DOSE:

insufflated

Cocaine

(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

148 lb

Backstory: I was feeling very depressed over business difficulties and the broader structure of society and the economy. I have struggled with depression for most of my life since late childhood, and had ultimately decided that I wanted to try various substances to at least expand my realm of experiences from the grinding course of academic and professional advancement that I had been on for so long.

So I ordered, among other things, some cocaine from certain modern sources.

I have ADD, so I have a long personal history with dextroamphetamine and various time-release variants thereof (e.g. Vyvanse). I thought it would be interesting to compare the two. I had stopped taking my ADD medication for almost a week since I didn't have much work to do, which in my experience is long enough to flush out the aftereffects, so this should be a fairly clean starting point.

I had 500mg of a 60% cocaine 40% benzocaine blend. The powder smelled a bit like dust from wafer cookies or something; not unpleasant.

At time t=-30sec I tried sampling some of the cocaine blend on my lips and gums. I got a strong, cold numbing sensation, similar to the feeling I get in the back of my throat when my amphetamine-based medications kick in. I knew it was a benzocaine blend, but anyway so far so good.

At time t=0sec I began snorting lines of coke through a yen bill from a recent trip to Japan. At first I had trouble keeping it in. I kept blowing bits of coke out when I exhaled. I tried again more deeply and it mostly stayed. I made sure to snort the bits that had been blown back out onto my desk as well. I did about 300mg of the 60/40 blend, so I will guess it was about 180mg before any additional adulteration, probably more like 150mg after.

At time t=1min nothing had happened yet. I listened to some music.

At time t=3min I began feeling similar to when dextroamphetamine kicks in. I could focus decently (I have ADD), things seemed a bit sharper, life seemed enjoyable.

At time t=5min I was definitely feeling it. It felt very similar to dextroamphetamine, but I was definitely feeling more sociable (dexedrine can make me feel more withdrawn and almost 'robotic'/'autistic' at higher doses). I took the opportunity to send some email replies to friends I had put off responding to out of anxiety/depression. I listened to some music from the Matrix. Felt great.

At time t=15min I looked up at the skyscrapers around me and felt this sort of 'Ayn Rand' like admiration for human accomplishment and a desire to continue to build for its own sake. This was a nice feeling, to me. I can see why this drug was so popular in the 1980s in the U.S. Everything felt smooth and natural. I felt very extroverted but not in a pushy way. I was content to listen or talk as needed. Everything seemed a bit enchanted.

At time t=25min I was starting to feel it fade. Like the support underneath me gradually slipping away. This was a familiar feeling from my experiences with amphetamines, but this was a disappointingly short duration. Amphetamines for me last 3-6 hours. I was still in a good mood though.

At time t=35min it had definitely mostly faded but I was still in a good mood. I had a drink to try to ease whatever rebound might be incoming.

At time t=45min I was feeling surprisingly anxious and uncoordinated. The thing that concerned me, though, was this fairly strong impulse to do another line. I never get that with amphetamines-- with those I just feel a bit depressed and want to take a nap. I had another drink and tried to sleep.

At time t=50min I still wanted to do another line, but I told myself that this decision would be made once and for all and I didn't want to get addicted to the stuff. I was still trying to sleep instead.

At time t=60min the impulse had faded but I still felt a bit uncoordinated.

At time t=70min I was back to baseline.

I can see how people get addicted to this stuff. I'm sticking with amphetamines personally. Much cheaper, last a lot longer, and I've quit for extended periods in the past with minimal ill effects. But to each their own I guess. Anyway, another item off my bucket list.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108838
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 25
Published: Dec 25, 2021	Views: 4,076
[ View PDF (to print) ] [ View LaTeX (for geeks) ] [ Swap Dark/Light ]
Cocaine (13) : Depression (15), General (1), Alone (16)