DOSE: T+ 0:00	2.5 g	oral	Mushrooms	(dried)
T+ 0:50	0.3 g	vaporized	Cannabis
T+ 1:50	1 tablet	oral	MDMA
T+ 17:00		oral	Vitamins / Supplements
T+ 17:00		oral	Tryptophan - 5-HTP

BODY WEIGHT:

50 kg

First Hippie Flip - A Bad Trip

I'm rather new to the world of psychedelics, or drugs altogether. Before this experience I had tripped three times during the past year. All of my trips before had been mostly only positive and had left a lasting inner peace and love towards the universe for me. I didn't really even believe in bad trips. I have thought about taking high doses of psychedelics to really open my mind and induce thought, as it hadn't really happened on my past trips. Mostly I just had had a fun time with my friends, not really thinking much about anything.
This time I did it alone and the results were most unexpected.

T=7 pm - I am feeling calm after a pretty relaxing day. I've wanted to trip on mushrooms again for a while since I really liked it the last time, and now it seemed like a great time, since I had nothing to do and my mind was pretty clear. I prepared my home for the trip, lighting candles and dimming the lights. I ate the mushrooms at about 7 pm and went on to take a shower, I wanted to know how it would feel like when the shrooms start to take effect. However they didn't for a while and I got bored so I got out of the shower and just lay on my bed listening to music.

T+0:50 - The shrooms are in effect now, no visuals really but a nice feeling of connectedness and creativity. Everything feels warm and soft, however it's not as intense as I hoped for so I decided to vape about 0,3 of weed since I found that shrooms and weed mix well during the last time. It gave me more visuals and a stronger feeling of inner calmness and creativity, just as I hoped. I thought about going for a walk but ended up just listening to nice music and drawing something instead. The world felt really open, I thought about all the paths in life you can go and drew everything that came into my mind. I also wrote some of my thoughts down.

T+1:30 - I was peaking at this time and felt quite philosophical and not that happy anymore. I thought about taking more shrooms to intensify the experience, but I decided to not since redosing would probably not work anymore. Suddenly I remembered I had two pills of Ecstasy, which we were supposed to take with my friend but ended up not doing it so I still just had them lying around. Hippie flipping and candy flipping (combining shrooms/LSD with MDMA) had always interested me, even though I had never taken MDMA before. I believed it would make me more euphoric and open my mind up more.

T+1:50 - Right after having ingested one pill (I thought half wouldn't be enough), I went out for a short walk. Still no visuals really and it was terribly cold and boring outside this time, so I turned back quickly. A weird kind of fear started creeping up on me and I felt a bit uncomfortable. When I was going in to my stairway, a group of young guys going out for a smoke opened the door for me and I noticed how they stared at my hugely dilated pupils. It made me chuckle a bit, I wonder if they realized I was tripping.

T+2:10 - I lay on my bed just swaying around and listening to music. Suddenly I start to feel very anxious. I can't make sense of what exactly is making me anxious. I try to think about it and the anxiety just intensifies. Most of the music on my playlist sounds bad and I am starting to feel a bit dizzy, too. I was eagerly waiting for the MDMA to properly kick in, hoping it would make me euphoric again.

T+2:30 - I am now extremely anxious. I also start to feel truly scared. I realize that life scares me and I really can't bring myself out like I'd want to and nothing quite goes right in my life. I've been through some hardships and phases of depression lately, but this day I felt pretty okay, so it was confusing to suddenly feel that way. I thought about how fearful and embarrassing I truly am. About how bad decisions I make all the time. About why I even use drugs. About death and how I don't want to die even though living is tiring. My short-term memory stopped working almost completely at this point so I'm not exactly sure in which order everything happened. But around this time I also realize I really need to pee and I walk to the bathroom and when I get there I'm so dizzy that I just collapse on the toilet seat. I feel a bit like I'd be drunk to almost to the point of passing out. Luckily I didn't feel any nausea, though.

T+2:50 - I lay on my bed again and start crying uncontrollably since I am feeling so scared and anxious. I didn't think it was because of the drug cocktail I had taken at first, I really thought that it was just myself and my life that was making me feel so awful. I felt like I had cried for more than a hour, really I think it was more like 30 minutes. I was extremely scared of losing control since I had never felt that anxious nor dizzy. I thought it would never go away anymore and I'd be schizophrenic for the rest of my life. I thought I had went into full blown psychosis. It was just pure terror. I realized that it actually is the drugs and I was scared that the ecstasy pill was going to ultimately kill me now. While crying my eyes out I look up bad trip guides or online tripsitters on the internet from my mobile. I can't find anything very useful since I'm so panicky. A couple of times I read something that was extremely funny to me at that time and I had moments of uncontrollable laughter while also still crying.

T+3:00 - I send a message to my best friend since I had no idea what else I could do anymore. She has never yet even tried psychedelics, however knows stuff about them and has also had a really bad anxiety attack, almost like a bad trip from cannabis edibles. I was begging for her to help me and told her everything that had happened but forbidded her of calling an ambulance. She tried to calm me down, telling me I'm not going crazy and everything is going to be okay. I wrote a reminder on my hand: 'Everything is all right. Don't be scared'. I just didn't understand why I had such an adverse reaction from MDMA, but I realized that my serotonin had probably almost ran out already by the time I took the pill and the MDMA had no serotonin to use anymore, just causing me to feel really bad.

T+3:30 - I finally stopped crying and started to feel a calm sense of euphoria. I was still extremely dizzy though and I was sure I was going to faint very soon. The shrooms and MDMA were both starting to wear off a bit and my friend succeeded in calming me down. At times I also felt very empty and even a bit sad again, but mostly my anxiety was gone. I tried to think about what had just happened, but I was too tired and dizzy to do it. For a while I just sat in front of the mirror looking at my dilated pupils and puffy eyes from crying so much. It also in a way calmed me down.

T+4:40 - The effects of both substances were finally truly wearing off. I still talked to my friend for several hours about the experience and our lives and feelings. In a way I felt cleansed and purified, having let everything out and having realized that everything wasn't all right in my head after all. Even if MDMA made me feel so terrible, I did get into the roots of my anxiety. Mostly I realized that it was some people in my life and the pressure I have received from them and the society. The dizziness wasn't that bad anymore, I just felt rather tired and sleepy and got a bit of a headache.

T+7:00 - Around this time I finally dozed off after having ended the conversation with my friend. I woke up about 10 hours later feeling rather empty and having a terrible headache, but to my surprise not that depressed. Everything felt rather surreal and tiring still. I took some 5-HTP and other supplements to help prevent after effects.

Conclusion: This trip was truly the 'bad trip' that I believed I could never experience. The set and setting were okay, or so I thought at least. But the MDMA, especially since it was my first time with it, was just way too much to handle for me on top of the shrooms and if I'm ever gonna hippie/candy flip again, I will do it more carefully and with lower doses.

I still don't regret this one bit though, even if the experience was very intense and scary at times I learned much about myself and my concealed feelings.

Exp Year: 2016	ExpID: 107665
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 18
Published: Nov 12, 2018	Views: 2,721
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MDMA (3), Mushrooms (39) : Combinations (3), Bad Trips (6), Alone (16)