DOSE:

vaporized

DMT

BODY WEIGHT:

71 kg

I had been smoking DMT for a few years without any insightful experiences. I mostly just got the usual patterns, colors, etc. On a few occasions I had mind-bending experiences, which I didn't particularly enjoy. However, I was looking for something specific: understanding the nature of reality. Unfortunately what I was looking for remained elusive. Until recently.

After a quiet decade or so, my spiritual interest resurfaced. I started meditating again, reading spiritual texts, and getting especially interested in Enlightenment. Even though I wasn't sure if I could ever reach Enlightenment, I sure tried. And tried. But I didn't get anywhere until that day.

Set and setting:
One day I decided to try something new. I went to my favorite place, alone in the jungle, with my new toy: an electronic vaporizer designed for hash oil. I had tried it before with DMT (amber oil variant) and it worked wonders. The taste was so much better, not so harsh, and the experience was extremely strong.

Intention:
I sat down (checking for ants and snakes) and cleared my mind. I set the intention to be conscious, nothing more.

Dosage:
I was sober and didn't take any other substance or medication. I emptied my lungs of air and took a long slow zip from the electronic vape pen. I held my breath for a while, exhaled and took another lung full. It was a pretty large dose, about 40 mg.

Effect:
I immediately could feel everything buzzing and for a moment I thought I had taken a bit too much. But I didn't lose my mind (as sometimes happens when I take too much) and instead, I suddenly felt very aware. It was pretty intense though. I kept my eyes open the whole time. To my surprise the visual effects were quite mild. I could see the trees waving in a funny way and 'talking to me', but other than that, everything looked pretty normal.

Then suddenly it happened. Now, what I am going to describe is hard to convey. Some things just cannot be described, but I will try.

I suddenly 'awoke', like becoming lucid in a dream. I have had lucid dreams before and sometimes wondered what it would be like if I would be lucid in this waking reality, and here it was. It was absolutely indescribable. It was The Most Awesome Thing Ever. I think you are a conscious being, but you are asleep. You just don't know this until you awaken. I awoke and I knew where I came from, who I really am, and what I am doing on this planet. I didn't know this intellectually, but I knew it as a 'knowing'. Just like I know my name, there is no need to prove it to anyone, or say it out loud to myself. I just know I know. It was like this. I just knew.

This was the essence of the experience: the waking up and the knowing. I knew this was Enlightenment. There was no question about it. Enlightenment is just being awake, lucid. I sat there for about 10 minutes with my hand covering my mouth and almost tears in my eyes, being in total awe. I could not believe that the spiritual theory I knew was actually true. We are fulfilling a role here on earth, just like one is in a role in a dream. But just like in a dream, one can wake up inside the dream.

Another way to explain how I felt is like this: how would you feel if you suddenly realized that this waking reality is actually a dream? I mean, for real. Look around you. Just imagine. Then ask yourself, who is the dreamer? You are so much more than you think you are.

This was a life-changing experience. I have since had multiple of these experiences, although not as profound. Now, I am just aware. It is a bit like when I first become lucid in a dream, that is the most profound experience. All other awakenings are still cool but not new anymore.

I am not exactly sure why I now regularly have these awakenings when smoking DMT, yet years ago I didn't experience anything even remotely connected to this. But I am pretty sure it has everything to do with truly wanting to wake up in waking life and my spiritual practice surrounding that.

Lasting effects:
Some months later, I had some awakenings without any substance, just by realizing. The long lasting effect of true awakening for me, is that the struggles of life have almost disappeared. They are still there but I don't suffer them anymore. Awakening is not about not suffering anymore. It is about transcending suffering, suffering when I don't mind. The acceptance of what is.

Exp Year: 2018	ExpID: 111980
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 36
Published: Jun 10, 2018	Views: 2,544
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DMT (18) : Retrospective / Summary (11), Personal Preparation (45), Mystical Experiences (9), Alone (16)