DOSE:

repeated

smoked

Crack

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

So here I am again, sitting alone, hating myself. Wondering if I have really just done what I think I have done. Yes, its true I have. After 4 years of sobriety I have taken the plunge back into the hole in which I have tried so hard to pull myself out of. I have just finished a crack binge. How much have I smoked? I have no idea but I do know its to much, I feel like hell. Paranoid? Oh yeah, I keep checking the windows and peephole. Every noise I hear I think its the cops. I feel so ashamed, what happens if my new wife finds out? She will leave me for sure yet I take another hit. With each hit it feels so right and so wrong at the same time. Three more hits and I throw it in the trash, five more minutes and I am digging it out again. I cant put it down, last time I did it for three years straight. Almost every day, at home, in the car, even at work, swore to myself I would never touch it again but here I am. I'm sure it will kill me this time, my heart feels like it's about to explode, it's so hot. I have no idea what to do now.... I have a nice burn mark on my lip, that's gonna hurt tomorrow. All this writing is just nonsense anyway no one cares about the ramblings of a crack head. I guess the only thing to do now is take another hit, watch the sun rise and when tomorrow gets here beg for forgiveness. If I live to see tomorrow that is, lots of bad thoughts. Never again.

Exp Year: 2010	ExpID: 83235
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 29
Published: Apr 16, 2018	Views: 2,577
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Crack (82) : Alone (16), Addiction & Habituation (10), Difficult Experiences (5), General (1)