BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

Mindset-- I am a spiritual seeker, and I meditate often. However, as everyone knows, reaching the higher planes of mystical experience are difficult for most, including me. I decided to use a psychoactive drug to aid the process. In the past, I have used cannabis, but it merely made me think of new ideas more quickly. DXM did something totally different.

Setting-- dark room, my own bedroom. Alone. I played traditional Buddhist meditation music. Read some of a book called 'Conversations with God.'

I took 60 Robitussin Coughgels in one sitting. It took about two hours to reach full effect.

After I reached the deeper states of meditation, I began to have profound thoughts enter my mind. The first was mundane... for some reason, I worked through astronomy for the first time. It felt like I discovered, on my own, for the first time that the stars we see are really our past. Perhaps this was a catalyst for the rest of the experience, the dissolution of time.

Although they might have been there, I never saw any actual visual hallucinations. But what I did see with my mind's eye was a spiritual guide... a sort of horse head. I had questions for this horsehead... I desire so much to become a psychonaut and research it as a profession (I am a pharmacologist by training, but still in school). In short, I got the clear message that this lifetime was not the time for me to do this. I need to develop my 'lower' skills first, such as to pay my dues, have a family (minus children), and take responsibility for my life. (I have a habit of withdrawing from the world because I am so distraught that it isn't the way it should be, religiously, politically, etc...). I got the assurance that in the future, I would be more ready to undertake such a lofty goal of being a prominent psychonaut-chemist, but now wasn't the time because for one, not all of me is ready for such an endeavor, and two, because the world isn't ready to hear what such research might mean for the human race. I was no longer bitter about the fact that I can't do it in this lifetime, and now I embrace what I have learned. These insights never came to me in any other meditation or daily thought processes.

I left the experience with a newfound motivation to be responsible in my daily living and to get the respect of my family back. (I have been irresponsible in my drug use, and they are very concerned... my abuse of some other drugs has led to academic problems as well). There is no shame in being a run of the mill pharmacist, and I am at peace with the revelation that to help people in this manner is my calling in this life.

I should note that I do not know if I believe in reincarnation, but this experience solidified the possibility in my mind. After all, we can't *know* anyway.

Was this all a result of psychology and chemistry, or was there something deeper? I don't know. As a scientist, there is always in the back of my mind the notion that it is truly possible that religion and mysticism are a result of these things alone. This is something I still struggle with, and I feel I got permission from this guide that I am free to pursue this question responsibly with further exploration in psychoactives and meditation.

Exp Year: 2005	ExpID: 42017
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Jan 15, 2020	Views: 1,123
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DXM (22), Meditation (128) : Combinations (3), Alone (16)