DOSE: T+ 0:00	185 mg	oral	DXM	(liquid)
T+ 2:20	345 mg	oral	DXM	(liquid)

This experience took place at home after a relaxed afternoon reading trip reports, Terence McKenna and a picnic in the park with my girlfriend - mindset positive and looking forward to exploring my first drug induced deeper experience. I am 22 years old and living at home with parents, my only previous experience is with cannabis, alcohol, MDMA and cocaine (doesn't sit benevolently with me - I don't enjoy its gritty undercurrents). I have been battling depression for some time now and am hoping to examine myself deeply tonight. I dosed with 185mg of DXM mixed with a lemon juice while watching a debate on religion on BBC with the parents - great intellectual lead up - and they went to bed at about T+20.

I didn't feel much for an hour while sitting down watching TV - only even remembered the dose when I got up at about T+1:20 feeling a bit loopy. I had eaten dinner a while ago, the food may have buffered the onset a bit. Only slight stimulation, feeling buzzed and a little stoned - I know that there is no way that this dose is going to be anything more than annoyingly close without a big boost, so I head out to pick up a bottle of Robo Long Lasting Cough. Driving was fine, like driving after smoking a bowl. The store was cool but I was impatient.

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]

At about T+2:20 I downed the second dose containing approx 345mg DXM, total now 530mg, giving me 7.0 mg/kg body weight. It felt as though this gave my mind 'permission' to begin coming up further; I was experiencing light euphoria, definitely feeling a little drunk and quite high while reading the opening of Dalai Lama - Transforming the Mind, this is excellent to begin a dissociative trip on. It was already difficult to read as intellectual concepts were slippery... my eyes were also having trouble focusing on the print. I felt as if the high was as much due to the placebo effect vs the DXM, and I looked out windows to the backyard and listened to music to try to intensify things with irritatingly marginal results (mostly because I couldn't find my CD player and had to rely on the radio. The ads and shitty music annoyed me.)

Around T+2:40 I began thinking a bit deeper and relaxing into the high, writing my thoughts was difficult though as they were pen shy and evaporated half-way through themselves on the page. I grew bored of sitting in my room and went outside at about T+3:00 into the wide soft world of grass and moonlight. My balance and coordination was evaporating and I felt incredulous of the increasingly surreal dreamscape effects and the fact that my body was outgrowing what I thought was the placebo high. The trees in the yard were so far apart, and by the time I reached the bottom of the yard furthest from the house it looked tiny and almost cartoon-like in the distance. The windows seeming much too big and the walls short and bulging.

My body did not know gravity and felt as if a weird pushing sensation was holding it up, although in my own mind I was intact with knowledge and silently laughing, a spectator visiting a host body in a dream that I intellectually knew was the same as the waking world. I felt totally alone to roam in my dream, and piloted the mech to my old treehouse. Climbing onto it is difficult sober as the pulley 'elevator' has long since gone, but the arms automatically lifted and rested on top the head-high platform, being suspended there but not actually pressing onto the wood at all. My mind was bemused that it could not jump and haul the body up no matter how hard it willed those legs so far far down there to do so, but after just one bewildered attempt I put it on auto-pilot and managed. Standing on the platform was awesome, the leaves all around, the sensation of bark on this skin that I could not really feel as being me but could sort of analyse in a detached way. I could see over the wall to the (usually pretty nasty) canal on the other side, the flowing water reflecting streetlights and looking absolutely beautiful. I was struck by the hilarity of being in a treehouse in the midst of the night and settled down onto the floor to continue this lovely dream.

I wanted more elaborate visuals which I purposely got by closing one eye, then opening it and closing the other in quick succession until the opening and closing made a breathtakingly beautiful pattern out of the sky backlit leaf canopy. It solidified and resolved and I gazed at it unencumbered by the sensations of a body. It developed into the closest thing I have seen to a fractal, grew domed and I realized that the leaves were no longer visible but that I was looking at my imagination realized. I could no longer resolve the actual leaves or branches apart from vague 'reinforcements' in the flows of the pattern. If I closed my eyes tightly I would be swung round and round my head like if I was lying face up on a merry-go round. At about T+3:30 the trip moved from dreaming awake, alone in such beautiful soft world, and moved into more introspective realms. I realized that I had to get inside now to the safety of my bed, and perilously hobbled down, all thanks to that sweet autopilot.

Inside in bed I began to think about the depth of a person, the many levels that they exist on, the fears and drives that grip their egos so strongly. I saw it on a plan drawing, it was elaborate with the tree of connections from their layers to the drives of other people. I realized that I am terrified of growing up and becoming me, feeling that if the plug is pulled from the dam that holds back these millions of layers that I would have nothing left. I began to fight off panic as I forgot what normalcy was like, I felt as if I was a mute prisoner in a foreign body, falling into thought loops about my psyche, seeing other people's own and not being able to do normal activities. I wondered whether time would exist in mental hospital if I was forever like this, and whether people would still care about my soul's existence and communicate with me. I lamented the loss of the unique abilities that I want to present to the world. Through all of this I repeated that I had taken a drug and that whatever normalcy was like, that I would be that in the morning, thankfully the panic was kept at bay. During this time it did not matter if my eyes were opened or closed, I could still see the pattern of the ceiling above me. It morphed sometimes and I became unsure of whether my eyes were open or closed, or if it was the 'correct' appearance during either time. I eventually fell asleep as I began to come down into short periods of realizing that 'oh I can let go of the placebo effect now, it's all ok, it was a dream'.

Next day I woke cheerful and almost mischievous, playing with my siblings and parents and acting pretty goofy. Slight headache all day, and a bit of mental slowness. I felt as if this experience let me understand myself more, and gave me a goal for development of my future. Happy tripping - D

Exp Year: 2009	ExpID: 82147
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 22
Published: Oct 15, 2023	Views: 39
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DXM (22) : General (1), Difficult Experiences (5), Glowing Experiences (4), Music Discussion (22), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Alone (16)