DOSE:	repeated	smoked	Methamphetamine
	900 mg	oral	DXM

BODY WEIGHT:

180 lb

[Erowid Note: Driving while intoxicated, tripping, or extremely sleep deprived is dangerous and irresponsible because it endangers other people. Don't do it!]
I had been using methamphetamine and at the time of this DXM trip I had probably been awake for 3 or so days. I was already experiencing psychotic effects of sleep deprivation and continuous use of methamphetamine. I was experiencing thoughts that I could not identify as my own and, anyway, it was, say 8PM, and due to my paranoia I decided to flee to stay in a motel far from home to feel more safe. I took 3 bottles of 15mg generic Robitussin gelcaps (20 per bottle/300mg per). I knew that I only had around an hour or so before I would begin to become pummeled by the effects of this strong dose.

I couldn't make it to the motel in time, and knew that I would just have to pull over in a safe place off the road, whatever nearest I could find, because I was becoming too disoriented to drive. I ended up in some kind of driveway, I think, not very visible from the main road. I then became completely submerged in a dream-like experience that was not like being awake, because what I was seeing was in a way resemblant of where I was, but it was nothing like I could see with my eyes open. I don't know if they were actually open or if I was literally dreaming; I think I was awake but just in a full-on trance that I may not be able to understand or put into words, hence the supposed dissociation.

So the first part of this "dream" I can remember is being in a car, which I actually was, but this one had no doors, although it had windows at it looked like I was in a place like London. No way to exit, and it was like some kind of van or taxi with 3 or 4 rows of seats, and because I thought I was parked downtown in a city which looked like the graphics of London from a PC game I used to play. It had some kind of blacklight look, as if I were in a laser tag arena. There was no way to exit this car and I was stuck in the backseat with almost no leg room, very uncomfortable, feeling my knees pressed against the hard plastic of the seat in front of me. In reality, the next occurence was when I would guess that police arrived, decided I was intoxicated and called the ambulance to bring me to the hospital because they were not sure what drugs I had taken and if I was in enough danger to require medical attention.

In my dissociated state, I experienced more of a kidnapping. From the car I was held hostage in, I was pulled backwards into the very back of the car, and appeared in some sort of cage which looked like one of those colored ball-pits they had at the indoor playground birthday party placed such as Chuck-E-Cheese. I felt relieved to have been freed of my captivity in the car but also figured I would have no control as to where I went next. Eventually I ended up out of the colorful ball-pit in the back of the car and ended up in a more comfortable, normal kind of limousine/taxi with regular looking seats. The driver was my downstairs neighbor who I believed was my abductor because my paranoia from using methamphetamine led me to believe that he was working with an undercover cop and had me arrested that night because he knew I had been smoking meth upstairs.

From this point on, I don't recall the exact order of events, i.e. places I was in my dissociation and their correlation with what was happening in reality. Perhaps the next part was when I was now on a train. It was not a passenger train; it was more like a train where each car had a separate party of stowaways. They were all tweakers who were smoking meth on the train, and I was probably walking through the train car to car trying to score some shards from somebody. I enjoyed this part because there were private, dark places to smoke meth while I was being transported away from my hometown, away from my neighbors and the police. Maybe in reality I was in a police patrol car, and next was being put onto a gurney and into an ambulance.

In my dissociation I experienced driving in my own car through some sort of residential neighborhood, which was mainly wooded and had windy, bumpy streets. It was probably a recollection of some of the drives I took during some of my recent roadtrips through the wooded cliffs and mountains of Northern California. At some point I ended up on railroad tracks, and was stuck or parked right in front of the tracks, and had started dozing off, still aware through my drowsiness that I could be in a dangerous situation. It felt as if my car was shifted into neutral or my parking brake was released and I began slowly rolling forward, over the edge of some kind of dip in the road into the middle of the tracks.

The next feeling I had was very interesting. It felt like a gut feeling, and it happened when the train started heading towards me down the track. The feeling was a realization that I could die in a matter of 5 or 10 seconds unless I tried with all my will to put my car in reverse to get myself off the track. It was a feeling of sudden panic and extreme urgency. It's like I now had this new feeling of what it was like to be seconds away from really dying. In my mind it was like, there was a danger scale, from 0 to 10. As long as I was between 0 and 10, or the "white zone" I was steadily living. But as the train was seconds away from killing me, the scale dipped into the "red zone", i.e. less than zero, down to negative 5 or so. Although during this stage in my life in reality I felt hopeless enough to want to die, during this point in my dissociation I suddenly felt an extreme urge to live and save myself, and so I did. I was able to use all of my mental power to put my car into reverse and back my car off the tracks and get my danger level back into the white zone. I had never before experienced being in the red zone before in my life but being in it told me that in my heart I really wanted to live.

I experienced this red zone feeling at another later point in my dissociation, where it felt like I was in a nearby place to the train tracks, but I was in danger of being shot, probably from some of my other neighbors who hated tweakers and wanted to kill me (I believed due to my paranoia). I felt like I was out of my car, hiding in a trench near the tracks, and when I exposed myself when trying to climb out, I felt a gun being aimed at me and again panicked, feeling like I could die any second to a headshot. Somehow this part of my experience fizzed out. Onto the next totally different part of my dissociated trance-dream.

I was probably in reality in a room in the hospital during this next part of my dissociation. This part felt feverish and bizarre, a bit sickening but pretty cool. I was lying on a table in some kind of surgery room, but there was all kinds of equipment around that made it look like a woodshop, tool shed, or construction factory. It kind of felt like I was lying on a giant anvil and there was a large vertical serated blade, like a saw, positioned at the end of the anvil, either between my legs or at my feet. The room was illuminated by a lime green/chartreuse light and it felt like some sick operation room where abductees would be taken to be tortured, like in the Saw or Hostel movies. However I did not feel horror in this situation; I felt more sedated and serene, despite the harmful looking devices around me. It's a little too hard to describe what else I saw in the room; it was sort of like I saw other patients farther away in the room, lying on wooden tables being operated on in different ways. Some had these kind of cranes hovering over them, others had the tall vertical saws cutting into their bodies, cutting off their appendages or slicing them in half or what not. I imagine I had some kind of large white needle or "icepick" type thing coming right between my eyes, sort of like I was getting a lobotomy you could say. Imagine the song by G.G.F.H. "Dead Men Don't Rape" playing to this scene; it's perfect.

Then after all of this I seemed to be in a similar room nearby, but it didn't have all the saws and "experimental" equipment in it and was more like a regular clinic room with a cushioned table to lie on. I felt a little more uncomfortable at this point, perhaps slightly nauseated, and was trying to move around, reposition myself on my side, but the doctors kept telling me to stay still. I think I was in restraints; both my hands and feet were cuffed to the table and I was in my underwear. The room was still scary looking, colored a sickening green, and everything looked old, grimey and unkempt. Finally I was freed and was sent to the next room in the hospital which was much more comfortable. Onto the next part of the adventure!

This next part I experienced felt like I was in a much nicer part of the hospital, but it started out like I was back in the plastic ball-pit of the blacklight limousine, but this time was sucked right into an upstairs club-room of the hospital, full of people who were dressed in light blue scrubs and were pretending to be nurses, but I knew them all as people I used to hang out with (not particular people, I just had a feeling like they were all just a group of friends hanging out about to organize some kind of hide-and-seek game). Then we all split up (I was not wearing scrubs and was uninformed of the rules of the game because I arrived late to the meeting in the clubroom) and I ran off somewhere and then ended up in bed in a very nice, clean hospital room. I was starting to feel my dissociation becoming more clearly connected with reality. I was hooked up to an IV and tubes were pumping fluids in me for hydration, which is probably what was really happening. I sort of had a sensation of clean water trickling through my body, but the experience was still more than that. Most objects in the room seemed like they were not really made of what they normally would be - their properties were actually a completely synthetic water composition which was materialized by some kind of software design program. Something about them was clear, trickly, and thread-like.

Nurses came in to check in on me from time to time, but after a while I started to get the feeling that none of them were real nurses again and that all of the equipment they were working with were rip-offs and fakes. One male nurse came into my room and stood there looking at his phone, while I took off whatever fake items I was wearing or removed any fake items from somewhere around the room, and the nurse looked at me like he knew I had figured out that this was all a game and that the nurses weren't real and were just pretending to kidnap me (for fun?). But the nurse just looked at his phone, looking like he was just thinking, "eh, whatever...", not caring that I could no longer play my role in their game genuinely under their deceit. It's like some of the items they were using in the room could be deconstructed into nothing by pulling a thread from the felt material they were made of, and they would unravel and disappear like pulling open a single-knotted bow shoelace made of yarn.

In this next bit I felt very physically immaneuverable. It's like, imagine being in an online RPG, like RuneScape for example, where the map is made of square pixels and your character can only occupy one exact square. In this reality, I occupied the invisible cracks in between the squares. I felt like I was walking in between the pieces of the map. I was in a more open room, not an exam room, more like a playroom or waiting room where families wait with their kids. I had my hands and feet stuck to a polygonal face of a geometric structure through a putty-like adhesive. Doctors, nurses, counselors, spectators, whoever... were watching me and trying to direct me as to how and where to walk. I could only maneuver my position to those which normally I'd fathom to be impossible. I was very clumsy and off-balance as I tried to walk on the "round map" around me, but I could only stick myself to the "square spots" where no one else could go or fit into. It's hard to give a better visualisation. Basically, I felt like a sqaure in a room made for circles. But I could stand places where as a circle I could not fit myself. It was like suddenly being able to walk on a different axis or plane of spatial reality, or, say I was living as an mkv file in a digital media player program that only supported mp4 and avi video formats. Somehow the player would still play me, as it had gained a freaky "DXM imported" capacity to support me, though my playback was very weird, awkward, and interesting... Anyway I spent a while glueing/unglueing myself to different impossible areas of the room in this state with the puddy-substance that was on my palms.

Through reading this you might be wondering if some of what I'm describing is actually from an actually unconscious dream I was having during all of this, in the hospital or jail or what not. What gives plause to that would be that I had not slept in 3 days. But I had smoked my last bowl of meth right before taking the 3 bottles of tussin. I don't think I would have actually fallen asleep within 24 hours of smoking that last bowl. It was walking on the line of unconsciousness/sleep, but I think technically I was awake the whole time, just in and out of complete hallucinative submergence.

At this point in the story, I will transition onto my experience in jail, which is where I was transported to right after the hospital. I am going to estimate that I was admitted to the hospital at around 10PM, and was discharged at 1AM. Then I was in jail from 1AM until 5AM when I was released and sent walking home without my car. The end of the hallucination we'll say was around 4AM, because that is when I finally fell asleep in my cell.

So now we're resuming the story at approximately 1:00-2:00AM. The full-on hallucinations were no longer constant but I did fall into them a couple times during the remainder of the night. The in-between periods I experienced were when I was basically aware of being in jail but it was just... dreamy.

The first room I believe I was in seemed like some kind of parking garage where I was handcuffed to a long metal bench, which was basically just as wide as a balancing beam. It was very uncomfortable and I spent some time sliding around and yelling at the guards, but thankfully it wasn't out of rage as it may have been had I been drunk from alcohol; this time it was just out of confusion. I don't think I realized I was in or about to be in jail. I just thought I had been abducted, but felt no sense of fear or impending doom. I felt amidst an adventure still, even if this and later parts were not pleasant. Wherever I went, wherever I was sent... I sort of accepted serenely. I didn't feel a sense of panic or a need to escape.

The rest of the trip kind of felt like a maze. I was going in and out of many different rooms inside what I supposed at this point was jail. You'd think they'd just bring me right to my cell, so maybe some of these rooms I imagined or were part of my intermittent full-on hallucinations. Or maybe they were dreams - part of my intermittent dozing...? I'm not sure.

This part was surely a dream or full-on hallucination because it involves me wandering around and running around by myself, in jail, or "the maze". The maze felt like a big warehouse with many stories and many rooms. I remember being in 2 or 3 different actual cells. From one I imagined escaping, and experienced the maze as a wood-frame skeletal building which was under construction, so everything was just made of wooden sheets, columns and 2x4s, maybe some insulation here and there. I was running around trying to diffuse a bomb. I think I was successful? I don't know. I don't have nearly as much of a vivid recall for these final couple hours. They could possibly have from this point on been actual unconscious-state dreams.
One other interesting part I want to mention occurred around this time - probably a dream as chronologically I am sure this happened mid-jail but it took place outdoors in snowy woods. I came across this one guy who I recognized as a former classmate of mine (though he wasn't - I think his appearance I had borrowed from memories of a former co-worker of mine) who was the same age as me. He was somebody who raised himself to be like an animal, or a wolf. He never spoke a human language though he was completely human and raised by a human family. At some point, during adolescence, probably before 9th grade, he left school supposedly and just became a boy who walked around the woods naked. No one had ever heard him speak and he tried to communicate with animals. It's like he had some kind of psychological disorder where he thought he was a wolf, a dog, or a bear or something. Anyway, I remember seeing him in this dream as I walked through the woods, thinking about how odd he was.

The rest of the dream I experienced "out of jail" I had this feeling in my gut which is very hard for me to describe now. It was kind of anxious and remorseful, but pleasant in the sense that possibly the tussin had been throwing a blanket of serenity over my mind this entire time. I was dancing along some sort of staircase over a still sea of water at one point (hoping to meet my dreamgirl I think, but she didn't show up so I felt some sense of virginal failure), and then was watching half of my car (I guess it had been cut in half?) stopped near the edge of a cliff with a giant shard of glass (about 2-3 times the size of the car) lodged in it (which is maybe what cut it in half?).

The rest of these dreams are too abstract for me to even put together a sentence about, so I'll stop all of that. Just mind you, that there are a handful more of short-story segments of this experience I wish I could add to this submission only if I could more clearly remember and articulate.

Fast forward to approximately 3:30AM. I am now in my last cell in jail, and the tussin has almost completely wore off, and the remaining effects of methamphetamine were now resurfacing, and I was starting to become agitated. I was yelling at the guards and kicking the door because I was now very impatient to get out now that I had full awareness of where I was. The only other delusion I had was that the floor was covered in a thick dried-up pool of turkey grease. There was one of my other neighbors who I imagined was age 16-17 who was staying in a neighboring cell, and for some reason, in the reality I perceived at the time, it was uncommon but still heard of for some teenaged boys to have some kind of hormone produce a bunch of liquid fat that would drain out of their abdomen a couple times a day or so (as if they had udders attached to their sides from which the fat would drain). So much "turkey grease" drained out of this guy that it flooded his entire cell and covered the floor of my cell 3 inches deep or so. So I layed down and fell asleep on a floor of hardened teenage-boy-animal fat, right after I suffered the preceeding half hour or so back in my paranoia, hearing voices down the hall of what I thought was a court hearing involving my downstairs neighbor and his family who were prosecuting me, and my mom and dad who were devastated and were telepathically telling me how I would have to flee the country if I wanted a chance at a free life.

I fell asleep around 4AM, and was woken up by a guard at around 5AM, who was ready to let me go now that I had calmed down, had a bit of sleep and was mostly sober now. Thankfully I had a spare house key in my wallet or I would not have been able to get inside my apartment because my keys had been left in my car. I live very close to the jail so thankfully it was only a 10 minute walk back. I was so happy that my apartment was untouched and had not been burglarized by my neighbor as I had suspected. My car had been impounded and my dad came up to visit me the next day to get it released for me.

Exp Year: 2020	ExpID: 114487
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 27
Published: Sep 15, 2020	Views: 4,824
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Methamphetamine (37), DXM (22), Police / Customs (60), Sleep Deprivation (140) : Combinations (3), Multi-Day Experience (13), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Various (28)