DOSE:	repeated	insufflated	Heroin	(powder / crystals)
		oral	Alcohol - Beer/Wine	(liquid)

BODY WEIGHT:

60 kg

I have been snorting heroin occasionally for about 6 months now and at this stage you could say I am still using it recreationally. It still doesn't fuck up my life despite my difficult situation right now having graduated from university and looking for work at a time everybody else loses their job. But I am not an addictive personality. I enjoy drugs I guess I have done every single drug there is and I have never become addicted. Heroin I now realise is different and even I need quite a bit of willpower to keep it from taking up more and more room in my life. Strangely enough, I am not willing to give it up even though it's power makes me nervous. Heroin is unlike any other drug. I have a very tight circle of good friends who are quite open towards drugs and we often took drugs together but me and my boyfriend keep our little 'dirty' passion for heroin a very private secret even with them, because we don't want to upset or worry them. We just tell them we go out in South London lately because Noth London has become boring and pretentious and not because we are going there to get some Heroin.

I mean we are 25 now and regarded our drugtaking years as almost over, we were quite bored by everything else anyway but then Heroin came along. The first time I took it I was actually rather dissappointed having heard all this 'much better than sex' crap. It is not. Heroin has this strange quality of sneaking into my life like someone you meet who isn't your type at all and who you think you'd never fancy at all but then you find them hard to forget and catch yourself thinking about them all the time and before you know you are madly in love and married to them. Heroin has something very tender and gentle to it that needs a little experience to appreciate it fully.

In the beginning I felt just a strange numbness.The trap about Heroin is that I completely overestimated it before I took it, when I take it I lose my caution, drop my guard and underestimate it because 'it isn't that good anyway'. I take it some more and suddenly find that there really is a very powerful undercurrent pulling me toward it. Other drugs make me want them in a very straightforward sexual sense, I have something like a crush on them, Heroin makes me fall in love with it and that makes it so difficult to control.

I love these nights every couple of weeks when I and my boyfriend light the candles have a good glass of red wine and a couple of lines of Heroin and sit there until 4 in the morning talking, getting splendidly high and then cuddle up in bed together, going from sleep into pure bliss and back. I find that (after a couple of these nights when the bag of Heroin is finally empty and we promised ourselves to wait at least a fortnight until we go and get some again) I really crave it and it takes quite some willpower to go on with my life and get things done again. It is quite easy to say well, what the fuck I just don't give a shit the whole world makes me sick I want it here and I want it now. A couple of days ago my boyfriend said, I really don't understand how I could ever want any other drug but Heroin. And that is true I am completely cured I don't want anything else. No Coke no e's no LSD, all crap I've met someone who's different now. Heroin demands my undivided attention, it demands absolute devotion and I have to be really careful because it is powerful and it is very hard just to play with it occasionally.

I hope I can keep it the way it is and enjoy it as an occasional indulgence but it does take me some willpower and control and nothing else ever demanded that much self control of me.

Exp Year: 2001	ExpID: 11117
Gender: Not Specified
Age at time of experience: Not Given
Published: Nov 30, 2004	Views: 37,409
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Heroin (27), Alcohol - Beer/Wine (199) : Addiction & Habituation (10), Retrospective / Summary (11), Small Group (2-9) (17)