DOSE:

7.5 g

oral

Morning Glory

(seeds)

BODY WEIGHT:

150 lb

WHAT the I Ching said
12/24/03 1:32 A.M.
The night before
21 Biting
changing to
37 The Family

12/24/03 1:00 P.M.
The day of
54 The Marrying Maiden
changing to
3 Retrenchment

At 2:02 P.M., I went outside and ingested 7.5 grams of morning glory seeds (untreated and organic). This was approximately 175-210 seeds, but I did not count. This was perhaps my third REAL morning glory experience. The first time I ever ingested them, was a true psychedelic experience and changed my life. The second time, I chickened out and did not eat enough seeds. I have attempted very pitifully 3-5 times in between then and now to eat enough at once, but not until this point has it occurred.

I live next to a cow pasture, and I simply watched the cows graze as I ate the seeds. I had not eaten anything since the night before, and I was washing the seeds down with some Roobis Chai tea (the ginger in it has always helped nausea in the past). I did not prepare too much for this trip, I had eaten the same foods I always eat the past week. My life was going fine, in fact it was Christmas Eve and I was happy. A peculiar incident had happened the day before, my ex-girlfriend and now roomate-good friend's mother went to the hospital. I was awoken by her cries on the answering machine to take her to see her mom (who turned out to be fine). I think that covers the setting fairly well. I had been alone since my ex went out of town the previous afternoon.

At about 2:20 P.M., I stopped eating the seeds because I could feel something. Sweaty armpits, slight tension in my body. I had intended to eat the 4th pack of seeds, but even after holding some in my hand (inside, sitting on the couch), I just threw them outside to the ground. This is what I wrote in my notebook. Afterwords, I'll try to fill in any blanks and bring you up to date on what effect it has had in the week since.

8:32 P.M.
Just realized while staring at the christmas tree all lit up, I have had premonitions of this event. The first was when I took LSD in a dream (though never in waking life), and had a vision of blue/red/white lights spinning spiraling like DNA. Then I had those same lights appear as I was falling asleep and my kundalini spontaneously arose. And now staring at the tree and coming down, I see the lit-up tree is the same thing as the lights. Weird.
Incredible trip...
(drawing of a female face)

10:13 P.M.
First I watched the A Perfect Circle DVD, and by 'Thinking of You' I was too nauseous to continue. Stopped it and put on the Kitaro CD ('Tunhuang'). It sounded angelic, definitely changed the mood. The nausea was intense; if I moved or even thought about it, it got worse. I think next I put 'Alice' on (Jan Svankmajer). Fought the urge to vomit throughout. It was a good movie. I must say, sex was a huge part of the trip. As I watched 'Alice', I couldn't help but feel aroused by her. Not that I honestly want to have sex with a young girl, but I sure would in about 10 years since that. I then watched the Darkness Light Darkness film (same director), which cheered me up a lot. Great movie, great animation. Somewhere around this time, I stared at a mirror with sun/moon symbols on it, and realized I need to feel more. That was the purpose of this trip, perhaps. I think I put 'Altered States' on next. Great movie, I kept identifying the redhead with my ex-girlfriend. Very sexual. Sex you can smell. At one point, I had visions of me fucking, it turned out I was having sex with myself (So desperate...).

After the movie, by which time I was very open, I turned out the lights and turned on the small christmas tree. I felt the same energy I feel when I have sex, when I am creative (guitar, drawing, whatever), when I meditate (kundalini), when I smoke 5-MeO-DMT, when I feel compassion, when I LIVE. It's so dangerous, like the whole time I kept having recurring thoughts about getting dehydrated, or swallowing my tongue, or freezing to death. But I didn't let anything consume me. I put on headphones and the cd 'Magical Power From Mars Volume 2' by Acid Mothers Temple and The Melting Paraiso U.F.O. And MY GOD. Wow, it was amazing, I got lost in my thought stream to the point where I lose this identifying part of me and everything loses it's identification and just IS. Then I slip back. Then I go back and forth, a million thoughts and feelings...racing....I opened my eyes and realized even though only 4 minutes had gone by, since the Acid Mothers cd had stopped, it was an INFINITE amount of time. Infinity.

At one point, I saw many eyes, one merged into two (the infinity symbol). Everything was connected, it was like sexual satisfaction, there was only one. It felt like the answer to every question. It was one made out of two...it is the source of creativity, imagination. It IS. If we could just TOUCH that, taste it...what more is there. But we don't want to, because it means all our desires are worthless.

I put on a compilation cd with 'Pushit' (Tool) and A Perfect Circle acoustic. I remember 'The Hollow' sounded beautiful. 'ORESTES'. While I listened to that, I remembered/realized something..Just like a dream that slips away when you realize you are waking up. It all felt like a dream, but it wasn't hazy. So clear. Everything was so clear. I cried during 'Orestes', Billy sounded so honest. I felt it. Everything got introspective, I felt like I wasn't doing anything for anyone. I thought about family. How I wish I was with people...then I knew I must create my own, my own everything. Not just a family (which I honestly don't want anyway). And I can't go back...I put on 'Cellscape' by Melt Banana, crazy crazy crazy. I saw a drawing of a nude Japanese woman. Erotic, of course. I attempted to recreate that face on the 1st page. No way I could.

It got sort of scary, in that I didn't feel good. I couldn't hang on to anything, I realized I was hanging on to the good things.....it is all so sad, there is a sadness now that 'I' am back. But I am filled with wonder. And I want sex. Arg...

Ok. I just want to state that the only thing worth getting out of any of that was, the peaceful unfathomable state of mind I was aware of. It wasn't happiness, or anything of that sort. It was much more basic. It was childlike awe, wonder that what was going on everywhere and inside of myself could actually exist. Psychedelics for some reason bring this same quality out in me, this awe. Our minds are infinite, I touched that and am back. But this trip was nothing new to me, exactly. I experience a much slighter version of this when my kundalini arises, or in dreams and the hypnogogic state. I think because I consciously raise kundalini, and it is awake in me, that it guided this trip. A very positive experience, though. The only thing left for me is to share it with others, and not be stuck trying to live in that moment when it happened. Because it will happen again.

Exp Year: 2003	ExpID: 29662
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Feb 7, 2005	Views: 63,516
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