DOSE:

75 mg

IM

Ketamine

BODY WEIGHT:

110 lb

At a psychedelic retreat, 75 mg IM ketamine, 1.5 mg/kg. We were all laying down on our mats with our sitters beside us, S came around and did the injections. I got my eyeshade on and lay back, felt it coming on a little, then whoosh - I don't know if there was a windy noise or just in my head.

The tumbling, turning, kaleidoscope effect came on and I was pushed along into a place of distortion and loss of ego. There was memory of ketamine from prior experiences, it's like THIS, and things continued turning and pouring and weaving and I seemed to get smaller and there was a loss of connection to what had come before. Weaving, pouring, turning and the fabric or sand-like nature of the experience expanded and I really couldn't hear any music, and I couldn't remember why all this was happening or who I was but it was more and more obvious, inexorable, the realization that this is how it is. This weaving of the world, the weaving that is the world - not that I could remember any other world. It was this dawning realization that this is all that is real and OF COURSE it is, you knew that. You knew any other reality was just a game you were playing. Like waking up from a dream, trying to hold on to it, disoriented, then suddenly realizing you're just here in your bed, the dream isn't real. There was a sense of being caught, of being a kid up too late or having broken some rule, and now you've done it. A sense of finality. It wasn't bad, there wasn't really anxiety, more resignation and familiarity that of course you knew this is how it would end up. There wasn't much objective content to it so much as a feeling of oh, fuck, of course. It might have been otherwise but it's not, it's like THIS. And this vague sense of having been naughty somehow.

It was like "you asked to pull back the veil, well here it is. You knew it was like this. This is how we do it, this is what we do, just this weaving, whatever else did you expect? And now you are here, where you started, and there's nothing else." The finality of it, the plain obviousness that this is what is real and any hope or memory of something else is just a childish fantasy. It was a lot like Salvia space in some ways, with movement and amnesia and a feeling of transgression somehow, but not as ominous and threatening as Salvia.

After some period there was a feeling, teeth, in a mouth, hands, like claws touching each other, lots of tapestry and swirling and still not knowing where I was but the flicker of remembering there was some context that had been lost. I was at the bottom of a well or an ocean or in some kind of underground space, kind of jeweled and then things were moving again and started to lighten, I still wasn't sure what the meaning was of this body that seemed to be there but could sense there was a memory of some similar experience. There were human figures like statues and some kind of Indian music that I finally could notice and I called out the name of my beautiful friend B.

Floating through underground caverns, water swirling and dripping everywhere, ethereal colors, shapes, softness welcoming the sense of self back in to watch the show. The visuals crystallize into clear focus just with the intention to look deeply. There are visions a foot in front of my eyes and it goes on forever. I put a hand out to try to touch. Everything is magic and I can direct the flow, my attention, the shapes and colors, and already it is receding.

Things lightened up more and I was watching everything, it was so beautiful and so different from other psychedelic visuals. There was a lot of time I was under the water looking up to rain drops making puddles and ripples on the top of the water. Blues, greens, reds, shifting sand and blowing winds and feathery textures. Cool visuals right in front of my face. My sitter Z leaned down next to me and I felt it important to describe things to him though I could barely talk. I looked for D, my dear departed friend, when I realized my time was growing short. I could feel he was OK, but he wasn't right there.

Ketamine obliterates consensus reality and ushers one into a more real space which seems to have always been there. Getting bearings in such a space seems to be the challenge. The anesthetic effect erases any anxiety, and also makes movement impossible, in the K-hole anyhow. Not sure how or why anyone would use this at a party or a club. Very inner and personal. Sitter highly recommended for safety with IM or high doses.

Exp Year: 2019	ExpID: 113314
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 49
Published: Jun 24, 2019	Views: 3,817
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Ketamine (31) : Large Group (10+) (19), General (1)