DOSE:

oral

Pharms - Paroxetine

(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

75 kg

I'm a 17 year old student from the netherlands so please excuse me for any illogical sentences. I have an experience with paroxetine some people might be able to use, or that might give them some good idea's. Or can at least relate to.

First of all I think you need all the background info. I was diognosed depressed since I was eight years old, this all for reasons so long ago I can't even remember. I have been depressed ever since. Nothing ever felt right, I saw no purpose in life. Why was I here? Every day, I went to bed crying.. praying not to wake up. By the time I was 14 and a half, I had totally screwed up school too. This was, I think, the reason for my mom to request desperate measures from my shrink.

I was then prescribed paroxetine. 10 mg at first, but after a month the dose was raised to 20 mg because I was getting suicidal. In a period of 2 weeks things started to change. All the emotions I had for so lang slowly faded away and were totally gone after another 2 weeks or so. I stil had some depressed periods but far less bad. In everyday life I just didn't give a damn anymore, I went to a level of school at wich I did nothing and got straigt A's. And because of my grades I was allowed to do almost everything.

In this period I started smoking cannabis, to find a relief from the boring realities of life. I did it everyday. I was stoned every day at least once the next one and a half year or so. But even though I had changed en things went rematkably well, The paroxetine had also taken away every positive feeling. I was emotionally numb.

I remember forgetting my medication on several accasions, for days at a time. After 2 or three days or so, I always became overagitated, and the slightest thing could totally set me of. I exploded into these extreme rages, in wich I once punched a girl 2 maybe 3 years younger, straigt in the face. The worst time was schoolcamp of my last year in middle school (after elementry where I live). I got a hold of a knife in my worst rage ever. If my best friend didn't show up, I would have killed everybody in that dormroom. I am very sure of this.

Then during the summer vacation of 2004. I began actually feeling good, I found new friends over the past 2 years. I had a job, but the paroxetine still over-ruled my happy feeling. Even though my medication was cut back to 10 mg, I still was very neutral about everything, I had also totally lost the ability to fall in love. This constant numbness was getting to my head. I wanted to live life like a normal person, since things were finnaly setteling down after 2 turbulent years. so I decided to quit paroxetine.

It was very hard at fist, the agitation came again, but I fought through it. And after 2 weeks I actually started to feel good. Writing this down still gives me chills down my spine. after 8 or 9 years of never really feeling good. Suddenly I find myself in a seemingly endless positive train of thought. No words can tell how good I feel. I find myself one smiling bastard for the last 2 weeks, with no signs of wearing off.

Living this story, I think paroxetine is a double edged blade. It takes away the pain, but also the chance of truly feeling good. I think I have been lucky, because the sudden rages really could have cost me so much more. And I feel like I have missed out on 2 good years. overall I would not recommend Paroxetine as a recreational drug, because of the possibility of these extremly intense rages. But as a remedy for depression I feel like it, in the end, did the job.

Hope somebody finds this usefull, thanks for reading, Luuk.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 39633
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 17
Published: Mar 4, 2011	Views: 9,699
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Pharms - Paroxetine (148) : Medical Use (47), Depression (15), Hangover / Days After (46), Retrospective / Summary (11), Not Applicable (38)