter, Fire, Water, Food' repeated in my mind, not as words but as concepts that were so achingly real and important it drove me into a state of panic. As the sky grew grey we watched a boat come down the river. I immediately assumed it to be a law enforcement boat, and I pictured the scene from their perspective, a couple of guys on the shore smoking some sort of plant material, doing god knows what for god knows what reason. White hot fear gripped me, and I asked for a cigarette. My brother obliged, and I said, “Now I know why a person standing in front of a gun squad will request one of these.”

Shortly thereafter, we disembarked, both becoming agitated. The sky was darkening prematurely, and I repeatedly reflected on the vision I had of the two of us hastily constructing a make-shift shelter from branches and boughs, which is something we did quite regularly as children. He called to me from the treeline, telling me to hurry up. Feeling rushed, I caught up with him, fearful and feeling separated, my mind running thousands of scenarios per minute, with all of them ending terribly. He must have picked up my negative vibrations; he put his arm around my shoulder. At this contact, the whole forest exploded in light, all of the greens and subtleties crowding my perception. I felt as though this was the spirit realm, and he was my spirit guide.

“Do you know the way back home?” I asked him. “Of course I do,” he said. We headed back on the trail, and I felt a connection to the ladyslippers that were blooming by the trail. We all have to fight so hard just to get our leaves into the sunlight. Back at his house, I did my best to hide the fact that I was tripping balls from his mother, with little success. We went into his room, and smoked herb, and I'm pretty sure I had a complete breakdown – tears and everything. I then wanted to make some phone calls, which he strongly suggested I not do. I then laid down and said my goodbyes, thinking that this was the moment I die. I watched as the sun set, another day gone by so fast. Time seemed to be compressed, my whole life compressed into an infinitesimal moment, 'this' moment seeming to go on and on and on. I closed my eyes and died.

Then I woke up, still tripping a little bit. I looked out of his window where he had an herb stalk growing. I still felt paranoid. But the plant in the window seemed to blend into the background of tall trees, giving the hallucinatory image that the trees were in fact gigantic marijuana plants. When the trip was over, I had a new found appreciation and respect for psychedelics and life itself.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 99102
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Mar 1, 2023	Views: 353
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Mushrooms (39) : Public Space (Museum, Park, etc) (53), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Performance Enhancement (50), Families (41), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)