DOSE: T+ 0:00	50 mg	smoked	DMT
T+ 0:20		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

128 lb

Was a little nervous, but very excited about trying DMT for my first time, having previously tripped on shrooms (liberty caps), truffles, LSD and LSA. Had mentally enjoyed all of them bar my sole experience on truffles which was a bit miserable, I had coped with that well though, I thought. My friend Dan, who I had known for about a month, wanted to make sure I really felt the DMT so he tipped 100mg in a pipe to share between us. I didn't know at the time how huge this dose ('50mg'... possibly up to around 80mg) was and just trusted him; mistake!

We were in his bedroom both sitting up on his double bed with low-ish lights and no music. I took the first hit and passed it back to him, he took a hit and passed it back. Still not feeling anything, I made my second rip a huge one and felt it straight away. My last sober-ish thought as I passed it back was “oh dear, the DMT is on fire” as it was still burning. That thought and passing the pipe back was already happening very slowly.

Well I took too big a rip and had to cough as I exhaled, trying to keep coughing and exhaling in steady motions though because I didn’t want to start hardcore coughing up a lung. My coughs felt like metallic, robotic waves. I feel like the coughing and resulting tightness in my chest led to me feeling uncomfortable physically and played a big part in my bad experience, although of course there’s no way of telling.

Well I lay back and immediately the room disappears. Everything is replaced with a very dark grey kind of starry scene, like a fuzzy channel on a TV kind of. It’s hard to remember the order of things but I remember saying “Oh Jesus”. I’m not a Christian, I’m agnostic, but things were already getting very intense and I guess that was my way of coping. Dan, who only felt very mild effects (either because I burned a lot of it or smoked a whole ton with my second hit), says that I said “Oh God” about six or seven times after that. I remember that. At this point I still remember where I am I guess, and that Dan is there, and I was wanting him to kind of help me I guess, but not knowing him well enough to ask or knowing what he could even do. At least for the first couple of ‘Oh God’s, anyway.

The accompanying feeling was one of intensity, to put it mildly. I was in the dark grey starry place, which kind of felt like space, and things were rushing past me I guess, and just sort of happening to me all at once. My skull felt like it was being crushed by everything I was experiencing. I was still saying ‘Oh God’ at this point I guess. I remember thinking from what I had read that it would all be over in a hour, and the thought of ‘20 minutes’ crept in relating to the bulk of the experience, but I couldn’t be sure what that meant or if it was true. ‘20 minutes’ was also too complicated to process so I disregarded it. The thought of it being ‘only an hour’ didn’t comfort me, because I had no idea what an hour was anymore. It didn’t really exist where I was.

I’m not really sure what happened next. Dan says I went quiet. I certainly wasn’t aware of being in Dan’s room with Dan anymore. Discussing the story with my friend Henry, he proposed I may have experienced ego-death. This may be true. I can't remember most of what happened.

Eventually the starry darkness which was my world started to fade. The last thing I saw was the image of space, or whatever, with a dark figure slightly left of the centre of my vision. I knew the man, or man-type-thing, wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bothering me or talking to me, and I was leaving it. I realized I was now sitting up and looking straight ahead to the end of the room, into the en-suite bathroom. I was also rubbing my face and sweating a lot. At this point I could see both the bathroom and the starry scene simultaneously. I was still feeling intensely... anxious isn’t quite the word, but close enough. Seeing the bathroom had brought me home to some extent, but I was still completely unaware of Dan’s presence or anything but what I had just experienced and was still sort of experiencing. I also came to some detached realisation that the dark figure I saw had been the devil. Looking back on it though, I don’t think this is entirely appropriate. The figure was bad, but it wasn’t completely radiating evil. Perhaps it had been in those moments I can’t remember, though.

At this point Dan got up and I watched him leave the bed to put some music on his laptop. This was like a revelation for me: that I am a person in this room, Dan is also a person who is here with me, he can move so I can move; I can leave this place! I pretty much sobered up kind of instantly then, it really brought me back to earth. The worst of the bad feeling (the ‘fear’) went away here after I realized I was no longer trapped.

I think my first words were something like “that was the worst experience of my life” which was honestly close to the truth. Dan was really shocked and apologetic. He had thought I was really enjoying myself. I guess ‘Oh God’ is an ambiguous turn of phrase. I followed this up with “I don’t think I’m ever going to take acid again”, which didn’t pain me to say at the time because as much as I was completely in love with LSD at this point, I felt mentally broken after this experience. Slowly I told Dan what had happened, although the memory of the bulk of the entire trip had already completely faded. What I am describing here are just the snippets I can remember. I slowly calmed down, but I felt very detached from Dan and told him I felt as though “I didn’t know him at all”. I wasn’t upset with him about the dose or anything, that was literally just how I felt at that time.

Dan told me the whole experience had been about two or three minutes long. I couldn’t believe it, especially as I now felt pretty much sober and my vision didn’t seem impaired at all. I didn’t notice any real after effects apart from the feeling of detachment. Already I couldn’t get in touch with the intense feelings of (not-quite-the-words-but-almost) fear and panic I had just had. I was out of it, it had happened, I couldn’t change that. I was upset with myself; I had not risen to meet the challenge that was DMT. I had always been able to handle anything hallucinogens threw at me before; I felt weak. I thought of my friend and to some extent, mentor, Henry and felt like I had let him and myself down. This is what I had always told him I wanted, but I hadn’t stepped up. Well, I resolved, I would try again and next time take less, and not let it get the better of me. I wanted to master this drug; I would not give up.

When I later found out how much I had smoked I was relieved as I had an explanation for the intensity of the experience. About 10-20 minutes after the DMT (perhaps, time was probably still funky for me) I got up and smoked the last of my weed, a pretty small amount, in a bong to really make it hit home. It really helped. Soon I felt a lot lot better, the anxiety had completely dissipated, and I was able to play COD, although I was worse than usual. My awful playing was as funny as hell though. I was over the experience.

I still haven’t tried DMT again, although I will soon as a friend has some. I will just be sure to take less and try hard not to choke! I feel the experience was very necessary to give me a hint of what +3 and +4 could be like. Up til now I was confident I could handle an intense trip on shrooms or LSD because it was something I was actively seeking. Without my bad DMT trip, I may have ended up pushing myself very far with one of those drugs when I wouldn’t have been prepared. Things could have ended up very bad, and not for two minutes but for eternities. Maybe I am still not fully prepared now, but I feel I have a better understanding of what to expect.

In closing, measure your doses carefully, and read up on what to expect for each level of dose. Peace!

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 85257
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Dec 5, 2017	Views: 11,821
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