DOSE:

22 mg

insufflated

5-MeO-DMT

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

220 lb

My experience with 5-MeO-DMT marked the end of a long and exhausting year of drug experimentation. I should preface the actual report by saying that I was (in retrospect) deeply depressed at the time, and this undoubtedly colored my experience.

My friend (and then-roommate) and I got a 50mg bag of 5-MeO-DMT at a local store, and took it back to our apartment. I was the first to try it. I insufflate what we estimated was 15mg of the total amount, and sat down on the sofa. The onset was rapid and the experience was overpowering. I had previous experience with hallucinogens (LSD, psilocybin mushrooms, salvia) and had always felt able to differentiate and mediate between the experience and the 'I' as its subject: the hallucinations were consensual; I could open myself to them or hold back. This time, however, the experience was relentless and psychologically brutalizing, and I had barely enough sense to sit back and allow the drug to beat its path through my mind. The high tapered off rapidly after 10 or 15 minutes or so. After the high, I was nervous and giddy at the sheer unrelenting force of the drug. I felt no richer for the experience, merely beaten-up.

My friend was next. He took a smaller, 10mg dose, and was likewise immobilized and barely responsive on the couch for 10-15 minutes. He managed a few exclamations of awe. After we had both agreed the experience was like 'being shot out of a canon' and, though we didn't regret taking it, we wouldn't take it again.

My friend retired to his room to sleep, and the night would've ended there were it not for some still-inexplicable urge to go back and really brutalize myself. I insufflated most of the rest (~20-25mg) and went to lie down in my bed. Almost immediately my stomach felt most inauspicious, and I felt terror mount. I managed to get up and walk to the bathroom, where I gripped the sink hard with both hands and desperately wished the experience away.

Then it started. I was unprepared. I felt I had no recourse to any mental comfort and could not in any way make sense of what I was experiencing -- indeed, could not even recognize my own inability to make sense of my situation. The experience was beyond language. I can only say (in retrospect) that it felt the psychological analogue to plummeting very fast through a fractal void. 'I' was unadulterated terror.

When I came to, I was lying in the bathtub, my roommate standing over me looking very concerned. He was woken up by the sound of incoherent shouting, and found me in the bathtub flailing violently. I had vomited over myself and was bleeding from the nose. The whole thing lasted about 15-20 minutes. He was about to call for help. 'I'm OK,' I managed. 'I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm OK,' more for my sake then for his. I explained what I had done. When he was sufficiently convinced I was 'back', he retired again to his room. Something inside me had snapped, and I felt like an assemblage of broken parts.

I took drugs maybe once or twice after that, neither significantly hallucinogenic (cocaine and heroin -- both nasally and on different occasions.) Since then, almost any significantly psychoactive drug (incl. so-called 'mild' drugs like coffee and marijuana) causes me to feel distressed, even at small doses. As a result, I have avoided all but the rare alcoholic or caffeinated drink since. I suffer from frequent bouts of depression and anxiety. I don't know that I can link them to the 5-MeO-DMT experience, but I am certain it didn't help.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 49107
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 5, 2007	Views: 35,051
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
5-MeO-DMT (58) : Health Problems (27), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Depression (15), Post Trip Problems (8), Difficult Experiences (5), Alone (16)