DOSE:	1 mg	insufflated	Pharms - Alprazolam	(powder / crystals)
	1 mg	oral	Pharms - Alprazolam	(pill / tablet)
	more		Pharms - Alprazolam
	shots	oral	Alcohol - Hard
		smoked	Tobacco - Cigarettes

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

To set the scene, at the time of this experience I was 16 years old and new to the drug world. I was a good student most of high school. I went to a catholic high school and was very involved in sports and cheerleading at the time. Apart from drinking a few times, smoking weed, and cough meds a time or two, I was inexperienced.

So one day my friend and I, who we will call M, are riding around town trying to find something to entertain us. At this time I was increasingly curious about drugs. I knew there was a lot I wanted to try, but being a private school kid, not many people I was around shared my interests. I remember basically texting a weed dealer I knew asking what drugs he had and all the sudden we had 6 white bars, which were the only option. I had no idea what Xanax even was. I didn’t even know if it was an upper or downer. I had never taken pills before. Prior to us getting them, another friend, D, who had actually tried them, advised us against taking Xanax. I wish we had listened. This story is a mixture of what I remember and also what was told to me.

After getting the bars, me and M decide to go to the mall. Sitting in the car I snort half a 2mg bar and take the other half. I was 5’9 and roughly 110 pounds. I don’t remember taking any more pills for the rest of the day and night, but I know for a fact that I did from what I’ve been told. We go into the mall and my memory goes hazy rather quickly. I remember we ran into some friends and I remember acting foolish; but it was funny, not a big deal. This is at around noon. I don’t think we stayed at the mall long and soon Molly drove us over to our friend D's house. I remember being pretty fucked up and everyone paying close attention to me. This was not a normal occurrence in our friend group so I remember it being like a whole thing.

I remember being at D's and she made me a banana and peanut butter wrap. Next memory I have is at my house. I don’t know why we went to my dad's house, considering this is not some place I would usually go after taking drugs. But at the time I felt zero fear and was not aware of my mental state. I know at some point during this time I took more, but I’m not sure how much. My next memory is falling down my staircase and my chin hitting every step. I had a pretty nasty bruise and carpet burn the next day. I have no idea what we did for the rest of the day. My friends said they had to chase me around like a child to keep me from acting a fool in front of my sister.

My next memory is going to a party on a classmates wharf, but I have no recollection of ever getting out of the car, but maybe I did. This is where things get regretful. I remember being in the car, taking shots from a bottle of vodka. I remember my friends little brother being in my parked car with me (1 year younger), which is random more than anything else, and engaging in sexual contact with him. I also have no idea why we were in my car or how we got to the party or where the rest of my friends were. This was my first time going down on someone and it was really just a weird experience and not something I would have normally done for a variety of reasons. Especially, not with this dude.

Next memory I have, I’m driving my car very recklessly with M in the passenger seat. For some reason I’m extremely angry. She’s screaming and telling me to turn around and bring her back. I think it was this point where I started burning myself with cigarettes (no recollection). I don’t even smoke cigarettes. But apparently I am repeatedly lighting them and putting them out on my arm. M is obviously freaking out. She said I brought her back to the lake by the party so her dad could pick her up on a boat.

I have a vague memory of driving alone down a main street alone recklessly and smoking cigarettes. At this point in time my parents were fairly strict. For some reason I decide to go to my dad's house. I don’t remember getting there but I was told I was pretty disruptive. I have a vague memory of my dad yelling in my face and him walking me over to a mirror and telling me to look at myself. I remember thinking I looked like an absolute psycho. I was dressed really strangely. I was in my school uniform shirt even though it was a weekend, which is weirder than it sounds, especially for a party. And my hair was so crazy and my eyes looked wild and I had a huge scrape on my chin from falling down the stairs that I couldn’t explain at the time. I also had serious burns all over my arm from putting out 6 cigarettes.

Next thing I know I wake up at my mom's house in my mom's bed. Still in my damn school uniform shirt, with my left arm hurting. So confused. I hadn’t slept in my mom's bed with my mom since I was a little kid. But apparently that night I crawled in after sneaking out of my dad's house. I still have scars on my left arm from where I burned the shit out of myself for no apparent reason.

Exp Year: 2011	ExpID: 113821
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 16
Published: Jan 2, 2024	Views: 17
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