DOSE: T+ 0:00	5 mg	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
T+ 1:00	2 hits	smoked	Cannabis	(flowers)
T+ 0:00	bowls	smoked	Cannabis	(flowers)

BODY WEIGHT:

160 lb

I’ve had 3 psilocybin experiences before this, of which only one was with more than a light dose. I’ve also had about 5 lsd trips, a dozen dxm trips, infrequent cannabis use for a year and a couple of experiences with ketamine, amphetamine, mdma and pregabalin. Never had any medication.

I was at home, no one else but my brother being home. No tripsitter, but always been a fan of tripping totally alone and even yielding better trips this way due to heightened social anxiety and inability to communicate while tripping. On a great mood, no major life issues nor responsibilities. Ingested 5 dried grams of psilocybe cubensis on an empty stomach, around 1am in my room. Didn’t do fancy preparations, just chewed them up and chugged some water after since I’ve always quite liked the taste of psilocybin mushrooms. I had no tolerance to psychedelics and a pretty small tolerance to cannabis.

After ingestion I decided to go for a swim to boost my mood before the shrooms started coming up. After packing my gear and a five minute bike ride to the lake I already started feeling the effects. (+0:10) The first effect of a psychedelic trip for me is always that I physically feel like I’m being squeezed, usually not unpleasant, but this time there was minor nausea probably due to the high dose. Cognitively I started feeling more “fuzzy” and just had the general feeling that something was “different”. I ended up not swimming, just put one leg in water and decided it wouldn’t improve my mood.

(+0:20) I started biking back home. To this point, the ascension to the psychedelic realm had been quite slow, not like it usually is with lsd. Biking home I could see minor CEVs (closed eye visuals), strobing lights and afterimages of the scenery I passed. I was slightly disconnected from my body and the environment, but surprisingly not in a headspace I consider psychedelic yet.

(+0:30) I was home and laying on my bed, just breathing. The bike ride improved my mood, and I was mentally ready for what I had planned to be 5 dried grams in silent darkness. The visuals had gotten major enhancements since the last time I had focused on them. They already had a meaning attached to them. I saw neon red, yellow and green colored sceneries of forests and amusement parks that fused together and fluctuated between realistic and surreal, with the park rides and trees morphing into fractals and back.

Suddenly the scenery turned more grim. The neon colors and the amusement parks were gone, but the forest was there. The forest turned black with an orange background and giant mushrooms with tortured faces started popping up among the trees. Several industrial elements, like chimneys and conveyor belts moving the mushrooms around started appearing. For me a common theme on trips: destruction of nature. I’ve already experienced the theme several times before, so I wasn’t frightened by it like I would’ve been on my first few trips (both lsd and psilocybin).

The visual also had another message: The mushroom is now in charge, not me. It told me what it always does: go into nature. Knowing that the trip is always better for me when I do what the substance suggests (as long as I don’t do obviously dumb stuff I’d regret later) I opened my eyes, turned on the lights, packed cannabis and water into my backpack and headed outside wearing a colorful shirt, shorts and slides with no socks on. The skin in my legs didn’t end up liking the choice, while the mosquitoes loved it. But before heading out ( around +1:00) I had told myself “discomfort doesn’t matter on a path to enlightenment” and that was my rationale for not using insect repellent.

I left all technology home. After all I’m there to immerse myself in nature, not to focus on “the normal” life. First hundred meters in the forest I kept repeating my name and every time it had a bit less meaning. First leg of my trip was an abandoned house in the woods where I had hidden a gravity bong. Smoked half a bowl in two hits and not a second later the confusion hit like a brick. “What am I? I’m a human, but what is a human? What am I here for?” I kept spinning in place trying to figure out the questions and at this point the big realization hit me: “What do I mean do what? Just do something, kill time, live”. Spent a minute thinking and came up with a plan: climb a nearby hill and smoke some more. I hid the gravity bong and headed back to the path.

Mushrooms produce a unique type of physical disconnection. My every limb looks alien and even though I’m walking to where I’m supposed to, it feels like they have a will of their own. When looking at my feet, the mushroom told me to take my slides off, so the rest of the hike was to be done barefoot. The CEVs at this stage we’re gone, not because of the cannabis, nor did the trip end yet. I just simply didn’t care about seeing things that weren’t there. The beauty of the vibrant green nature morphing and melting around me was what I wanted to see and thus didn’t give a single thought to CEVs for the rest of the trip.

The cannabis skyrocketed the euphoria to levels I’ve rarely experienced before. Every step I took I felt connected to the networks of trees, fungi and every other component of the forest, all individually. In addition to finishing the hike, life only had one meaning which I was fulfilling flawlessly: to breathe. Every breath was a wind inside me slowly blowing away all the problems, worries and anxieties. Not just the ones that the comeup brought but all recent small worries and old major emotional locks that still had some effect on me. What was still remaining of the emotional walls I had built around myself during a traumatic childhood experience was being broken down with a record speed.

The walk to the hill was as easy as teleporting there, but was filled with the introspection that I couldn’t achieve by meditating for a week straight and countless frames of indescribably beautiful mental pictures of nature, the trees, the flowers, a river, a blue sky. Re-living experiences from a childhood you don’t remember living is quite strange, and it being therapeutic and making the egoless “me” feel even more euphoric is even stranger. I arrived at the hill, welcomed by the most gorgeous scene ever: The sun rising, several lakes around me, vegetation and trees as far as I can see and a bit of mist in the distance.

Then the confusion hit again. What now? I felt like I was about to finish life. Not in the sense of dying, but being the first person to feel the perfect moment. I thought I was the only human in the world and it was my obligation to find out what life is. Or rather what it is to be alive. My brain went into overdrive and I became anxious because I had the biggest responsibility ever. I was one action away from perfection, the meaning of life, god, the centerpiece of existence and dozens of other concepts I felt like meant the same thing at the moment. My best idea was to get naked and roll around in grass and I thought about it for minutes, walking back and forth and unbuttoning my shirt until I realized I had a bit of cannabis left. That was to be the final act. Walked up to a rock at the center of the hill, sat down and packed a full bowl.

I had a beautiful light blue lighter that matched my shirt perfectly, which was a sign that I was doing the right thing. I smoked the bowl almost completely, until I saw “2/8” written on the lighter. Instantly knew I had to finish the bowl with my other lighter, which had a more abstract, black and gold theme and the numbers 1/8 written on it. I always called it “the dematerialization lighter” because I had bought it a month ago with the idea that some day I will smoke a bowl while tripping, and looking at the lighter will make me feel like I turn from a physical being to a spirit. Funny thing was that I hadn’t felt my physical body for what felt like ages already. But I smoked the bowl and what I wanted to happen happened: I felt like I had finished life. It was all concepts I told myself I was going to experience, it was god, it was oneness.

I sat in awe not more than a minute and decided to head home, because I finally remember I had one. I put my slides back on and I was ready to return. Few steps in I remembered my name, that had lost meaning and become completely forgotten earlier. The trip was so breathtaking and I was so in love with life, that even returning to everyday life and working to get my sense of reality back was euphoric. All in all the trip was perhaps the best experience I’ve ever had, and I have experienced a lot of joy, euphoria and great experiences throughout my life. Got back home around 6am (+5:00), slept a couple of hours and life started going on as usual, except it was now better in every way I could’ve imagine. Peace and love to all.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115636
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Jul 20, 2023	Views: 518
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Cannabis (1), Mushrooms (39) : Alone (16), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Personal Preparation (45), Nature / Outdoors (23), Mystical Experiences (9), Glowing Experiences (4), Combinations (3)