DOSE:	repeated	inhaled	Nitrous Oxide	(daily)
	repeated	smoked	Cannabis
	repeated	IV	Methamphetamine
			Vitamins / Supplements

BODY WEIGHT:

50 kg

An Affair to Remember: My Decade with Nitrous Oxide

Over a period of ten years I have done enormous quantities of nitrous.

It started off innocently enough at an underground outdoor rave at 17 after a bad first reaction to ecstasy. That was one of the best nights I can remember though. The kindness of strangers, the magic and excitement of new worlds to discover and ultimately the bonds formed with seemingly random people who took me under their wing for a night and introduced me to all sorts of drugs including nitrous.

I decided to experiment on my own and went to a rave store and purchased 1 packet of isi bulbs and a whipped cream canister and went home. I inhaled and instantly I was in a fluorescent world where the pulsing beat of techno music was running through me. I could see a stick figure neon dj and the beats of the music were pulsing in fluorescent lines through my body like a synchronized x ray. I was blown away and the feeling of complete and utter bliss and euphoria had me hooked.

Due to an extremely dysfunctional upbringing, I was incredibly troubled at 17 and started to spiral out of control and “act out”. Drugs and nitrous, in particular, became my best friend. It was legal, I didn’t need anyone and for the first time in my life I felt happy and free while I was on it. Mixing it with weed became the ultimate high for me besides meth.

I began a ritual of cleaning my room, showering, getting into my pajamas, getting my music ready and lining up my boxes on my bed next to me and then I would load 2 canisters into the charger at a time and I was ready to go. Over the years this would range depending on what I could afford from 3 boxes to ultimately 12 boxes (144 charges) in a sitting. Near to the end of my usage I was unfortunate enough and fortunate enough to have a traumatic experience where I got a government payout which paid for my habit. I say fortunate because I never had to sell all of my things to cover an enormous daily habit which cost me thousands. I got rid of about 4 or 5 canisters over the years as I quit and took it up again and I can honesty say that I have never found any other drug more addictive and I have tried nearly all of them. Luckily I only tried heroin twice because I have a feeling that one would be right up my alley!

I know that most people think that nitrous high is relatively short but my method was to constantly keep that going by smoking weed to begin then loading the canister and taking alternate breaths of nitrous, holding it, breathing it out then taking another hit of nitrous then so on and so on for hours on end. I found I was much more highly attuned to energy whilst on nitrous and could sometimes control any nausea by shifting my energy to the exact right frequency (through movement and concentration) so that I would be okay. I found in my later years of nitrous usage that taking a multivitamin / herbal supplements and having water or something with sugar like vitamin water on hand would also be really helpful. I was taking medication on and off during this period too such as Edronax, Seroquel and Valium but not with any regularity.

Although I have 90% of the time done nitrous alone, I have also done it with balloons & garbage bags (stupid I know) in social settings. Sometimes my experiences would be so incredibly beautiful where upon taking that first hit, I would be bungee jumping down the steepest cavern imaginable at an incredibly fast speed or my bed would change into a racing car and I would be going down a road. Then my room would instantly be transformed into some sort of social setting with hippie looking guys with those triangle Asian hats smoking joints outside my window. It felt like I was in some sort of tropical paradise. The smell was incredibly real and the look of the smoke wafting from their joints was so realistic. The scenes would change from a joyous spirit parade going through my room which looked like an ancient Asian cobbled spiraled path with bizarre friendly looking creatures similar to ones from a Hayao Miyazake film. There was one friendly one that was just a light shining from somewhere in my room and I would say hey to the spirit as if I were greeting an old friend. Shining images of people I knew looking down lovingly, as though their spirits were lovingly watching over and communicating with me. As night fell, my room would be transformed into a retro style bohemian scene with a beautiful alluring woman amidst the beautiful patterns forming and changing on my walls.

Other times I would see beautiful cherub angels made of beautiful light just emanating love and one that I would see frequently looked like a Victorian china doll with red hair and a wise face. She wore a gown that was white with gold detailing and would sprinkle red dust on me. The dust was so realistic, I would feel the dry grittiness of it and smell the scent of it like a really sweet earthy version of paprika, although that doesn’t really describe it. It happened once where I was doing nitrous with friends and the same angel appeared and was sprinkling the dust on my friend.

One of the most profound things I have experienced was a time when I really felt like I had died and was waking from a dream. It’s hard to put into words but I was crowned with Indian feathered headgear and it was so real like I was awakening into the true reality and the other reality was simply a dream. There were unknown beings surrounding me from above and they were chanting. Another time I remembered seeing millions and millions of atoms and they were swirling and swirling around to form the shapes that made up the entire universe and upon coming out of the trip I remembered saying and thinking that I had found the secret the universe, the meaning of existence . At the time it seemed crazy and was hard to fathom but as I evolved and progressed on my spiritual path I found that all of the texts I studied confirmed these things I had seen. I know it’s a common theme to many nitrous experiences to have deep mystical insights and forgetting upon coming out of a nitrous trip but as time went on I found I was able to remember them and I moved out of experiencing nitrous internally per se to experiencing things outwardly with my eyes opened and as time went on even further I found that the “hallucinations” or images I perceived were as real as this reality.

One of the interesting things I noted over a long period of nitrous use and addiction was that the images I saw changed as I evolved. When I began my nitrous journey I would see faint outlines of people that I knew were alive that would change into vampire like creatures, grabbing another’s throat and sucking at it viciously. There would be incredibly realistic blood dripping everywhere, sometimes filling up my car when I would have a nitrous binge in there and hundreds of black crickets (at the time something I feared very much).

As I progressed on my path, healing my wounds and releasing traumatic memories I no longer saw these fearful images. This was very much reflected in my drug usage as a whole. At the beginning of my drug usage, I wasn’t able to take acid or ecstasy without freaking out and becoming extremely paranoid and fearful but as I released these things from my body I was able to have the best times on these drugs. From experience and research I believe that drugs truly reflect our inner states and repressed issues that we may not be consciously aware of at the time. In my teen years and early twenties I was not consciously aware just how much trauma and pain was stored on my body.

I believe that nitrous, as with any drug, opens up awareness of other realms. Once I saw the image of a friend at the time, walking like she was blind and I heard school children calling her “peepy eyed”, as if they were taunting her. The next day she told me she had a lazy eye which I hadn’t noticed before.

Light cannot exist without a shadow and there were also a ton of bad nitrous binges too. I was pretty out of control and used to drive doing nitrous throwing up and then taking another hit. Once when I was driving I thought this torso hit my car and I started shaking and it completely freaked me out. It felt like dark forces were playing cruel tricks on me. I would sometimes see three demons who would torment me. There was a childlike one made of blood who would laugh and mock me on my windshield. And an enormous demon with one eye that I saw once that freaked me out. He reminds me now of the creature in Pan’s Labryinth who eats children.

My nitrous binges started turning darker as my addiction grew deeper. I remember driving down the convenience store to get my daily nitrous fix and I just panicked when my transaction was declined. I had funds in my savings account but not in my everyday eftpos account and it just showed me how off the deep end I was becoming. At that time I was doing 6 – 12 boxes nearly every day. I was working in a bar at the time and shooting up meth and pills before and during my shifts and I was slowly becoming insane.

I started seeing an obese pig like creature that would thunder towards me. I would wait petrified for it to disappear but it would thunder and jump right into my body. I got really scared and when I closed my eyes all I could see was a thick black wall made out of the fractals that I see on nitrous. I would see a crescent appearing and ancient symbols dropping down from my roof and then a gigantic centipede creature that would say “we come in peace” and then it would march closer and closer to my face until it would attack my eyes with its claws. They were sharp and I could feel them digging into my eyes and scratching them. I started experiencing these poltergeists like spirits, like young teenage ghouls. I would hear my sliding door opening and I would go to check it and it would be locked and I would hear them laughing maniacally at the pranks they were playing, like rattling my windows. Again, it’s hard to put into words but there was a darkness that I was attracting that started to deeply shake me up but, at the time, I was incredibly lost in my addiction and I could not stop. There was a part of me that felt more comfortable living in this insane dark world then face reality. I was suffering a lot at the time.

I began to see a spiritual healer after the pig incident and I remember after she did a clearing she told me that she had seen a lot of “interesting” entities that were attached to me. I did some clearings with smudge sticks and burnt incense round the clock but there felt like there was a lot of dark energy attached to my flat.

In my final days the images were so real they were indistinguishable from me touching a solid object. Once in my room I saw these blob like creatures and it looked they were having a meeting with chairs set up and a stage. Suddenly they all turned around and looked at me and I realized it was a Ku Klux Klan meeting and they were about to attack me. I actually jumped out of my room and I wouldn’t go back in there for ages. The things I was seeing wouldn’t disappear even when I wasn’t on nitrous and any time I did drugs of any sort I would see the same orb that would chase away the angelic figures when I was on nitrous. I also saw that same orb coming down off of acid and I was terrified and it felt too crazy to tell the guy I was seeing at the time. I’ve later found out that some people believe orbs are ghosts in the forms of balls of light which I had no idea of at the time.

I no longer do nitrous. I moved from my hometown to a hippy beachside town to do some major healing work and cut myself from the scene I was involved with. I’ve done a lot of reading on natural medicine and psychology and how to heal after heavy drug use and psychosis. I guess the main thing that I’ve learnt is that I’ve had a glimpse of the infinite nature of myself and the universe but the key to obtaining these states permanently lies in practices such as meditation and healing the body and the organs. I definitely hit rock bottom and as they say at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation and I have found God, not the Christian version of God but my version. A higher power that I do not fully understand but have no doubt exists. It’s a day to day process and I’m taking one step at a time. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Exp Year: 2001-2010	ExpID: 92980
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 26
Published: Feb 19, 2022	Views: 856
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Nitrous Oxide (40) : Combinations (3), Retrospective / Summary (11), Mystical Experiences (9), Entities / Beings (37), Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)