DOSE: T+ 0:00	1 hit	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 1:00	1 hit	oral	LSD	(blotter / tab)
T+ 3:30	1 tablet	oral	MDMA
T+ 3:50	2 hits	smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

132 lb

Is This Ego Death That I Experienced

Around 5:45, my friend and I took our first single hit of stamps, we then waited an hour exactly to take our second one. The first 3-4 hours was nothing but pure bliss and laughter, the physical, mental, visual high was overwhelming but no fear at all, actually felt invincible, laying on the bed, in the room in total darkness, listening to trance music. I can see a tribal village dancing on the walls, nothing but colors changing and merging. It was so beautiful, at one point I looked at my friends valentines day card her boyfriend had given her and it had a rose on it, it started to open n I saw stars flying, streaking thru it, as if I was seeing space, flying thru it within this flower. I began to cry hard but it was pure joy. I loved the place I was in so much, to the point where I would tell my friend, ”..why would anyone want to keep us away from here.?..’ we felt like little girls, like innocent children playing our imaginary world , even Britney Spears sounded n felt amazing.. Lol

At 9:15 we took a molly. As soon as it hit us 20 mins later, we were on a complete other level, so happy beyond explanation. My friend rolled up a blunt a marijuana n …’I said sure y not’…big mistake…

I took two good hits, n my friend told me she wanted to blow me up with glowsticks or glowballs we we had. She had mentioned that when she did it for her bf when they tripped together, he called her Shiva because it looked like she had eight arms…

When she said ”youre going to call me Shiva”... The room turned dark red n her whole persona turned evil, villain like. When she went to go turn off the light, something told me’ if she turns off that light, you're going to die…’ I knew exactly what was happening, I got up from the bed n panicked ”I'm having a bad trip!” my mind kept telling me "y did you smoke, you know you can't smoke" but because I was being selfish and just wanted to intensify my trip. It did some stupid shit... She looked at me with an evil look in her eyes, “what? Y? Whats wrong?” in a cynical way. I felt my soul sink to my feet, and seep thru my toes into the ground. I felt hopeless, helpless, my body began feel empty, it was pure fear and regret and denial. I felt like this was my judgement, this was my time to repent and ask for forgiveness because I'm about to die. The song playing in the back at that time, “Love rain down” by George Acosta, became an eery song .. “ let your love rain on me”…..it was spiritual and scary as hell. I hunched over asking god “no no please!!”, I stood up and began to pray “please god please no I'm sorry, I'm sorry forgive me”. Images of my daughter came and, I kept saying to myself “I cant leave her, I cant leave her behind..” I stood up but put my hands on my face and said “I'm immortal!”, my friend knew what was up when I yelled it, grabbed me by arms telling me that I'm a good person and not to be afraid, and that she loves me, she grabbed me and held me close. It felt as is by hugging me, I was being forgiven of my “sins”. I then looked up at her face and asked her to open the door, and she said “why...are you sure?…” fearing I was going to do something crazy like or hurt someone who at the house. But my mind told me,” if she doesn’t open that door, you're going to die”…as if whatever higher power is out there, used her image, to be the one to set my fate. It was my judgement day. This was it, this moment if she opened the door.

I told her “I promise I wont do anything just please open the door.” she cautiously opened the door, and as soon as I stepped foot out of the room, I felt liberation, everything turned white, my friend said I ran out the room like a bat out of hell. I ran out the front door, I went to the front patio and everything was still, time had stopped, and I sat down like wtf just happened... And felt as if I was set free, like as if I for now on have the privilege to come back this place, now that I have a whole new respect for it (the LSD), I wasn’t scared of doing it, just had a new view of it, respect...

I will never see life the same, it made my friend and I realize that nothing else matters at the end, only that you’ve done good in your life, and don’t take it or anyone for granted, and to be around people who care about you and trust. My whole aspect on life and people is totally turned around. When I looked this up, and read about ego death…I wanted to cry as I read what would happen. I do believe this what I experienced, but I'm glad I did.

Exp Year: 2012	ExpID: 96891
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 24
Published: Feb 2, 2023	Views: 390
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Cannabis (1), MDMA (3), LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Bad Trips (6), Combinations (3)