DOSE:

2 hits

smoked

Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I had the urge today to sit in silence and do 'nothing' for 10 minutes. I was about to go to work so I decided to do it when I got home. My housemate and his girlfriend were doing something similar when I got home. He was massaging her neck and they were listening to a recording of a woman speaking in which every once in a while she hummed a note into something resonant and the tone got louder. I decided not to bother them and went into my room, turned out the lights, started listening to Sunn O))) and sat on my zafus and zabuton. It was 7:30:00pm

For a while I settled into a very light trance, but at no point did my thoughts stop for more than a second. Most of them became less pronounced than they usually are. I was undistracted until the music became unexpectedly rhythmic. I also realized I'd left my wallet in the car, so I started making a mental list of the things I would do when the 10 minutes were up. I started making guesses at how much time had passed…5 minutes…7 1/2 minutes…8, 9, ok I'll wait another 2 minutes to be sure, because it doesn't quite feel like it's been 10 minutes yet.

When I checked the clock it had been exactly 13 minutes. I retrieved my wallet, turned the playlist off 'shuffle,' put my headphones on, transferred my laundry from washer to dryer, and selected the song I was expecting to hear. I turned the lights off and started smoking a bowl, telling myself I would smoke the entire bowl and that I would remain seated, 'doing nothing' for the 23 minute duration of the song. I made it to about 14 minutes.

After I took the first hit I coughed a fair bit, then took another hit, making a sandwich. Not long after, I felt unease in my chest and began stretching my arms and torso to make it feel better. The unease gradually became more intense, but I continued stretching the way it wanted me to. Euphoria rushed through my body for a few solid minutes, during which I began flapping my arms like wings, stopping now and then to soar.

I'm going to take a moment now to try and piece together a description of what I felt. First of all, I was crashing into my stool and laptop sitting beside me with every flap of my left arm. I moved these each out of the way and continued to observe the sensations that occurred in the flying state for another minute or two. I hit the stool again and noticed as I moved it a second time, that the reality in which I was moving the stool was now considerably farther away from the reality where most of my attention was.

My spine straightened immediately as gusts of positive, healing energy flowed into my ribcage from the movement of my arms. I flapped with more confidence. I noticed that there was some difficulty in the movement of ol' lefty. I slowed down and allowed this healing energy to conduct more and more continuous segments of my arm's movement. Soon I was in full recollection of what the energy of flying feels like.

I contemplated the story of the man high on LSD (or other generic hallucinogen) who decided he would prove his sudden ability to fly by jumping out of a window. I decided if I ever found myself convinced of this ability, I would take Bill Hicks' advice and take off from the ground first.

I recalled that in the pages of Supernatural (Graham Hancock) I had read while at work, both Shamans in trance states which were induced primarily by psychedelic drugs, and people who report instances of being abducted and experimented on by aliens, also report seeing man-animal-alien hybrids chiefly including owls. I immediately tuned into the 'owl' frequency of my brain.

I remembered that so many depictions of man-animal hybrids in early cave art, generally believed to be depictions of psychedelic states, showed these beings impaled in various ways. Likewise there are universal reports of shamans undergoing psychedelic ego death saying they were brought to the spirit world and impaled, killed, torn apart, mutilated, and reassembled bearing spiritual powers or body parts. I began to feel panic that this might happen to me, and reminded myself that it would only occur on a spiritual level, and that humans everywhere do the same on the physical to animals of all kinds every day. This type of experience is so common, I thought, that I suppose it's fair game if I'm to explore my own mind. The mental phrase of 'fair game' set off another alarm as I realized it was as if I were already being hunted like the animal I had just felt a strong identification with.

I began tilting my head back and stretching my arms as wide as I could. I spun my arms around in circular patterns, small at first, but slowly getting bigger. I noticed that I habitually bent forward and stroked my forehead when I began to feel the slightest return of anxiety. I grabbed my forehead and purposefully and slowly placed it upright on top of my neck. A substance which gave me the impression it was some condensed universe essence, nothing more, oozed out of my forehead and got caught in my hands. I pulled it all out and started playing with it, simultaneously entertaining this idea as being completely real, and as a creative use of my imagination.

The weightless liquid flowed back and forth between my hands. I teased it into a narrow waterfall while pouring it like 99% invisible mercury from one hand to the other. I let it flow like a river away from me, finding its path in one palm, then the other, over and over. This turned into Qi Gong-like movements that essentially drew the negative energy out of my chest like a coiled rope being fed through pulleys in my hands. I experienced a clinging sensation to the fear and negativity that was leaving me. I actually felt like I might need it on my journey to integrate all the parts of myself together, and I instantly started pulling the rope of negative energy back in with my hands. I didn't notice this for a few seconds, but when I did I reversed them and let the rope leave me again, in its gradual way, assisted by the flow of energy through my hands.

After letting the negative leave my body, I began replacing it with positive energy, making pulling motions on the rope in front of me, coiling it gently in my stomach, then my heart. I felt whole, healthy, happy, transcendent when I came to the heart. I began playing with the energy again, spinning galaxies in my hands. I came back to the small pool of liquid and held it in my hands. I considered the prospect of drinking it and quickly imagined that it would have the placebo effect of drinking some liquid acid. This thought made me double over in very mild nausea and I took this opportunity to strengthen my mind. Without any more hesitation, I sipped the spiritual liquid I imagined to be sitting in my hands.

At that precise moment, the song I was listening to gave a screech of feedback and I heard low synthesized rumbles that hadn't been there before, and I felt their equivalent in my stomach. The next couple of minutes of the song were full of synchronistic moments that corresponded to physical sensations and caused me to believe I was in a process of transformation.

I circled and flapped my arms more dramatically with, and gradually more often without regard to the music. I felt energy coursing through my entire body and followed a sudden urge to stand up. The headphones, my umbilical cord to the musical womb of that song, whipped off my head and remained attached to the computer. I made several grand, full-bodied movements á la Tai Chi before deciding to plug in my speakers and get to writing. The same song was still playing.

I thought about colors for a while, wrote some nonsensical philosophies about two different wavelengths of light giving birth to a new wavelength that shares characteristics of the two parents. I remembered that earlier in the day I received an unofficial invitation to take part in an ayahuasca ceremony from my new friend 'J.' I realized that this would most likely change my life in some of the same ways that LSD has. I decided I would do everything in my power to make sure to proceed safely and mindfully, as I fully intend on taking ayahuasca in the upcoming months. I wrote all this, in the process listening to several songs and selecting a more upbeat playlist, and it is now 10:10pm.

Exp Year: 2013	ExpID: 98993
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Jun 18, 2020	Views: 752
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