DOSE:

Crack

(freebase)

BODY WEIGHT:

135 lb

My name is P, I'm 20 yrs old and have experimented with various different kinds of drugs, including weed, mush, acid, meth & of course cocaine... The majority of the harder drugs I only tried on rare occasions, the ones I did often are weed and more importantly cocaine. The following is my recollection of various expeirences during 2001-04.

After smoking copious amounts of weed on a daily basis for about 3 yrs, I frequently had the urge to try other such substances. One night I was at the bar, right after my 18th b-day and one of good buddies offered me some cocaine, he told me that it would sober me up a bit and allow me to keep drinking a strong pace. I being pretty slammed at the time and very, very curious graciously accepted his offer. We went to his truck and did a few rails. WOW! I had got intense body and head buzz and was flooded with the feeling of euphoria and supperiority. I felt so good, we headed back to the bar, continued drinking, every once in a while retiring to buddies truck again to 'powder our noses'. This night was a night that I wish I could forget ever happened, not because it was not a fun night (on the contracty it was GREAT) but because this started the downward spiral that lead me to eventual misery.

Nights like the previously described continued to happen on a regular basis, uasually every weekend. At the begining there was no jonesing or feelings of wanting more like others may have described, the mass amounts of alcohol probably contributed to that. It was not until I began to do it sober (no liquor) that it started to get bad, because once I finished all my shit and there was no alcohol to force sleep, I was left with a very undesirable feeling, a sort of depression and a need to be anything but sober. I was able to quench that thirst with weed for a bit. It wasn't until one day, that my buddy called me and asked me to hook him up. So we got together, I called my dealer, but to my suprise he didnt have and 'soft' cocaine, all he had was 'hard' (crack). Well, my buddy didnt seem to mind and my dealer gave us a deal because he didn't have what we wanted originally or possibly he knew what the outcome would be... Anyways, we got the crack and we did what anyone would do, we smoked it. Now , when I said WOW before, this was time was like !WOW!WOW!WOW! One hit was like nothing I'd ever expeirenced I talked none stop and everything was interesting, there was no boredom or depression that reality sometimes brings, all the problems in life disappear and I feel overpowered with euphoric-bliss.

Well.. that is until I run out of shit and my high (which by the way, only lasts 2-10mins, depending on tolerance) is gone. Then all those problems, depressing feelings and responsiblities that were temporarily forgotten coming rushing back along with a very un-desirable body feeling. That first time I managed to fight the burnout and the intense urge to get more. But, eventually I did it again and again, like every 2 weeks or so. Then I would get cravings for it when I was drunk and would always give in. By that time the people I was doing it with had been doing it longer than me and whenever we ran out they would jones really bad, constantly trying to persuade (or depending on friend beg) ME to go get more, because I was the only half sensible one with a bank account full of hard earned money that I had been saving for a year. Sometimes I would give in and that would lead to 24 even 48 hr straight crack benders, which turned in to intense pananoid delusional head trips. And believe me when I say after smoking crack for 48hrs straight, I tend to feel like shit, that was eaten by the dog and then shit back out, if you take my meaning. I eventually started to get cravings while sober and would usually do it by myself, because like I said my friends would jones way worse than me and supporting two crackheads, is alot more expensive that just supporting one, unfortunetly the one was myself.

Too make a long story short, I blew though all my money, about $2000 in like 2 mons. Then I would get paid about $700 every two weeks, I would go promptly to my bank at midnight on pay day and proceed to spend all my money within 2, 3 days at max. I would also steal money from my parents or pawn shit some nights. The longest bender I went on last 3 days straight, eating very little. With crack the desire to eat and sleep is there, but the desire to smoke more crack is just alot stronger. Eventually, I realized the error of my ways and the inevitable end of the path I was heading, so I denounced cocaine altogether, which was NOT easy. I actaully ended up snapping one day, I broke down in tears in front of my family and confessed... everything. They almost sent me to rehab (they probably should have) but in the end I just signed all my pay checks over to my strict, but not entirely unreasonable mother. And just completely segragated myself from my friends.

I have been clean for a few months now and every once in a while I still get a strong desire to 'take a fat blast', especially when drinking. But, then I think about all the crackheads I met along journey (including a 40yr old lady with one lung & multiple other paranoid delusional nut jobs) and I remember the vow I made to myself to actually have a life and not end up like that.

That's pretty much it. In closing, I just want to say that if you have never tryed crack or even cocaine. DON'T DO IT, you may not get really hard up and addicted, but 90% of the people I know did get addicted, really fucking addicted. And after an addiction like that you're never the same again..... wish me luck.

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 36770
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 7, 2005	Views: 5,965
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Cocaine (13), Crack (82) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Various (28)