DOSE:	5-6 mg	oral	Pharms - Alprazolam	(daily)
	16 mg		Pharms - Buprenorphine	(daily)
	4 mg		Naloxone	(daily)

BODY WEIGHT:

200 lb

I wanted to add this report because there is not much info about Long-Term benzo use. At this point I will never probably never be able to stop taking this drug. I’m 37 and I started at 19. This isn’t a scary or bad tale it’s just my reality. I don’t abuse the drug and find it funny that this boring ass drug is considered cool and fun. I have had a history of opioid dependence and am on 16 mg of Suboxone a day. I’ve been free from addiction for 6 years.

I can’t imagine life without Xanax. It’s not that I like it. I don’t dislike it either. It’s like water. I don’t notice I need it until I’m thirsty. I don’t notice I need Xanax unless I forget to take it and am abruptly sent into a state of fear and literal shaking. That sounds scary. It is, but Xanax has ALSO allowed me to live free from debilitating panic attacks that would have resulted in suicide.

At age 7 I asked my parents for help b/c I thought I was going to die. I didn’t know how to vocalize or explain the feelings of fear I would get. I still really don’t. There is no reason for my anxiety. The minute I wake up I feel scared. It’s not depression. It’s fear. Maybe it’s my PTSD. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of. It’s just this FEELING OF EXTREME VULNERABILITY.

Nothing I have tried (Paxil, therapy, other classes of drugs) has helped. Nor, do any of the other benzodiazepines I have been encouraged to switch too. My family doc is fine with my long-term Xanax use as she has seen me progress on it. My suboxone doctor however, loathes it and wants me to switch to Valium or Clonazepam.

I understand this logically, but I swear to god none of the other benzodiazepines work the same on me. Clonazepam takes too long to kick in and it also sucks the life out of me. I feel groggy and grey. Valium just sleepy. On Xanax I feel none of those things.

Every morning I take 1 mg of generic alprazolam. I then take another around 1-2 pm. Any longer and I’ll go into withdrawal. So I always I need to carry it with me. But that’s OK if I had an allergy I'd always have an EpiPen?

My next 1 mg dose around 7 or 8. I don’t take any more until bed. Then at bedtime I take at minimum 2mg but sometimes up to 3mg.

I’ve been on the same dose since the summer of 2012 and I have never had any interactions with it. It simply allows me to live. I am not addicted to Xanax. I am chemically dependent on it. Just like a diabetic needs help regulating their blood sugar, I need help to regulate the levels of my gaba a receptor.

I just enrolled in University and am getting an average of 86.3%.

However, I must admit it’s a sacrifice. I can never go out w/o my pulls. I tremble and shake every 6 hours and I will be on this forever.

BUT the alternative is death. I sincerely mean that. I know for a fact I would have committed suicide. No human should have to live w/ the level of anxiety I had.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 112620
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 37
Published: Nov 29, 2018	Views: 4,005
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Pharms - Alprazolam (98) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Addiction & Habituation (10), Therapeutic Intent or Outcome (49), Medical Use (47), Not Applicable (38)