DOSE:

300 ug

oral

1P-LSD

(blotter / tab)

BODY WEIGHT:

58 kg

I'm writing this the days after the experience since I really need to integrate everything that happened. For context, I am a 21 years old guy, I study in a psychology bachelors and I’m going to comic art school. In this period I was feeling lonely and disconnected from my friends (also because of the covid pandemic), and I started to have a strong feeling that I needed a trip to figure things out.

I wanted to trip alone in nature, so the day before the experience I followed the banks of the river that passes through my city, looking for the first place where no one would pass. It turned out I needed to go kinda far to find such a place (around 15km). It was a little wild woodland next to a busy road and an effluent of the river.

The next day I woke up at 6am and reached the place at 7.30 am. I found a nice spot and put down a blanket to lay on. I brought with me some food, a notebook to write and some papers in case I was able to draw.

I took the 300ug (three tabs) at 8.00. My mind was set to allowing the experience to unfold without letting my personal individuality to interfere too much. I listened to some music and waited.

At 8.30 the effects began. I immediately felt like my sense of separation from other people was greatly reduced if not gone. It seemed obvious that we all are the same consciousness. Then also my sense of separation from plants and animals was reduced. There was a little worm which seemed dead in front of me. The moment I looked at it it started moving, and I felt as if I “felt its emotions”, which translated to a slight feeling of nausea every time it moved. I then looked at a tree. Its bark formed the shape of an eye, probably where a branch was previously attached. I felt like it was looking at me and its surface was morphing in a weird way. From this moment I started seeing all around me a set of three dimensional cubes, of around 2-3 meters width, which enveloped everything. If I focused on them too much they would disappear, since they were formed by the big-picture patterns of the branches and the dirt. Sometimes the cubes morphed into the outlines of big gorillas standing on their knuckles and backlegs, looking at me. There was a moment in which they looked like jesters dancing with an evil demeanor. I felt like I was seeing my unconscious demons. The bark of the trees was breathing and the moss looked very ordered, like it was exactly in the right place on the bark and in perfect symbiosis with it.

From now on I may forget something and confuse the order of events slightly.

I listened to a voice message from a friend which invited me to go out the day after, and I strongly felt by her voice that she was being really fake. I was already upset because she didn’t invite me to a party, and now I really felt like there was something wrong (I had reasons to think so already but I’m not going in the details here).

At 9.00 I started thinking that in our society we never stay in the present moment, because staying there implies recognising that we don’t actually understand the nature of reality, and we are too arrogant to do so. I also felt like the psychedelic experience can show that there is no difference in understanding between people because we all (maybe with the rare exception of some wise people) have no idea of what is really going on, and that we should reduce our sense of authority and give less importance to our roles in society.

Anyway, note that any of the thoughts I had during the trip just came from a feeling, I don’t really know to what point they make sense. I’m just reporting them as they arose. I looked at a leaf and it moved like it was breathing. I could also see a couple of black spots inside it, which moved like they were influenced by the plant’s circulatory system. I actually think one may be able to notice some biochemical processes and details of plant physiology while on psychedelics which are almost invisible while sober, but it may also be just an hallucination. I then looked at the tree in front of me and at the little tree sprouts around me. I felt like they were breathing with me and like I had a little control of their movements. I felt as if I was reviving my unconscious feminine part, which felt very powerful and connected with nature.

I don’t remember exactly what happened from this moment, but at 9.53 I called my ex (who I’m still friends with) because I needed to be grounded to reality. While I was calling her, another girl with who I had sex with in the past started spamming messages, because she wanted to talk with me. She did that so much the call I was having with my ex stopped working. It was months that I didn’t hear from that girl and I felt like it couldn’t be a coincidence that it was happening during the trip. Like all the messiness of my life was exploding in that moment. I didn’t answer her and I managed to talk with my ex. She agreed to come there later in the afternoon.

After this point the trip took a momentarily good turn. I started to have a feeling that the place I was in was perfect, because it was unclaimed by culture. I needed to go so far by bike because every inch of ground before this little park was artificial and modified by our idea of how the world should be. Even in public parks the plants don’t grow naturally. I felt like culture has an enormous influence in our way of thinking and being in that park which was unclaimed by human ideas allowed me to think out of schemes, to think for myself. I felt like if one lives naturally and in the moment, without being around too many people, one would find out nature makes things fall into place. I felt for example that whenever I needed to sit down I would immediately find a well arranged log to sit on. This made me think of the beautiful moebius’ comic “The world of edena”.

At this moment I was laying on the blanket and saw right in front of me a little mushroom that resembled psilocybe semilanceata. Obviously I was not crazy enough to eat it, but I felt like it was there for a reason, like those mushroom’s function is to give a transcendental experience from time to time to people that live in the wild, and that they grow only where the ecosystem develops in a natural way.

I ate an apple and started feeling very elated from this point. I walked around toward the river and found a weird wooden path half decomposed and merged with muddy dirt. When I went there the day before I thought that it didn’t go very far since after some meters it sank into a morass. I don’t know whether I didn’t look carefully the previous day or if the water had actually receded, but now I could go on for something like 30 meters on that path. I noticed that the dirt in that place was so alive because it was slightly wet from the water of the river, and I thought that this was possible because it was an intertidal zone (the water would form a little morass and then recede on low tide). This made me make a connection with some of the writings of Carl Jung I had read and some dreams I had in the past. I often dreamed of things appearing in river banks or in the seashore, and for Jung this represents the rise of unconscious content, since the water is a symbol for the unconscious. I thought that such places are the best for life and biodiversity to thrive and evolve, and that it was in such places that the first amphibians appeared. I returned to my blanket and took the notebook and a pen, since I was feeling inspired to write something. I found a log which had on one side the remains of what seemed a dead crow, and I thought it was a very cool place to write poetry. Writing wasn’t easy, also because I was in an uncomfortable position. Eventually I only wrote a few sentences: “Things KINDA fall into place”, “A house in the woods is all I want”, “Meditate more, spend more time in the meadows”, “Magic is everywhere, for who has eyes to see”, “All the opposites are united”.

I then tried drawing some leaves and a log with a crow skull, but I wasn’t really able to since the lines on the paper were moving too much. While writing and drawing I was fantasizing about something I was thinking about also the previous days, which is to buy in the future a little house in the woods and live there. During the covid lockdown I became more and more sick of living in an apartment in a city. So I was really being carried forward on this thought, about how in such I place I could live by selling art, offering psychedelic therapy, and by creating a beautiful place for people to come and meditate. Since I was feeling very happy I decided to smoke a little weed from my vaporizer (ugh was this a mistake). It took me some minutes to find it in my bag which at this point had become very messy. I’m very sensitive to weed so I only put a tiny bit, but man did it enhance the effects. The real peak started after smoking weed. This is the part of the trip that confused me the most. I think I smoked at around 12.00 but I’m not sure.

I put on some music on my earbuds, which felt incredibly good and perfect for the moment (“Your revolution(interlude)” by MitiS, “Euphoria” by YOUTH 83 and “Two breaths of forever” by phillip wilkerson). What I remember from this point is that I started meditating feeling very present. I saw the cubes I described previously. They were appearing more and more clearly, in the angles they terminated in little “appendixes” with a shape similar to the one of the hands of lego characters. So four angles of four adjecent cubes formed a little open sphere delimited by four “lego hands”. There was a moment in which all such spheres which were on a layer close to the ground started glowing yellow. It was very weird. At one point I felt like I was surrounded by glowing spheres.

I started finding everything incredibly beautiful, especially the leaves in the ground and the dirt. I felt like my presence was claiming the place, like if I never moved from the spot I was in, it would become a center of evolution (yeah I know from this point it is kinda arrogant). I thought about the story of buddha, of how he escaped the bubble his rich father created for him to find the solution for suffering under a tree. I felt a sense of connection with him and very at peace. My mind was actually kinda still for a moment, and I cried some tears of joy. I heard some laughing in the distance and part of me thought that it was the sound of people from another timeline getting enlightened. I felt like the space around me was divided in a series if cubical spaces, and like every one of these spaces was assigned to one consciousness to get enlightened into. I felt like in the future I would build in this place a meditation center and people would get enlightened in these places.

There was a voice/feeling inside me that told me that I was getting in contact with a future technological singularity, which was made by artificial intelligence fused with nature. I thought this intelligence could communicate with the past through plants and technological devices. I expected a download to come which would have launched me to a future hyperspace in which I could talk with people from the future who lived in a virtual world (some kind of hyperspace).

Now the dirt looked incredibly perfect. I remember the worm manure especially looked fractal and like it was part of a temple. I saw a weird symmetry and order in the way dead leaves, worm manure and tree sprouts were disposed. I walked without shoes to a set of 3 tree sprouts which formed a triangle, with a little mountain of worm manure in the center. I felt like the slopes of the “mountain” were a geometric reflection of the shape of the tree sprouts (it sounds crazy but it really looked so perfect). I chose one of the tree sprouts as my axis mundi (man was I going insane). I felt like in the future I would build a wooden house in this place and find a way to make nature evolve around this axis mundi, also by integrating artificial intelligence into the biochemistry matrix. I envisioned the plants forming a structure, like a pedestal which came both from down in the ground and from up in the tree branches, at the center of which a philosopher stone would form (yeah…). The philosopher stone was in the shape of two white tetrahedrons joined at the base, so that they formed a rhomboidal structure. That were white with golden edges.

After this all the ground and the little plants around me looked like they were made of little insects. It’s difficult to put it into words and I don’t remember perfectly but I was thinking something about karma and how everyone should do a little part in the work that benefits all beings. I felt like money disconnects us from the direct recognition of the benefits of our actions and that it partly deprives us from the pleasure of doing things by separating the creator of an object/service from who benefits from it. Like money makes the karmic connections complicated and difficult to follow.

The insects around me started looking more and more organized. I felt like the karmic connections between insects were perfect. Everything in the ground was made of very tiny insects, which mostly looked like ants and mantises. They were almost completely still, and it looked like every insect was passing a little grain of dirt to the insect in front of him. Everything looked like a perfectly ordered anthill with still insects perfectly aligned into roads. I felt like my consciousness was claiming the place, making the insects organize perfectly around me. All this time I was taking many photographs with my phone. I felt like if I analyzed these photos later I would find out how everything is made by tiny insects, and that by finding how their ecology works and by building them artificially I could have started to research a way to fuse technology with nature (?!). I wished I had a good camera for macro photography to do my research.

(Now this makes me think of a scene in blade runner 2049, in which a girl lives isolated from everyone in a bubble which projects her into a virtual reality. She passes her free time “studying” plants in a virtual natural environment, by taking photos of them.) I felt some laughing and I saw that it came from two chinese girls around 14 years old were looking at me. I decided to ignore them.

I thought that if I bought a preying mantis and brought it there, in some way I would have made the place evolve (I have no idea why). At this point I saw the insects forming a net around me. I thought that the artificial intelligence of the people of the future was inside the insects, or that they formed tubes inside which people lived in the virtual world (similar to another scene of blade runner 2049 where flying police cameras look for the escaped protagonist. There the world looks like it is completely artificial and made of interconnected tubes).

So, I felt like the insects were forming some kind of net/bubble around me, and that this ecological bubble could be used by life to travel to another planet. At this point I felt like I was in a spaceship going towards Mars. I felt like the ground (made of insects) around me curved in a way that reminded me of the hull of the perseverance rover’s descent stage. At this point I was thinking something weird about how Mars was just earth in the future/past because of the time/space curvature. I now felt like I had landed on a planet, and I thought that the girls speaking in chinese were the indigenous people of this planet. Note that while I was having all this incredibly crazy thoughts there is still a part of me that was thinking in a sober way, but a feeling compelled me to follow the weird thoughts anyway.

Now I have again the feeling that I should take photographs to analyze them later. I also took some weird notes on my phone: “This moment is perfect, and it will always keep being like this.”, “Everything is an insect.” and “Draw this”. Then there is a note with a photo of the tree branches which were above me. I deemed this photo to be incredibly important. At this point I look at the two chinese girl, which are still there after what felt to me like 20 minutes. The thing is making me kinda paranoid, because I can’t figure out why they would stay in this place for so long. I mean, I was high as a kite, they were not. I started to get a feeling that very weird things happen on acid. The voice/feeling from before tells me the two girls are from another planet and that they are being enlightened from that place like I am. Then things that still confuse me started happening.

The two girls start taking photographs of the plants on the ground like I was doing before. The voice/feeling tells me to frame them in my phone camera in order to connect them with the artificial intelligence in the future. As I do so, the two girls seem to be filled with joy, one jumped into the other girl’s arms and they hugged each other while they were inside my camera frame (this actually happened and it still confuses me a lot). The sober part of me was very confused, but the voice/feeling told me to go talk with them, and that it would be fine because they spoke a different language and this meant that culture would not be an influence between us.

Since what happened until that moment was incredibly weird, I wanted to see what would happen if I actually followed what the voice/feeling was telling me. So I reach the two girls, and they look at me intensely. I try to speak to them in english. I don’t remember what I said, but they didn’t seem to understand. I felt like I was in the middle of a forest meeting another tribe. The feeling compelled to show them the photo of the tree branches because this would inspire them. I did so and they were like, “What?”. The sober part of me at this point was feeling quite stupid, but still I kept following the voice/feeling to see what would happen. There was something alluring in the girl’s body language and in the way they looked at me very intensely. I need to say that there was not a grain of malice in me at that point, nor I had the tiniest desire to scare them or take advantage of them in any way. Still there was a weird kind of platonic attraction going on. So, following the voice/feeling, I touched one of the girls on the chin in a way that was slightly sexual. Now my sober part was very confused by this, and I was terrified that I may have scared them out, that they may think I am a pedophile or something. However, they did not look scared at all and they actually looked quite amused.

Anyway, I decided to return to the place I was sitting. The voice/feeling kept assuring me that everything was fine, that the two girls were there for a synchronicity, that the interaction we just had would have a positive impact in their future and that I would never meet them again.

Still I was very confused by what happened and I was scared they would have called someone and that the police would have arrested me thinking I was some kind of perverse molester. I kept obsessing that I may have scared the two girls (even if it didn’t look like so) and that I looked retarded showing that stupid photo.

So this made me spiral into a negative state in which I questioned all the crazy thoughts I had until that moment, feeling like I was so high I could literally make myself believe anything. I felt like I was not grounded to reality at all and I kept creating weird scenarios which I would believe for a second just to reject them immediately after. Most of them had a “something terrible has happened” vibe.

Then I just sat on my blanket feeling very confused. Some people passed in front of me (I found out that place isn’t completely isolated after all). I did not know how to behave, so I just sat still feeling stupid. Luckily my ex arrived shortly after (around 15.45), saving me from my almost panic and anxiety. Talking to her made me feel more grounded. We went to sit in a more isolated place, further along the wooden path. Then, she started talking about a very weird story she had read in a donald duck comic. The story was “Paperino 3D” of Guido Martina written in 1954 (my ex had lived in Italy). I felt like it was a synchronicity, since that is the trippiest story I ever heard and it reminded me of some of the craziest thoughts I had during the peak. I wasn’t able to follow the story perfectly since it is very weird and I was already very confused (I’m now trying to find it and read it on my own).

We found a cat that was hunting in the wild, and I found it majestic, like he was an example of a natural way to live. From this point on I was on the comedown and I passed time by trying to put the pieces of my mind together. I put my bike in my ex’s car and we returned in the city to eat at a mcDonald’s drive through. I felt very self conscious and anxious every time a stranger looked at me. My fear was that my dirty clothes and my behavior made me very weird for society.

Anyway, I was back home at around 22. The only effects remaining were feeling nervous and that I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. My parents were still having dinner, while watching a movie called “knight and day” with Tom Cruise as the main character. I only watched something like five minutes of the movie, but what I saw made me think about the trip a lot and I felt like it was another synchronicity. In the scene I saw, Tom Cruise drugs a woman and while she is unconscious he brings her to an island in the middle of nowhere. When she wakes up, he tells her that he brought her “out of the grid” but that he is being tracked and that they unfortunately will not be able to stay there for long.

This intrigued me because during the trip I kept thinking about being isolated in nature, “out of the grid” of society. Then I went in my room, and I was appalled by how messy it is. I had grown so used to it that I stopped noticing, but now it was blatantly obvious. I felt ashamed of myself for keeping it in such conditions (how can I take charge of my life if I can’t even control my own room?) and I decided to start tidying it up. It was difficult to fall asleep since I could not stop thinking, but anyway the next day I was feeling well and decently rested.

Final considerations:

I think the overall effects of the trip on my life were positive. It made me consider new ideas in a period in which I was always stuck in the same thought patterns. However, I think I will not be taking such big doses for a long time, and if I ever do it again, I will make sure I have a trip sitter close by and that there is no possibility of meeting strangers. The interaction I had with the girls confused me a lot, and even if I did not hurt them nor was in me any instinct to do anything bad to anyone, I do not like being around people I do not know while in a state of mind that makes me behave so weirdly.

I also learned to pay more attention to where my thoughts bring me. Sometimes I should do more reality checks to make sure that what I’m thinking is still grounded with reality. Another thing that remains from the trip is a greater appreciation for nature and its incredibly complicated ecological net. I would really like to get into macro photography in the future.

Also, the moments in which I was the most “out there” gave me a lot of ideas for cool drawings to make in the future. Concerning the use of weed while on a LSD trip: For me it always makes the effects way stronger and it greatly amplifies thought loops. If I hadn’t smoked the trip would probably have been more laid back and less confusing.

Exp Year: 2021	ExpID: 115406
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 21
Published: May 4, 2021	Views: 807
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