DOSE: T+ 0:00	120 mg	oral	Pharms - Memantine
T+ 5:43	60 mg	oral	Pharms - Memantine
T+ 9:30		vaporized	Cannabis	(extract)
T+ 0:00	20 mg	oral	Pharms - Memantine
T+ 0:00	175 mg	oral	Diphenhydramine
T+ 24:00	60 mg	oral	Pharms - Memantine
T+ 0:00		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

215 lb

Age: 18
Weight: 215 lbs.
Gender: Transmasculine
Past Drugs: A lot of them, but dissos I have done before this include countless DXM trips and one ketamine trip.

Preface: I was in a rough spot before taking this, and I was fiending to feel better so bad I kept redosing the bottle. Please do not redose this substance. I had stopped taking notes shortly after writing down some on the morning of day 2, so that’s where timestamps will stop.

Day 1

6:03 A.M.: 120 mg of solution was downed like a shot with cranberry juice (I know, I know, cranberries fuck up memantine trips. I had forgotten and didn’t have any other juice). It tastes like a weird alien fruit on its own. Very gross. I do not use the cranberry shot method after this; I preferred diluting it in water after.

6:18: Placebo is kicking in.

6:27: Felt wavy-ish and went on my laptop.

6:36 to 6:38: Listening to music, feeling somewhat anxious, extremely slight swirling overlay can be seen if focused on a light-colored wall or piece of paper.

6:46: Slightest hint of a headspace, feeling something but can’t quite put my finger on it. It has started feeling clinical.

6:51: Talking to my friend, feeling very talkative and more alert.

7:06: Definitely feels like a cleaner second plateau DXM trip, but also not really. Very clean, “hospital” feeling of sorts.

7:25: I am writing a poem to my boyfriend as I feel really loving and creative, but it’s very hard to focus/articulate my thoughts properly. I want to make beautiful thoughts and metaphors, but it is very difficult.

7:47: I went to the bathroom. I had sprained both my ankles earlier on in the week, and they were still painful before dosing. Right now, though, it’s easier to walk on them.

7:51: BPD symptoms melting, my fears from the night before of my boyfriend ignoring me (he wasn’t) are nullified.

8:05: Cognitive ability is declining. Analgesia is still in full swing. Listening to a song my boyfriend likes and it feels very spacey.

8:11: Talking to people, about to use the bathroom, going to lay down on my phone after peeing.

8:14: Off balance, but I didn’t have to limp to the bathroom like I had been.

8:25: Detaching from body, listening to my favorite dissociatives/DXM song (Who Do You Want To Be (1983 Version) by Oingo Boingo) on loop. I am feeling very amazed and awestruck.

8:27: I can feel wheels turning, machines whirring, cogs in machines. I feel as though an angel is trying to communicate to me.

8:30: I picked up a book on angels and skimmed it as reading is hard.

8:58: Time to take a shower.

9:17: All clean. I can stand and walk properly at this point, and showering was no issue whatsoever. It was quite enjoyable.

9:45: On Reddit feeling detached from myself.

9:59: I am very dissociated, and everything feels neutral. There is no right or wrong here, no black and white thinking, it’s all gray.

10:31: Closing my eyes has me seeing revolving cubes and vague cityscapes. Feeling delighted at the prospect of having my mental issues melt away.

11:46: It’s at this point where I redose 60 mg more, after spending an hour doing nothing at all.

12:30 P.M.: Talking to my boyfriend about stuff, I am feeling very euphoric and lovely and loving this chemical a ton.

1:15: As written in my notes, “Euphoria up the asshole! I’m not a monster! I’m a good being! I’m alright! I’m neutral and that’s good enough!”

3:10: Called my friend for a bit, we talked about trauma and our exes and whatnot. Going to hit my dab cart soon and see what that is like.

3:32: Weed and memantine go together like peanut butter and jelly. I took my hits then laid down thinking about my boyfriend while listening to some good music. I feel normal for once. I love feeling these emotions and being myself, and I don’t care if the music I like is bad or whatever. I’m me, and that’s what makes me happy.

At this point I don’t write for a couple hours, as I spend them drawing and watching a movie with my mom. The movie is very triggering and almost sends me spiraling into psychosis, as the movie has to do with nutty dreams and psychological horror. I redosed 20 mg before watching it. After the movie, I called my boyfriend and was calmed down immediately. That night, I had to take 175 mg of Benadryl in order to fall asleep. I slept just fine with the DPH in my system despite feeling alert for a while.

Day 2

Today I go to school. I redosed 60 mg as soon as I woke up. I go about my day and talk to my social worker for a solid half hour, 45 minutes. It was very cathartic to talk to her, almost manic. I took a test for Civics and found I could not hold my pen properly, and totally bombed the quiz in a bad way. I could barely write. At this point I feel really strung out but in the best way possible. School ended without a hitch and I went home. There, I smoke a lot of cannabis and watch an anime with my boyfriend and friend. It is the highlight of my day, and I am practically holing after smoking a lot. I can focus on the anime easily, and at some points it is very intense (we are watching Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, part one). I’ve read it before so I know what’s going to happen, but I also forgot a lot of it so it was very jarring to watch. I loved it.

After this I redosed some more the next day for my online class stuff, and my memory gets foggy. I remember sleeping a lot after the high wore off to recuperate my brain. I slept around 20 hours over the course of 2 days. I felt somewhat retarded until after sleeping on Friday. Overall, the trip felt very important and beneficial to my wellbeing, and I had a blast. I was somewhat shaky during the experience, food tasted less flavorful, and my libido was shot. Those are the only bad side effects of note to me.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114916
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Nov 9, 2020	Views: 1,878
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Pharms - Memantine (309) : Combinations (3), Multi-Day Experience (13), General (1), Various (28)