DOSE:

insufflated

Heroin

(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

For the last 4 months, my partner and I have been recreationally using heroin. This would not be a problem if it were not for the intense pull that H creates in our life - it wants us, we can tell.

It all started when a friend offered me some in a club. I had tried the stuff before, shot it actually, and hated it. But this time I was curious. It didn't seem like a club drug, but I needed something new. I've always loved drugs (loved being an understatement) , coke, E, scripts and the like, but was bored with all of them. So being bored and being crazy I asked her how she did it in a club, weren't there needles and all to contend with? This is where it gets interesting.

Turns out she dissolved the H in water and then snorted the vinegary liquid. (I have never heard of anyone else doing this, despite my searches online) She gave me my own clean syringe filled with the tiniest bit (about 20 cc) of amber colored stuff and told me to lay it on the inside of my nose and squirt while inhaling. So I did just that (I had to fake bravado) and was rewarded with the most amazing rush of warmth and light headedness. All I could muster up to say was 'I like this', but in my heart I knew I had found my new love. I knew because along with the warmth I felt something I had never before felt with any other drug - LUST. Twenty minutes later I was puking my guts out in the jane ('oh, I forgot to tell you about that' says my cohort) but still completely loving it. She told me if I did more I'd feel better. I declined.

Skip ahead to me bringing a small sticky ball home to my girlfriend. I have to say, I was so nervous introducing her to my new friend. I wanted her to be safe, I wanted her have a good time, but mostly, I needed to share the intensity of my love for this drug with someone.. someone I could fuck. Of course she loved it, and soon H became our weekend ritual. Lighting candles, playing music, brie and wine and grapes, reading tarot and finally fucking... for hours on end, the most intense beautiful technicolor sex. Each time we did it we got closer to each other. And each time we did it, we wanted to do it again, and again.

We have constructed many a boundary around our strange nighttime ritual, me more than my girlfriend since I tend to feel more guilty about these kinds of things (i.e. fun things). We tried saying we'd only do it once every two weeks, but that lasted 6 days. We have rules about how much we do in one night, how late we stay up and so on. So far the rules have kept us safe from addiction. Unless you consider the nagging i-don’t-wanna-go-a-weekend-or-have-sex-without-it feelings.

I've worked plenty long as a substance abuse counselor to know precisely how to construct this madness. Just how to be on the edge of danger without going over and I honestly have no fear about becoming addicted (add laughs here). I don’t have an addictive personality and I’m much too focused on other things (when I’m not high). Don’t get me wrong, I love drugs, just not that much. Problem is, the thing I love more than drugs is sex. I just wonder about how this black dog has affected said sex life. Is it ruined? What if I never have sex this good sober?

In the meantime, my partner and I ponder these questions in a candle lit room over the splayed out tarot cards, the soft shag blanket and a tiny vial of amber colored liquid.

We’ve never run out, although, once we were down to our last little bit and I left the vial open on the night stand. I was reaching for the lube when I heard the most sickening sound, the vial falling over. Turns out, I was mistaken, I had remembered to put the cap back on. But in those few seconds of uncertainty, my girl and I shot each other a look we had never seen before..

Fear.

Here’s the dosing info on all that (now I don’t got the lingo, but i’ll do my best)

My partner and I usually cook 1/3 of a ball of tar with about 2 mL of water. We use either a syringe or a tiny dropper (like that used in Bach’s rescue remedy tincture) to squirt the liquid into our noses while inhaling. It burns, but not terrible. We do about 1 squirt (10-20 cc) each hour or so. We feel it right away if we’ve done it right but not so as to feel overwhelmed. Each pack’o’goo is different- so we do small amounts to start!

So far we’ve mixed the stuff with alcohol, GHB and coke.

Alcohol- often makes us nauseous, but can be fun in small amounts.

Coke- I like it, it can definitely wake me up when the H starts to make me sleepy. I prefer not to do it too late in the game, it makes me jittery and I can't sleep as well.

GHB- in very small amounts (sorry, I’m no help here, mine comes in liquid when I get it) it boosts the feeling of the H. Can make me a bit nauseous.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 45881
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 8, 2006	Views: 106,605
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Heroin (27) : Sex Discussion (14), Glowing Experiences (4), Small Group (2-9) (17)