DOSE:	20 mg	oral	2C-I
	20 mg	oral	4-AcO-DET	(powder / crystals)
	10 mg	insufflated	Oxycodone	(ground / crushed)

BODY WEIGHT:

140 lb

Writing leaves multitudes of magnitudes out, including everything before ~2-3min after OC was snorted

Flux in time by a metamorphosis man.

A trip report with a PEA and a tryptamine I'd never tried before +snorted 10mg oc sometime in the peak. Visuals had been getting more and more complex and multilayered coming in from peripheral vision, but oc changed it to still tripping hard, but wavelength of hallucination shrunk down suddenly to a max wavelength of about 1 inch. I ended up spending a few days in a psych ward, but I feel I learned a great deal in a very short time (15 days). I think I actually have an advantage from being in there; most of us were facing our problems while many people outside were still running away.

I learned a lot about writing; grammar (though I missed a lot of that cuz my elementary/middle school was disorganized) syntax (I don’t actually know what that is, let me look it up in Webster:a the way in which linguistic elements are put together to form constituents b the part of grammar dealing with this 2 a connected or orderly system; harmonious arrangement of parts or elements 3 syntactics esp. as dealing with the formal properties of languages or calculi. I just noticed its right next to synthesis in englishes grammatical bible) tone I don’t really understand and I suspect is the hardest to master and finally punctuation (aka timing) I couldn’t tell you what I've learned about it, but I think I've just about got it down pat (everything seems to be happening more and more on time these days) [study the mckennic auriculars]

I think my major problem was social anxiety, I accidentally blew it away with chemical assistance, and it took awhaile for the rest of my neuroses, hang-ups, religious upbringing, and conspiracy theory to work itself out. I kinda feel like I got all the parts of my brain working together at once after I learned the finer points of neurochemical manipulation through longstanding interest and independent study in nutrition and recreational drugs.



opiiateas are equivalent to turning the volume down. everything receded so much when that kicked in that I thought I had killed my trip. which in a way, I had. the surface visuals and shit are still here, the drugs havent been counteracted pharmacologically, but rather psychologicaly. its the feedback effect thats key here. sensations resound within us against all otther traces of memory. stimulus affects our physical bodies, but when I can become aware of something, its has already been recorded, its already a memory. everything we know is entirely within the mind or minds. People interact, and memories interact within people as a fieldfull of speakers all at different levels each with its own microphone. these speakers are broadcasting their music, but they are also picking up surrounding sounds.. Try to imagine being in a field like THAT what would the music sound like to you? coould it be recorded in the physical world? I dont mean a simple sound recording, either. So, this in mind I go now to try to amplify the feeedback with sensory deprivation and try to regain the lost intensity of my pre oxycontin resounding trip with the brainwave generator thing and darkness. but I will return to this note..

Oh wait, I forgot earlier, yeah. opiates are like turning the volume down in that when that happens, the actual everyday sounds of the field become audible again through th cacophony of the speakers. real world input has returned to dominance, all though before I thought it was the reality, I see that the real of the mind is actually more so than the static, like stable in put of the material world. the feeedbacking effects are still here, but the physical world is relatively far, far louder than the mindpsychelic feedback loop. Or rather, since feedback can self amplify, as Ive been assuming all along opiates are like turning the volume way the fuck up on the stable input of the real physical world and drowning out the beautiful chaos that is created in the feedback loop. stamping it out with uniformity. beating it by numbers, number of watts or decibels or something. it is still there, but the sensory/memory ripples have dimished in size to like an inch from before when they had reached like the size of the field of vision, but off in the corner of my eye.

At some point they can grow evr larger, and this point is advanced by concentration, zoning out, darkness, and other ways. but as they grow larger it becomes apparent in a very direct way that what I am perceiving is no longer in the physical world because the contents of my mind begin to peak out around the edges of my vision as the inner and out er relative sizes of ideas appraoch a convergence where I can no longer distinguish the difference between inner source and outer source wavelengths and so the fallacy of duality and the fallacy of unity apparent. there is no one or two, because everythig is connected by Q.u.I.P. and cannot exist in a vacuum. there is only an infite sea of pointbroadcasts infinitely feeding back on each other. this is why taking psychedelics and expecting to be alice in wonderland (disney version, not literary) is silly. they dont make anything from outside happen or become visible but simply change the way that my own speakerfields (brain) individual memebers (neurons and synapses) interact. they change not things, but the way in which things relate. this is the secret of their power.

Other drugs dont operate on this psychedlic principle, but the principle is the same one that governs the interactions of people everywhere, to the beginning of time. its a [decibel drag racing] contest between the input of the physical world, and the world of mind which is discovering that the body-exterior input is too loud for its happiness, so why not escape.. but the key is just like this started in that happiness, fulfillmenent, no scratch those abstract terms, all the good things in life, comes as we gradually bring the inner and outer wavelengths (frequencies) into closer and closer harmonies to the point where extreme discrepancies between the real world and the preffered world no longer arise, or at least are quickly smothered in the emerging ripples from my mind and other friendlies. the other crucial example of real world networks are the internet and all forms of remote text publishing, since when people read books, its not the object of a book or paper or ink, but the record left by another mind of its experience. but I am not reading the ink, I am really reading the information in the universal mind lattice. further areas of experiment might be publishing, trying to discern how these insights can affect our physical feedback system (world) by text on websites, randomly distributed leaflets and such.

But dont think that because I missed the most magnificent part of the trip there is need to feel loss, rather the feeling of loss is minimal, now I know how I could go see that next week all over again given the same psychedelics, but without the contribution of the opiates (akin to an earth-grounding wire) I probably would have met god, or aliens, or something and found it really difficult to communicate what it was like to anyone, been frustrated when the tiny but life changing details were insignificant, or at best amusing to another. this is also why psychedelic art doesnt convey the experience, it doesnt have have that connected to other parts of my feeling that an experience I have had has. its like the old thing about a finger pointing at the moon, its important to look where its pointing, its not productive to set up a temple with idol of the Pointing Finger (underthemoon) is what we have always been told, but what I have found is that while for day to day survival and existence we need to take our bearings by the metaphorical moon moon sometimes, this is not in fact the part the really matters.



I just heard some living person talking to me and I thought damn its nice to be noticed to have other (living) artists who have an eye for it reccognize some good work. it happened to me gradually, and it seems like many things have that gradual imperceptible inevitable quality quality to them now I sense an inner dialogue that upon closer inspection breaks down into a fractal continuum with infinitenly dividing streams all flowing into each other and radiating information. the perceived q/duality is in intention, in ego, these things are not to be regretted but at the same time I begin to see the ways that the world of perception of concrete qulaitys and quantities leave so little tracing through our consciousness and memories until they have some care, value, or emotions attached to them in our stream (multi point surround sound) of mind. this experience this single ordinary human subject had brought a whole new dynamic to the 2 poles of the feedback system, one I had never before noticed perceived or believed. a dialogue spoken in multiple languages all at once and completely aside from spoken language at least spoken language I mean in the sense of written language or at least what can be written when you think to separate text on the page from the internal cues aromas and memories wishes fears etc-->

whoa hold on here, stream of consciousness is getting exhausted it 7:20am now I havent slipped I mean slept since 9 yesterday morning because of these drugs, its time for me to get a break. hope to fuck I dont miss class again. goodnight over and out, but to be continued.... should I edit this or go the gonzo journalism approach all the way, I wonder.and just what does this word should mean to me, anyway? what should it mean? this is one question I would challenge two people to come to an agreement agree on the answer to that question any day of the week or instant in the life of what makes up the 'universe outside'

thank you, this has been a concentrated experiment in seeing what can be created in the consciousness of readers by the consciousness in writers. I hope that the experiment has been 'successfull' and fulfilling to all the parties involved in its production and interpretation. presumably they would all go have themselves a wicked good time some how, after they get the joke and then get themselves get the joke, reflect on how these epiphanies differ from each other then think about how that reflection would look in a mirror. have a wicked good time and some mad crazy fun somehow, anyway its what the mind is built for, even if you dont think you can handle the entheogens...they are not a threat to our ego, but rather a tool for its further studies of itself....I might add to this after I wake up for class, if there is time. I certainly hope that I feel its finished when I get a chance to read over it all again after this. ill be happy if I can just get a bit of sleep and yet not sleep through class. and be groggy throughout the day and throughout life.

created by an interplay of controlled experiment (of consciousness on itself) and conceptual art who has just found a glorious fusion of concepts by experience and expressed said fusion in a way that has been far more satisfying than he believed programming (writing I mean?) ever could be.

hows is that for a memoir or a day in your journal, eh? does it meet the requirements of memoir, journal? that one just hit me, I thought I was going to pay for this trip academically and here I might just have a satrt on the one project that isnt due tomorrow just over the next horizon with setting sun.

I remember reading somewhere that the human brain is the most densley ramified and complexified type of structure in the known universe, containing more point broadcasters (neurons) than just about any number conceivable, while the information content ('real' and 'potential' links connections biochemical synapses) is allegedely greater in number (again this is from what I have read in science) than the number of single atoms (also point broadcasts) in the known universe. more info in one brain than all the single atoms in the universe combined if anyone could ever see them to start to count them just like my new mac is so fast because of massively paralell processing. imagine if few of those next generation systems/programmers hooked up for some serious collaboration imagine what just a hand full of these gray raisins might be capable of with a big amp with a clear sound and an audience (always including the self, too) not so much intending to listen but caring enough to hear the important thing in the inflections if not the clear text of the message.

copywright thursday january 15th 2004 ~8:25 am eastern standard american time. im not sure what to do with this text, I have an urge to distribute anonymous leafletts all over campus but also an urge to sort of see how I can exploit this ridiculous joy I have of being alive right now that has produced a potentially pro

[phetable?2/3/04 yeah, right. I just finally got around to reading through this for the first time tonight. I learned a great deal in a short period and things r working out for me despite (or because of?) a short stay in a psychiatric hospital. But this is some good shit I came up with if I do say so myself. Lots of typos, but I like the innuendo in some of them. Now I type two handed fully, but stillonly index fingers; slow at any speed]

fitable (in what way who can say) piece of writing. lets see if these two urges might actually have some common expression that is the same language in information. if the two urges can be unified in a seamless expression, a single idea in american english simpletext a single sentence. that is what I now intend to try to begin to try tto find out

interesting to note that as the phatty paragraph ended I started to shift as I tired, and now amm fully transitioned into writing with my right hand on the keyboard (leaning on that left exhausted arm now as I wish I had started the journey before dark. yesterday no left hand typing at all, here and yet the right hand seems to be working smoother than I can remember it doing for a while despite the fatigue. when all the options and plans of action seem desirable , you just have to foollow your instincts I guess.

a production of dna + rna etcetc on and on you get the idea. maybe I had this idea just because I was the guy who most wanted, but I tend to doubt this interpretation.

a production of the periodic table of the elements

a production of homo sapiens primates great apes chimpanzees lemurs maany different types under one category

a production of english (loose, informal) and unix overlayed with macintosh

composed by the anon., no-one, and all, for same.
typed by the anon., no-one, and all, for same.

a compilation by [name changed to protect identity] in particular

like wheels in a combination lock we have to listen for the clicks as we turn and hope the hearing and the noticing come closer to happening happening at exactly the same time tomorrow morning.

finis

I quit, this thing will have no revision, I cant stand to see the meaning for me of this text changed one little bit. all those christians [simpletons. Not IAM, but WE ARE (sort of)] believe in their bible which was, I guess in part originally written by apes with similar experiences, but is horribly distorted as the writers die and as the world it was written in changes. little do these fundamentalists know, with the right tools you can write the book (to your own personal satisfaction and specification) yourself, no 2000 year old scrolls needed

now is reallly and finally the end of this text:
The End.

1and beware that reverse transcriptase like effect, its not healthy, and it kills people therefore it is no good in my book.0

this is the miracle of the peak psychedelic experience brought into sharp descriptive relief from one of many perspectives on it.

now leaving for class at 9:25 [1/15/04] am soon leaving anyway

I feel like a million bucks sounds right now and because of that I see my day as full of interesting possibilities

no, for the same name
saturday 1/17/04 8:41-42 pm

Final thoughts

I learned the music of the spheres, now I'd like to try to learn some realaudio music

ive been gearing down to this for a long time now I think it would be fun to start shifting back up towards high gear

the end

Exp Year: 2004	ExpID: 30618
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Mar 21, 2006	Views: 6,772
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2C-I (172), 4-AcO-DET (188) : Not Applicable (38), Combinations (3)