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Unable to Understand What's Real
Diphenhydramine
Citation:   Martin. "Unable to Understand What's Real: An Experience with Diphenhydramine (exp109090)". Erowid.org. Dec 17, 2021. erowid.org/exp/109090

 
DOSE:
750 mg oral Diphenhydramine (pill / tablet)
BODY WEIGHT: 230 lb
Reality on Diphenhydramine hcl

This is one of my most odd experiences with Diphenhydramine HCL. It had been some time since I had taken a heavy dose of it. To summarize my previous experiences with Diphenhydramine HCL, at medium to heavy doses it produces a sort of severe audio and visual Pareidolia. Pareidolia is basically seeing patterns where none exist, like seeing the Virgin Mary on a piece of toast, or perceiving the shape of a cloud to look like a unicorn.

With audio, Pareidolia becomes extremely disturbing. Once Diphenhydramine HCL kicks in, I can be sitting on the couch and hear someone walking down the steps and clearly hear them say my name. In the past, as my dosages increase (and I do build up a tolerance if I do it regularly) things get really strange. The sound of an oscillating fan suddenly becomes a door opening and several people walking into my room. At these higher doses, the hallucinations get stranger and stranger...as well as not good for my personal life. Like, going to bed with my wife hoping I'll go to sleep immediately, but be absolutely sure she's talking to me, so I keep responding to her, only to find out that she's completely asleep. Very embarrassing when I wake her up half a dozen times with that kind of stuff. With heavier doses, the hallucinations become more complex.

My most recent experience, and perhaps the most upsetting, happened a few nights ago. I had taken about 30 tablets, I could feel it starting to kick in and I started getting really cold. My wife was asleep in the bedroom, so I got up and tried to quietly get a sweatshirt from my closet. The drugs were making it hard for me to function, so I was wobbly and clumsy. I'm going through the closet, looking as quickly as I could, and the light comes on and my wife says 'What's going on? Why are you stumbling around like a drunk?' Oh, fuck. To put some background on this, I have had some troubles with Alcohol in the past, but had been dry for a while. I hadn't been drinking, but there's no way I could tell my wife I had been dosing on Benedryl. I tried to open my mouth to tell her I was just looking for a sweatshirt in the dark, but I couldn't speak, serious cotton mouth (another massive side effect of Diphenhydramine HCL). I grabbed the sweatshirt, left the bedroom quickly and headed back to go downstairs. Again, stairs and Diphenhydramine HCL are a BAD combination.

Before I got to the top of the stairs, my had wife followed me out of the bedroom and kept hounding me, asking me if I was drinking. I couldn't respond, so I slowly walked down the stairs and she followed me. I tried my best to get to the downstairs sofa. I sat down, and she came and sat next to me. She started telling me she'd had enough, and that I was either going to check into a rehab or something else had to give. I tried and tried to respond, but the cottonmouth was so bad I couldn't even open my mouth. My defensive mechanism at that point was to just start crying. So I sat crying for a few minutes and she finally just told me we'd talk about it the next day. Oh shit. I wasn't looking forward to that. I eventually dozed off on the couch and woke up there the next morning, dreading what was going to happen when my wife woke up and came downstairs.

When she eventually did, she came downstairs and sat next to me and said nothing. She didn't speak, didn't make eye contact, nothing. After about 15 minutes, she stood up and told me she was going out. I was afraid to ask where. Half an hour later, she comes back home and says 'I got donuts, I want one?' I turned to look at her and she says 'By the way, why did you come to bed last night, lay down and get back up to go downstairs?' Wasn't sure what to say, so I said 'I don't remember that.' She responded, 'Ya, I did, you even got under the covers, then got right back up.'

Huh? I looked down, I was definitely wearing the sweatshirt I had gotten the evening before, but the entire experience the previous night was a complete and utter hallucination.

That being said, this is the sort of thing that happens when I take heavy doses of Diphenhydramine HCL. This drug is nothing to be trifled with. I used to dose on LSD heavily for many years through college. Unlike with LSD, though, these hallucinations are as real as the nose on my face. At least when dosing LSD, mostly I know my hallucinations are fake. They may still scare me, but I normally can at least tell myself they arent real. Heavy doses of this stuff makes me completely unable to understand what's real. Hallicinations are fun...except when I don't realize I'm having them.

Exp Year: 2016ExpID: 109090
Gender: Male 
Age at time of experience: 44
Published: Dec 17, 2021Views: 885
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Diphenhydramine (109) : Relationships (44), General (1), Alone (16)

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