DOSE:

smoked

Cannabis

(plant material)

BODY WEIGHT:

130 lb

Insanity

I don't know what happened to me the other night. I've been smoking pot for about six months now, and nothing like this has ever occurred. I know what being high is like, and this wasn't it.

I was with my sister at her friend's house, there were quite a few people there that I either know vaguely or not at all. A group of about four of us went down to the basement and proceeded to smoke about two bowls.

It started out normal, more or less. The quality of time changed, sound became fuzzier and traveled to me in waves. Sometimes I get very talkative when I'm high, but this time I got quieter. My mind however, started racing. It simply would not shut up. My body started trembling, I couldn't see normally anymore. The lights were pulsing. Nothing made any sense. I finally worked up the effort to ask my sister to take me home.

The drive home was an absolute blur. Somehow I managed to get to my bedroom and find my journal. If anything can capture where my mind went that night, this is it:

'And did I ever mention that I think I've gone totally fucking insane! Totally screwy, completely gone---NUTS. Kabloiee-Kablam-I'm in outer space, entirely out to orbit. I'm so fucked up I don't know where I am or what I'm doing and what life is? Because after all what is life anyway? It's so absurd, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It is totally and completely insane and could never be normal or sane again.

I don't understand what's happening to me. I mean look at this---I can't even write normal---my muscles have gone beserk, my brain can't process anything at all---hold on maybe gaining some amount of...what was I saying? Can't seem to remember, to recall. I want to watch the Princess Bride. I want to watch the Home Shopping Network...get me out of this nightmare!

I don't understand what's going on. I'm paranoid that it might have something to do with the mushrooms I had last week. I don't know, but it was like then everything may have been insane but at least it made sense. Now everything is completely nuts. My neck hurts awfully...I need to communicate my 'feelings' somehow...but nothing makes any fucking sense.

I wish that Emmy were here to talk to---maybe things would make sense then. She could philosophize avec moi or something. Keep me up. High as a fucking kite. How high! That's right---as a fucking kite. I need Stewart here or something to lighten things up. The mood is too heavy---everything is too gone, absolutely nothing makes sense. Look at this, look at me---I'm a fucking lunatic---you could lock me up now---commit me please---I am absolutely that fucking insane.

There's a strobe light flashing in my head. It did not feel safe to drive. That's why my sister drove me home. Oh my GOD---I have never been this fucking HIGH in my whole entire life. Just think---this is a totally cosmic experience. This is just WOW---fucking insane, a totally mind-blowing experience, and I'll look back on it and say---yeah, those were all my fucked up druggie years, I'm so over that now.

I want to watch Anne of Green Gables and eat popcorn. I could so totally do that right now. But what if I want to watch something else? I can't write nearly anywhere as fast as I can think. My mind races far too ahead of me to be writing. It's too slow for capturing my thoughts. And I can't remember how to spell of form letters. Connect letters to words to thoughts. It's too fucking much all at once. Must regain consciousness, working very hard. Oh my god---has anyone ever been this fucking insane before?'

It's only been a few days since then. Life has more or less returned to it's proper state. My thought process is pretty much back to normal. But I don't think it's possible to ever look at the world in the same way again. Whatever it was that happened to me was incredibly intense and I don't believe that the memory of it is going to fade away anytime soon.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11400
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Aug 1, 2019	Views: 718
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