DOSE:

80 mg

insufflated

DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

105 lb

Having had my first hallucinogenic experience be an impulsive dance with what is known to be the most powerful tryptamine in the world, my experience with DMT was quite possibly the most interesting 25 minutes I have ever lived.

Sitting on the floor of my loft conversing about the subjective effects of a mysterious powder my friend just insufflated, I was composed and calm, listening to the chatter of the boys in the room. The mirror already broken out, I lit a cig and sipped on some iced tea. It was a regular night for us, just drug talk and friends.

“If you are planning on snorting the DMT I made, let me know, I really wanna know what it’s like” my friend, we’ll call him DR, looked at my boyfriend. Generally apprehensive about hallucinogens, I knew his anxiety reared up, “Ok, I’ll let you know…” I looked at him, aloof as to why he was so complacent about it, when in reality it would be a very serious issue for him. DR turns to me, the mirror already on his lap, he spoons out some of the spirit molecule, and says “What about you? You wanna blow some?” I was calm, unusually at ease with the situation at hand. I had hardly even met DR and his girl twice, but for some reason I knew that the environment I was in was one safety and sheer curiosity.

I had smoked DMT only once before, but had never broken through, the swirls of colors were cool, but I could just not leave the ground, I had too much control. It was nothing like what I have heard people experience.

Perhaps I had too much hype, being that this tryptamine was supposed to make you witness god and the inner working of the universe, perhaps it was the atmosphere, or perhaps it was just me.

As I stare down at the line in front of me, I was fully aware of the repercussion. 20-30 minutes of an intense, coma-like trip… it was not the night I had planned, nor was it something I had ever thought I was going to try again.

Before I knew it, I snorted a line of lidocaine and moved straight to the DMT. Even know as I recall this experience my heart races with the memories of time.

I took it all in one shot, and before any one could say “Damn, I feel like a pussy…” I was on the couch, sitting up trying to make sense of what was going on around me. The effects were almost instantaneous. The physical world around me seemed to be ebbing and flowing, time itself was speeding up and slowing down and things were morphing into themselves. Things seemed brighter, my vision more acute. The room itself was breathing. Too much for me to handle I put my feet up and my head down, the only reprieve I had from the intense stress my body felt was letting completely go. I buried my face into my hands and lifted off.

My arm melted into my body as I was searching for the visuals that seemed to beckon me into their realm. It was completely dark, the last thing I could make out in the real world was DR astounded that in 2 mins, I was completely lifted. As my whole body melted away into the universe, it was as though a whole new world lay before me, a dark, yet vibrant, color world. The world was almost compartmentalized, expanding from the center of my head, right between my eyes. I was torn between the real world and DMT land, and it was making me sick to my stomach. I sat up abruptly, after what seemed like an hour, and looked around the room, nauseous. “Ok, I’m done. I’m back.” I begged, but the room was still spinning, it was an effort to stay cognizant. DR, his girl, and my boyfriend stared back, morphing into each other and said “No you are not.”

As if I released all efforts to stay grounded, I gave into the experience, and fell back on the couch, and covered my eyes.

The dark compartment filled with lights and colors, it was infinite darkness, yet every color exploded in front of me. My body melted away and my breathing stopped, my stomach pains were the only thing keeping me from completely and utter release. The swirling keilodscope of colors morphed into figures. Near the end of the world was an apex, a hole, a rift in the eternal realm that the figures were helping me towards. As if they picked me up out of my body, reaching towards my reality, they lifted me up and guided me towards the end of world. Flashes of fractals colors that morphed into the beings had no end and no beginning, only an apex at the center with which everything was coming out of, and going in to. The fractals created the most beautiful flowers and pulsating images I have ever experienced.

Ten minutes in…

I wasn’t breathing. I had no body, and I was not breathing. I stood up again, grounding myself, and ran into my room. It needed to be dark, I was curious and the idle chatter of my guests was staving my experience.

I jumped on my bed and closed the door. I was cold, and couldn’t breathe, death itself had taken my consciousness and it was no longer pleasant, but was not in the least bit alarming. I closed my eyes and again and told myself to remember to breathe and that this was a blessing to experience. I said a prayer, asked my Hindu god of choice to stay the fuck away from me as I did not need any elephant gods right now. The colors were back, the figures exploding….then abruptly they were gone. I opened my eyes and my room was dark, wires exploded all over the room as if I was on a giant circuit board. Energy ran through everything in front of me and it was vibrant and colorful, my open eyed visuals were intense and I stared at my blanket as if I could see every thread that comprised it. I was melting into my bed. I adjusted my self, and giggled, this was intense. I was so curious in nature, I felt as though I was a wayward sprite finally experiencing her rightful home. I snuggled under a blanket and breathed my way back into my closed eyed visuals.

I adjusted my head, it was as if where ever I laid my head, the visuals stemmed from. Again, the colors and lights, although a little less vibrant were spewing from right between my eyes. The figures were back, and this time they were dancing, continuing to beckon me into their realm. 15 mins into the trip and I was ready to be done. The air my lungs lacked made me uncomfortable, but so did breathing. Having any control of my body made me sick to my stomach, but I couldn’t let go of my breath. I was buffering leaving my body, and immediate reality, and it sucked. Suddenly, I became very aware of my body and the darkness that surrounded me. I yelled for my friend, I’ll call her Fray, “FRAY!” I yelled, I needed someone to help me come back to life. Light filled the room as she entered and in the corner of my dark room, gears and mechanical clockwork spun, as time was once again entering the equation. I closed my eyes as she sat on the bed with me, spurts of electrical color wafted in and out as I finally was coming back to earth. My breathing became easier, and my stomach less tight. I took a deep breath, and called from my friends. It was time for people, I needed them to bring me back to this world for fear I would never return.

I am truly blessed to have experienced death, I will forever live in the light of it, and not for fear of it. Hours after my trip I came to the realization that this is all bullshit. This material world is one that we have created for ourselves to mask the fact that we will die, and we will become apart of the eternal energy. There is no god, but the one within ourselves. The universal energy is what binds us, and it is what we will become apart of as we delve into world. Days after my trip I come to realize that my body is my only limitation, my mind and soul should be explored and revered, and though my body is a vessel, it is not the end.

I have always believed that there is truth in patterns. Anything that is repeated is worth noticing. Have you ever noticed how the fundamentals of most things are congruent? Quantum physics and particle theory, string theory, Chi, geometric dimensions? Time and space movement? This trip solidified my ideas, beyond the words I’ve written here, beyond the hallucinogenic poison, it opened me up to myself and I have only benefited from that. We are eternal energy, pulsing and moving. What cannot be created, cannot be destroyed.

No more DMT for me, I think I will start meditating however. My pineal gland will not remain untapped :)

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 90895
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: Nov 6, 2012	Views: 5,099
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DMT (18) : Entities / Beings (37), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1), Small Group (2-9) (17)