DOSE:	60 mg	oral	Oxycodone	(daily)
			Pharms - Diazepam	(daily)
			Pharms - Sertraline	(daily)
			Pharms - Pregabalin	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

127 kg

Problem With Medical System and Patient Care

I've been reading reports on hear for many years but I thought I'd ever be writing one. My experience is to do with my medical system in my country and the treatment of patients and diagnosing. In my early 20s I had a very bad heroin problem. After loosing a job and a girlfreind I found myself hopeless and a void emerged. Typically in early adulthood you experiment with substances but what happened to me was like leading a second life in the underbelly of my area's drug culture. I began smoking heroin then injecting. Looking back I think partially it was my inability to deal with my issues and the ready availability of the drug at that particular time. I found myself not only becoming a 'junkie' which by the way I feel is not the right word to use for most people with drug dependency, but also at the mid to high level 'middle man' position within my particular sub-cultural drug ring. Today I find my actions back then to be stupid and iresponsible but that is what heroin is capable of. I say that heroin is like a person. Some people gender define it some call it their friend. Or a bad big brother. I found it to be like a long term jail sentance. Or a dictator of a government under rule with and iron fist but also very personal and invading.

After coming to my senses and finding help I got on the local methadone program and got a job and got myself clean. The feeling of being free from this ugly thing was so great that it defined who I was. But we must remember the abuse of such a drug effects last long after you are clean and I will in someways always miss it but hate it. Emotionaly and physically I have the scares always. But I felt quietly proud and strong for the first time in years. I met a girl who I'm still with. I filled my bank account up again and I once again became a functioning member of society. I worked hard and gained satisfaction in this instead of hunting done a small bit of white rock and a syringe.

Then last year I hurt myself at work and found out I had a bulging disc. A foot drop and sciatic nerve damage. The pain is like nothing I can describe. I then had an operation to remove the disc and fix the problem.

The most important point is the fear of being given, all be it medically required was painkillers again. It was probably one of the worst situation as an addict I could find myself in. I knew I had to have the operation. And that it would require some pain relief of course in the form of opiate based drugs. And also I would need on going pain relief after it. I tried so hard to stay to a minimum of dosage in hospital and the doctors and staff were all aware of my situation but almost instantly after my first injection of morphine post op I was back in that dark place again. I refused endone for breakthrough pain and oxycontin for longer lasting relief but when I got out of hospital my mind was filled with the old patterns of thinking. I was angry for being so weak. I was grieving the loss of my years of being clean.

At first after the operation I just took a minimum amount of oxycontin. One 15mg dose in the morning. Then after realising that the op did not fix everything properly I was thrown back into this complicated dilemma. I saw pain specialist. Surgeons. Had scans done and test. I found that I was left with a permanant condition known as RSD (Reflex sympathetic dystrophy) I basicaly had extensive nerve damage in my back leg and foot and also on going back pain. I resisted the normal treatment of painkillers and pushed all my doctors to find me another way to deal with my medical issue. I was shocked to find out that they do not have much to offer. There were some options that I am pursuing but overall your run of the mill GP will just write out scripts for you just to manage the pain. After months of small doses of oxycontin I was well and truly addicted once again. I still hate myself for allowing myself to yield to the pain and fill my prescritions of oxycontin 20 mg 3 times daily. Valium for the muscle spasms, lyrica for the RSD. Also just to top it off zoloft for my post op depression and anxiety. Basically with my condition I have an endless supply if I wish to pump myself full of painkillers and benzos. The perfect storm for me.

So to bring you up to the present a year later I am now taking 20mg 3 times a day and polishing off a box of 50 10mg tabs of valium almost every 2 to 3 days if I want. Not to mention the occasional script of temazepam or any other benzo that I feel like taking. Plus to top up panadeine forte which is parcetamol and 30 mg of codiene. Tramadol is also on the endless list of drugs that the doctors will give me with my conditions. It must be clear I take full responsibility for what I put in my body but I also think there needs to be a better understanding of certain medical conditions that involve taking painkillers. In this day and age we still have doctors out there writing script after script after script. Even without my past history it would be very easy to fall into the trap that I'm in. There is a disconnection or lack of understanding and communication somewhere from patient care to local GP. When a medical condition seems to hard to figure out it seems to be the case that they throw drugs into the mix.

I want to point out that I dont blame anyone for my addiction. Every action has a reaction. I dont wish to comment on the actual details of taking oxycontin and valium and how great it is or how smashed I get. Or the days I cant remember. Or the nights I lie in bed crying from the pain then reaching for my pills. It is no way to live. I am in a prison and its as if no one is here and I can do whatever I want but I dont have the key to get out and be free. Freedom is not just physical but freedom of the mind and soul is so important.

On the surface I have a medical condition that requires me to take these powerful drugs and yes at times I indulge in more than I should but out of my own weakness. But its also the system and the medical community that the answers are with. More discussion on these topics needs to be out there. Not just how smashed you got or how best to take the drug of your choice.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 90947
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: May 13, 2020	Views: 1,761
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Oxycodone (176) : Not Applicable (38), Medical Use (47), Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11)