DOSE:

repeated

IV

Heroin

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

120 lb

I'll start off by saying I've been useing for one year staight now. I'm not an ordinary user. When I use, my tolerance stays the same for a very long time, so I am able to use more then the average person without getting too physically addicted. I guess you could say I'm lucky. It all began with coinsidece.

I when to Boston with my friend Elis for the day. I was in the restroom at a coffee shop, I was in a stall when some next to me had dropped their pin filled with roses. Being the sweet girl that I was I picked up the pin to give it back to the person. She came out of the stall, and said thankyou and told me she liked my jeans. I said thanx. Then she asked me if I wanted a hit. A huge rush of fear/excitment came over me. (note that I only smoked pot once when I was in 9th grade) I had to do it. I was a once in a life time opertunity for me to try Heroin, the satin drug (my parents called it). 'yea sure, watever' I said. At this moment I was feeling like a little kid at a toy store, x 10. She asked me if I've ever done this before, I said no, Then she asked me how much I weighed. She set me up, I noted everything she did from packet to the spoon and how she sucked it out with the pin. I could see rose buds. She took my arm, sat me down, tied me up, and told me to 'just relax'.

From that point on I felt love. Nothing but everything, red love, I was being loved upon. It felt better then anything, Like I was being sexed with such unbelievable pleasure. I knew the was the beginning of a wonderful relationship. The girl that set me up, her name was Nina. She told me she lived in Hartford, CT. I lived about 15min from Hartford. I made her my connect and for the next several months I would go to her once ever two days to feel loved again.

My friend Elis would often get upset that I was always going to see Nina (who to Elis, a girl I met at in a bathroom) Elis had no idea of what I was doing. I felt some what special because I had a secret, somthing that made me want to say 'fuck you' to anyone who gave me a hard time. I worked a partime job at a craft store which gave me some extra money, plus I had over 7,000 saved up in the bank. My parents where always good about helping me out with things, and I basically had everything I needed. But soon enough my good life would change. Little by little the money in my bank was being withdrawn, sometimes without me even remembering I did. Soon my savings was empty and I was fired from my job for never showing up. I had turned into a junkie. Sleeping took up a huge portion of my day. I soon turned to my parents for money. I told them it was for various things, I would sometimes reck my car up so they would give me cash. I stole things and sold them. I lied so much just to be loved one more time. My parents got a clue eventually, finding empty packets on the floor, me walking around aimlously, finding used pins in the trash, me hiten hem up for money suddenly when I havent gone anywhere in three days staight. They told me they knew, and that they wanted me to leave. They ddint even give me a chance like some parents do, no, they through me out. 'I told myself that it was okay and that they where mean parents that didnt do shit for me.' I moved in with Nina. Things got better before they got worse. I was now closer to my love. With my life turned upsidedown, I was lost. Early one morning I heard a knock on the door, Nina seemed to not be home, so I went to get the door. I opend the door to find both my parents, one other man and Elis. I asked them how they knew where I was and why they where here, then I told them to go away and leave me alone. They all said nothing, they where there to take me away, to save me.

After 5 months of treatment at a rehab center in new york, I was clean. I've been clean for about 9mo. Now and I live in Texas with my parets. I'm always tempted to go back, in fact I want to really bad, but I know there is nothing for me. I still keep in touch with Elis but not Nina. I keep thinking if when I get older, will I use again? For now I only dream of the day that I will be loved one more time.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 46159
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Sep 5, 2019	Views: 2,103
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Heroin (27) : First Times (2), Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Relationships (44), Not Applicable (38)