DOSE:

mg

oral

Pharms - Alprazolam

(pill / tablet)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

I started having panic attacks when I was 21 and in college. For 8 years I self-medicated with alcohol and didn't tell anyone but my then boyfriend, who made a pathetic attempt to help me until it got annoying and interfered with his life.

After 8 years of being bombarded with terror from nowhere, I mentioned to my OB/GYN that I had a real problem with travel and anxiety. We were getting ready to move from DC to St. Louis with 2 young kids. He wrote me a script and the trip was a piece of cake, except that I was breastfeeding my infant daughter. She slept a lot. I still feel bad about that.I was taking 1 or 2mg tops then. 3 years later I got a doctor to give me Prozac which changed everything! I had been severely depressed for some time.
In 2002 I became ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and could no longer work to support myself. Had divorced in 1990. I got a disability check but it wasn't enough, so I lived in my car for about 6 months. I met a guy with a van and a dog and we hooked up. I felt much safer and sleeping was better because I could stretch out.

He dumped me and I became depressed.

One afternoon I was at a park relaxing, journaling, smoking cigarettes and taking Xanax. I just wanted to sleep and escape the misery I was in. I must have taken too many. I was in a haze. All of a sudden something told me that I was not safe, that I should get up and go. If I had passed-out there, God only knows what would have happened!! I stumbled towards my car and dropped some stuff about 15ft away from it. A woman, probably walking or jogging on the trail of this very popular park, asked me if I was okay. I said 'I'm fine' and then it was as though something pushed me hard and I fell and couldn't get up. I was planning on DRIVING in this condition. I heard the woman say 'You are NOT fine!' and before I knew it I was going to the ER.

Now, I was there for 4 hours, but I only remember 2 things. I talked them into letting me go, but they also called arranged for a police car to follow me. I told them I was just going to sleep in my car, which happened to be about 100yds from the ER. I got in and drove about 4 blocks to my usual parking/sleeping spot. I was almost there when I looked down for something and my car lurched to the right and scraped down the side or a car parked on the right side of this one-way street. I was upset but just pulled into my spot, knowing that the cops would probably show up, so I just waited. Next thing I know:'BAM BAM BAM!!!' at my window. There were at least two cop cars and about 8 people total there. They asked me if I had been drinking but I hadn't. But they arrested me for 'leaving the scene of an accident' (charges dropped later). I only have tiny tidbits of memories during the time they put me in the car, took me to the station and booked me and then let me go. I looked at some of the other women mostly sleeping and I laid down also. Next thing I knew they called my name. I was puzzled when they said that someone bailed me out. I have absolutely no recollection of having called a friend who came down and paid the bail. I have no memory of going to the bondsman's office and telling him I didn't want to do whatever it was that I was supposed to do. I walked away from my friend barefoot. I don't know what happened to my shoes. I walked about 20 blocks in a blistering hot August day. I don't remember calling another friend, or her allowing me to stop at the store and get some candy on the way to her house. I wasn't right for a few days. When the angry bondsman called me, I couldn't figure out why. I took care of that obligation.

Here's the really scarey part. I went back to the hospital and got copies of the ER visit report - about 10 pages!! I looked them over and saw that I had been asked a whole bunch of questions, talked to about 5 people, and gave them all the right information. I saw where I said 'He's not worth it.' So I guess we decided that it was an accidental overdose caused by my hurt feelings and severe stress. Pages and pages of info. Questions answered correctly. And I have no recollection except the inserting of a catheter (to get my urine for a drug screen) and a nurse drawing some blood. That's a total of about 30 seconds out of 4 hrs.

It was a really fucked-up few days, thanks to too much Xanax. But honestly? I'm glad I don't remember much!!

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 93113
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 46
Published: Apr 11, 2012	Views: 21,385
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Pharms - Alprazolam (98) : Difficult Experiences (5), Bad Trips (6), Health Problems (27), Alone (16)