DOSE:

smoked

Cannabis

(plant material)

Early in 2005, a friend and I were caught for smoking weed in our dorm room. After going through all the bullshit that goes along with getting caught (i.e. eviction, court), I thought that I was through with marijuana. However, one night desire got the best of me and I decided to toke. I know it was a pretty shitty decision, looking back on it, but the worst was still to come.

The next morning, I call the Health Center and it turns out I'm getting drug tested. Well, at this point, it's fair to say that I was feeling a little bummed out. But, I resolved to go down fighting. After making several calls and purchases, I had my plan together.

Supplies:
1-2 condoms (extra on just in case)
1 unfolded paperclip
1 heat pad
1 roll of duct tape
1 friend who hasn't taken drugs in the last month

Method:
Step 1: Find a bathroom in my university's Health Center.

Step 2: Hide the unfolded paperclip in my sock.

Step 3: Go to the Health Center bathroom with my friend.

Step 4: Have my friend pee in a condom and tie it up. Use the duct tape to tape the urine-filled condom to my inner thigh.

Step 5: I placed the heat pack on top of the condom to ensure the urine doesn't cool down too much (this later would become an issue)

Step 6: I Immediately proceed upstairs and deposit my sample.

Now this method relies on several assumptions. First, that I won't be getting frisked by the drug test administrator. Luckily, the test center had a one-room unisex bathroom with a lock on it so my friend just placed the urine-filled condom in the sink and I went in immediately afterwards.

So, I use this method and I miraculously pass that drug test. However, our story isn't over...

On the last day of drug testing, my number is called again. And unfortunately, I need to substitute or face expulsion. So me and my friend go through the method I described earlier. However, as soon as I get out of the bathroom after depositing my sample, the following happens.

Drug Tester: Uh oh. You're sample's a little cold. Is that all on the up and up?

Me: Well, I can go drink some water and go again.

Drug Tester: Nah, that's ok.

Now, if he'd insisted I redo the drug test, I would've been in a spot. Luckily, I managed to bullshit my way out of it.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 43035
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jul 4, 2006	Views: 11,352
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Drug Testing (59) : Not Applicable (38), General (1)