DOSE:	1 cig.	smoked	Cannabis
		smoked	PCP

BODY WEIGHT:

175 lb

The first time I tried PCP, I didn't know what it was. It was on some weed, which was an unusual brown color, sold to a friend as 'chocolate thai'. I took a hit of it and it sure didn't taste like chocolate! It tasted like weird, metal something like it was lead or something bizarre. I was at the beach with some friends, and it started to kick in in maybe a few minutes. I was walking back along the beach and I felt very rolled up and stretchy, like I was wrapped in something and fuzzed out, but I was kinda weird and not sure where my arms and feet were. I walked by a lifeguard tower and wasn't sure if I was passing it, or had passed it...and could swear I had passed the same one at least three times. Then I started getting further out and everything sounded wet and far away, and the scenery looked crooked and tall or far away, and kinda jumping from place to place, though not moving...just seeming closer.

At somepoint I got really focused on the wetness and felt floating like in water and wasn't sure if I was walking or aware if I was able to walk. And then I was sort of fuzzy, not sure what was happening cause I was so in thought, but I felt stupid...like my thoughts moved fast but my understanding couldn't keep up. Later, I was walking the other direction (?) and wasn't on the beach anymore. I'm not sure if I checked out, or if that was an illusion. Eventually, I got back to my grandparent's place, and I was majorly numbed out and was seeing things that weren't quite real, but were hard to shake...like my friend at the table eating dinner slower and slower, until I could swear he stopped all together for what could have been a thousand years.

My other friend was really sweaty and red and I thought his skin was rubbery, and I saw it like it was swelling up like a boiled chicken. Thinking this, he seemed more and more chicken-like and I was convinced my grandparents would see him and my statue friend and know we were tripping and throw us out, and I got very very paranoid (I was in high school at this time). They didn't, and we somehow (I don't know if we talked about it, or if I could have understood if we did) decided to go to bed early (about 5:30). We all ended up sleeping for over 24 hours straight, and I felt more wrecked than I ever had before the next day, and the next several days...not tripping particularly, but weird sounds and feelings of touch all fuzzed out and distances and angles looking bizarre.

By and large I enjoyed the first time, so I decided to try it again about 2 months later. This time, I must have smoked a lot more, cause it was light years beyond what I experienced then. After I'd smoked the joint, tasting that awful metalish taste, I walked inside to take a piss, when the floor was a million miles away and I could barely see the toilet. Then I was seeing something like tracers from acid, but fuzzier, less distinct, and I felt my insides moving with the world around them. I don't know how the hell I got out of the bathroom but then I was in the living room. All browns and mahoganies like dirt and the ceiling seemed soooooo high and I seemed tiny with this great grandfather clock arced down toward me like staring...and I saw something like eyes and red something and I could feel bits pulsing through me, coarsing in all directions at once. Little balls or sharps or something of lead or steel metal and I knew I had been poisoned. I was dying, and the metal was flowing through my veins and my nerves and I was dying, going completely insane! I heard wet, garbled noises and I couldn't tell what direction they were coming from, nor what direction I was looking.

My perspective seemed to have nothing to do with any kind of movement, and I wasn't sure when I had moved or where I would go. The arc of the darkness of the wood and the clock and the metal was overwhelming and then suddenly I was out in the den.

My friend was there and it seemed like hours had gone by. He was speaking something but the sound seemed to come from nowhere distinct, flat, and too fast or too much to piece together. But I could hear something like my voice, distorted, unclear but some conversation was going on. The darkness outside the window was blazing black like I could get absorbed and I couldn't turn away. I remember thinking that everything seemed to be going a thousand million miles an hour but my brain was slowed to a crawl. The metal poison feeling was gone, but I was think, heavy and separated from my body, like watching myself move but unable to control or know where I would go. We went (somehow?) to another room and played Nintendo, and I seemed to be playing, though I couldn't tell who was playing, somehow it was happening. I looked over at my friend and he was so stiff, rigid and his skin seemed really tight, frozen, crystalized and like a rock, and the rocklikeness of him was so profound that he seemed totally concrete. Then a flash of a cheshire cat freak smile (did I imagine it?) totally blew me away, and floated apart from his face in the air for what seemed like minutes. The heaviness of him I felt in my brain, and the dirty concrete solidifying, contaminated inside me spreading throughout my body and I was sure I was going to be a statue too. And at this point I must have gotten stuck, because I lose what happened for a while.

When I came sort of back, I was in the den again and outside the window it was bright screaming daylight like mercury sky shimmering through my whole being. I got lost again in the brilliance, some sound bringing me back music I couldn't tell what it was and then...DAYLIGHT! Paranoia blazed and my heart was about to explode when I realized I had stood frozen in the den all night and it was day and my friend's parents had come home and they had found us and we were so busted and I couldn't come down and ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!!! Then...nights. Black, not even shadows and thinking stars and little bits bits bits of metal in the sky and it was still the same night, could be minutes or years and I was so fuzzed out the paranoia was slipped down and I finally walked into the bedroom and laid down on the floor, seeing what I was thinking but not really, kind of glowing fuzz like an after image, but there was afterimages everywhere and what was here and what was there in my head?

And the motion all through the night, things moving, sinking, jumping big small close crooked like moving lightspeed in place, sinking huge on the floor and brain pieces fuzzed somethings and the everywhere sounds, warped sped and watery.

I woke up the next day after sleeping for maybe 8 hours and I was still fuzzed out really bad, with the afterimages and barely able to make sense of conversation. Things still didn't move right, stopping while I was still moving or not the same speed I was moving. I wouldn't even try to drive for over a week, and I was sure my brain had been permanently damaged. I'd see blazing mercury flashes out of nowhere and couldn't see anything, and my eyes were twitchy and weird and couldn't focus right at all. The weird sounds and movements and seeing afterimages of things I thought about lasted for weeks, in fits and starts, and I had flashbacks for a long time.

I no longer use drugs at all, because moderation just doesn't work for me. But what I leared that year is that with street drugs, dose is always a big question mark. The first time had its paranoid bizarre semi-visuals, but it felt really good by and large. But the second time I can't believe I didn't die from a heart attack or go permanently psychotic. Nothing I've experienced on any other drug compares, and it was without a doubt the scariest experience of my life.

Exp Year: 1989	ExpID: 42094
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 14, 2006	Views: 55,697
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PCP (113) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Difficult Experiences (5), First Times (2)