DOSE:	50 g	oral	Banisteriopsis caapi	(extract)
	4 g	oral	Mimosa tenuiflora	(extract)

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

I had my first dream today. 45g McKenna red caapi and 4g 1.5% mimosa hostilis root bark powder.

I move between two residences and had the vine delivered to the wrong one by mistake. So I had to forgo my three hours each day, plus a day of decanting plan.

Used aluminium (which I suppose is a no no), brewed it for only 6 hours, might have purged a bit too early. But it made perfect sense to me on my dream. There is NO dud trip. You learn lessons every time. The goals isn't really to trip (though a fair few people might like that too, and I might too ), but to learn lessons and continue evolving.

I started by doing some sun salutations, the lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram (for auric cleansing and banishing evil spirits and energies), the middle pillar, six pranayama (yogic breathing) sets and a sudarshan kriya (a yoga asana). I then started sipping the caapi over a half hour, and kept stirring the last acid boil. Had the mimosa around a half hour later. Stayed for a few minutes after, and kept the purge bucket by my side.

The taste was not as bad as I thought. Something like an ayurvedic medicine (which I suppose it is ).

So when I was setting up my music, I got a rush of vomit and swallowed it back, thinking it was too early. However twenty minutes later I thought it might be time - so I purged. In retrospect it might have been too early.

Lessons learnt from the prep:
I should make the brew in advance (but circumstances were unavoidable), over three days and a day of decanting.
I should set everything up and have the brew and wait, not have the brew, set things up and get overly nauseous in the process.
No moving my head - sure-fire recipe for nausea. (having said that, the nausea and the purge were really enjoyable.)
I shouldn't get too fussed about aluminium or stainless steel, or brewing in a hurry - lessons will be learnt anyway. Sure, it will be better with stainless steel, a three day boil and decant - but I shouldn't stress myself out too much over it. Madre Aya isn't such a harsh mistress, she is generous when we put the work in, but wont penalise us with the mickey mouse resentments she herself is trying to purge us of.

The trip:
In one word. Beautiful.
Closed eye visuals, but as strong as I might've thought.
I had visions of a carnival/circus atmosphere and kept seeing a face that looked like the joker on a pack of cards.
I felt a warmth and a lot of love.
Had my purge, and the intensity of the dream dropped tremendously (which makes me realise that maybe I purged too early).
Peak lasted close to an hour and a half, and tailed off after.

I could feel Madre Aya, and there was a lot of love from her. Near the end of the trip she says Bye, I'm leaving and I didn't feel her presence after.

Lessons learnt:
Love. In one word.
Love and acceptance are key.

It showed me that I/we need to love unconditionally.

And the first step is to love and accept ourselves. (I love myself a little too much already, so didn't need much help with this)

And that people don't realise how absolutely beautiful they are. Every one of them is a wonderful, magical, beautiful human being. And they cheat themselves by not realising it.

The key to love is acceptance and not holding onto mickey mouse trivial resentments. A day that we hold that grudge against your spouse, girlfriend, boss, world cheats us out of the first step towards love. Acceptance and dropping our resentments that we so dearly hold onto. And if you are genuinely accepting and open, the other person has no choice but to bond with you because they can feel the unconditional love, and that's hard to fake.

I have someone close to me in my life, with whom the relationship has been stressed recently. I can feel the negative energy from it, when most of the rest of my life seems to be going swimmingly. And I spoke to this person about it, and she didn't accept my overture of trying to make things right. But looking back, it wasn't her at all. She picked up on me not wanting to Really sort things out. And she was right, I do have my trivial trivial resentments that I hold onto.

And these resentments, I realise, do so much harm. Because of that we lose a day, a week, a year, a lifetime of not giving and receiving another persons love. And I realise that I do that with my life too. So many people I shut myself off from because I hold onto my precious precious resentments. And they are all beautiful people who would enrich my life if only I opened up to them..

And with that I realised, that there might be difficulties, there might be obstacles to showing people love. We are a society that is remarkably closed off to affection from passersby. But it doesn't mean we stop. And if we are genuinely showing love and wanting to add Value, then the other person picks up on it. If we have out doubts or insecurities, they will show and the other person buys into our unsure Frame. But I guess the lesson there is to let go of expectations good or bad. And just give with warmth.

I realised that we have these walls around us where we don't allow other people to love us or us love them as much as we can. Fearing hurt, pain. But again, we cheat ourselves. We will get hurt, but thats part of the beautiful lesson. Along the way we experience the heights of love. And all we had to do was drop our walls, and be open.

I had this vision of me walking with open arms, and I feel that my right rib cage is exposed for a knife jab or the like, and the key is to keep walking on. Odds on, there will be a knife jab in future, or there might not. But openness, despite my fears is a start.

What do I lose if I allow myself to fall head over heels with someone, if I allow myself to miss someone, if I tell someone I love them. My walls to love aren't hurting anybody but myself. (I like to think I do act and feel with a lot of love, but the dream shows me how much much more can be done).

The whole I am better, not accepting others, holding onto resentments, not opening ourselves up to love, feeling too afraid to show love to strangers for fear of how they would react and not trying anyways - isn't
Beautiful lessons learnt - next step is actioning them

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 84231
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 32
Published: May 5, 2016	Views: 2,923
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