DOSE:	10 mg	oral	Pharms - Aripiprazole	(daily)
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

83 kg

[Follow-up: 3 Years Later, "Oculogyric Crisis"]

I have had psychosis for over three years now. In hindsight a few symptoms manifested themselves after smoking a spliff before I properly succumbed to it, but it first started after staying awake for two days in a row doing a gram of MDMA and a fair amount of weed and speed. This was two months after I first tried MDMA and I had been doing it too much – pretty much every week, always with high doses. Anyway, I started hearing voices – in my head, all around me, everywhere. The auditory hallucinations were so incredibly vivid and life-like to the extent that I'm still not sure whether or how much of it has been hallucinations. This coupled with countless uncanny coincidences and life became like some bizarre magical surreal symbolist cartoon theatre cross between Kafka and Orwell.

An illustration of this: When school broke up – three years ago, a few months after I became psychotic, there were drunken get-togethers on two corners adjacent to where I live, each of which seemed to take great delight in taking the piss out of me. I glared down over into the garden of the one place and one guy shouted back at me 'oh it's just because you're a radiohead'. But they didn't stop. So I put on A Love Supreme (live version from Antibes) by John Coltrane very loudly. When it had finished, I heard someone shout out 'Walter, that's not jazz, that's acid!' Ok. So then I went down stairs to the garden to smoke a cigarette. I thought I had made the neighbourhood back down a little. I was sitting outside and the people on the corner started playing, practically the instant I got outside, 'Guilty Conscience' by Eminem, a song that makes reference to hearing voices, then they played 'F.E.A.R' by Ian Brown.

Anyway, this culminated in mad things like taking a Dictaphone into the library to try and record the voices. In hindsight, I had visual hallucinations too (and still do, occasionally) of people’s mouths moving at the same time as hallucinating hearing them saying something. Anyway, eventually I was prescribed aripiprazole and this made it all stop, almost. Since then I have done even more MDMA at even more preposterous doses and a whole load of psychedelics too. Maybe that but more likely being burgled and having lost my beloved CD collection (I am a musician and music-lover) put hideous and nightmarish vibes into my life. Not long after being burgled, I went to a rave with a friend, where I took MDMA and cannabis. Towards the end I heard, as if for real, the words “Life’s pretty convenient if you have mental health issues” repeated over and over and over, in one tune. But I continued to enjoy cannabis and MDMA otherwise (I dislike raves now).

At some point, I began to lose my appetite for weed. I think it might be connected to doing quite a lot of powerful psychedelics. Me and a friend hooked up with someone selling DOC. The first time was amazing. I love tripping and listening to Coltrane or Miles Davis. But when I would smoke a spliff by myself at home at night, the experience started to be horrible, similar to when I smoked a spliff before I started taking aripiprazole (although I was still taking it). Sometimes I think it might be serotonin depletion from having abused MDMA, because smoking it after having taken MDMA, in company of friends, it was still very nice. But by myself at home, not on MDMA, I get subject to a whole load of horrible remorse, hideous and spectacular auditory hallucinations, delusions, retrospective delusions, extreme feelings of violation, even the feeling of an autonomous entity flying above me. It’s strange: personally, I find the effects of good, potent weed more extreme maybe than a bad trip on a proper psychedelic like DOC or 2C-E.

Anyway, I have quit taking cannabis now, at least taking it by myself.

ADDENDUM: 3 YEARS LATER...

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 108527
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 28
Published: May 20, 2016	Views: 4,474
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Cannabis (1), Pharms - Aripiprazole (422) : Various (28), Post Trip Problems (8), Entities / Beings (37), Music Discussion (22), Medical Use (47), Health Problems (27)