DOSE: T+ 0:00	30 mg	oral	Amphetamines
T+ 6:00	2 hits	vaporized	DMT	(powder / crystals)

BODY WEIGHT:

170 lb

I have had a small amount of DMT that I have kept around for quite a while now, probably a year now, which I got from a very reliable friend who managed to procure it online. I have been interested in having this experience for a long time, and I felt like I had done enough personal research to know, at least somewhat, what I could expect. I have been a long time fan and listener of the Joe Rogan Experience Podcast, and have heard Joe as well as multiple guests talk about their positive, mind-altering, perspective- shifting experiences with this obscure, mystical and intriguing drug. I had also seen the Rick Strassman documentary 'The Spirit Molecule' several times in recent years, and had been interested in having a visionary experience of my own. I wanted my first experience to be with Ayuhuasca, perhaps in the native setting in the amazon, with a shaman...but I grew impatient and decided it was time to just take the plunge and try smoking the DMT I already had sitting in my medicine cabinet for so long.

I would say that I have had enough psychedelic experiences in my life (both positive and negative) with many different substances including multiple trips using Psilocybin and LSD that I can say I'm an experienced psychonaut. However, nothing I've ever felt could have prepared me for this. Because of the implications, and stories I had heard, as well as my last experience with LSD, I was afraid of it for a long time. Hence why I had it sitting around for so long. Probably spurred by my most recent LSD trip, which to say the least was not a positive experience, but that's for a whole other story. The important thing is, during that ill-fated trip I went to a place where I never, ever wanted to go again.

My friend had told me I needed to vaporize it with a torch and an oil pipe way back when I first got it from him, and being that I have never used meth or smoked crack, I had to go out and get one. So on a Tuesday evening after a long day at work, I went to a local gas station where I knew they would sell oil pipes, and got myself the pipe and a small disposable torch lighter (which was embarrassing to say the least, haha) and then went home to prepare.

At this point I should mention that I have a prescription for Adderall which I take intermittently for work, and had taken 30mg earlier that day, probably about 6 hours before the experience. This may have had an effect on the experience but I can't be sure. Suffice to say I did not think about it being an issue. I had heard many stories and almost all of the good ones were people who said that they had a good friend, or friends around to help them through the experience. I wish so badly in retrospect that I had heeded the advice of the countless travelers who had come before me. The problem was I couldn't ask my roommate (because he's not into this sort of thing) and every friend who I had broached the subject with seemed uncomfortable with the idea. So being the fearless, adventurous type that I am, I read a few accounts online for a bit about people trying it by themselves... And after a little while I decided that It'd be ok to try by myself...big mistake.

My friend also told me that the yellow crystalline powder he had wrapped up in a tiny square of tin foil was about enough for 4 doses, so I went by that estimation and sectioned out about 1/4 of the amount I had, and scooped it into the pipe using a small nail file. I made my bed and propped up some pillows, then I put on a Youtube video of some 'Binaural Beats' accompanied by ambient music and visualization graphics which I thought would be cool and trippy to go along with the DMT. These 'Binaural Beats' use differing frequencies played under soft music and are meant to induce deep relaxation and meditation by forcing your brain into oscillating theta-waves. I was feeling calm and relaxed, albeit I could have possibly still been a little stressed from the long day at work. I turned down the lights and set a small candle (un-lit) that had a glass container where I was planning on putting the pipe as soon as I exhaled, as I had heard the effects were so fast that often you forget the thing you're holding is a hot piece of glass.

Session 1 (10:05 PM April 28th, 2015)

I sat with my back propped up on the pillows I had arranged along the headboard and put the glass candle in front of me, then sparked the torch...I had never smoked out of an oil pipe before so it was a bit confusing at first. I fumbled with the torch a bit, but managed to get a few small rips and held them in for just a second each...and immediately tasted the awful metallic, plastic-like vapor as I exhaled and heard what I can only describe as the sound a transformer makes when morphing states and changing. It was loud and shrill and seemed to be coming from inside my skull...not like, in my mind, but literally resonating from the base of my neck and reverberating inside the walls of my skull. My vision changed, got darker and seemed to condense and contort in a perfectly symmetrical way. Like space bending in the center and I remember putting down the pipe and trying to focus on the trippy visualizations on the screen.

At this point I could still tell I was in my room and was aware of everything around me ..my whole room being 'warped' and then the vibrations started. Low at first then louder...vibrating, resonating, oscillation as if space-time were sound waves coming out of a subwoofer but the speaker was me...it was coming out my very center, not my body but my consciousness. At this point I was still 'awake' and aware of my surroundings so I decided before it was all gone and wasted...I should try to take another, fuller hit. I had heard from many testimonials, the true experience feels like you 'break through' and you go...just...elsewhere. Still in a warped daze I hurriedly unfolded the foil and dosed out about a third of what was left in the foil, wrapped it back up and set it aside..then I sparked the torch and ripped it again...hard as fuck this time and then held in the vapor as long as I could.

Before I could even exhale, I felt and heard a deafening loud 'pop' and 'sizzle', like one of those old photographic flash bulbs...followed immediately by a mechanical 'whoosh' sound. In an instant, my vision warped into what I can only describe as a tunnel of fractal light and sound as my entire consciousness and physical form imploded and was sucked into a black hole the size of a pin. I could feel my form exploding and being ripped away atom by atom as I was rocketed backwards across the universe, across infinite space as brightly lit as the sun...it was like that feeling you get at the top of a sky-high roller coaster as you teeter off the edge and plunge into the abyss...only it was backwards, faster than light. Curving and undulating into infinite, Escher-like 'loops' of this one, singular, infinite moment. I immediately felt pure terror and realized I had taken too much, and there was no stopping it now. I was rocketing toward the empty, dark void I somehow knew was fast-approaching behind me. I think at this point I must have started screaming but my voice was absorbed into the whirring mechanical 'banging' of the deafening sound all around me, coursing through me. It sounded like in the movie 'The Matrix' when Neo gets his whole body consumed by the metallic liquid and his scream turns into warbled nothingness. I could see things, images in the blur as I continued to fall and fall deeper, I remember yelling 'what the fuuuuuck' but my voice was still cut down by the broken warbled sound as it stuttered off disappearing into the void.

The images and forms were distorted...escaping description but still infinitely amazing, but because I was facing backwards I could only see what had already passed. There were snippets from my life, visions of things I had done, people I've hurt and regretful decisions I've made, but it was all simultaneous...like a feeling of pure dark energy, like concentrated darkness. It was a morphing cloud-like entity that seemed to be aware of me, and part of me at the same time. I can only describe it as being made up of all the worst parts of myself, the worst experiences I've ever felt...the darkest emotions. However this thing was aware and it spoke to me...not in English but I could understand its meaning. It showed me over and over again all the mistakes I've ever made and I was convinced of its intent, it wanted to keep me there...locked in this infinite dark loop of time. Forever being ripped apart, and re-assembled, and falling, falling endlessly... All the while being shown my own sins on an never-ending feedback loop of static torment. This darkened, morphing, infinite construct was a prison of my own making. I could 'hear' or maybe more like 'feel' a thousand different, distinct voices all around me screaming, not saying but screaming my name over and over again all around me...through me.. And I knew that I had put myself into this place FOR THE REST OF TIME. This was my punishment for coming to this place unprepared, for trying to understand what I had no hope of comprehending until the universe had decided it was my time to die.

Then the voices all around me shifted from a thousand, into a hundred, then twenty...then just one voice yelling my name. The shrill mechanical banging turned into a knock at the door...I stumbled up and felt a sharp pain in my face and all over, my side..my arms. I felt hot blood pouring down from the bridge of my nose...my room was in shambles. I found the light switch and finally opened the door to my roommate who had been outside the door shouting my name banging as hard as he could, afraid to come in. I remember telling him I was okay after I opened the door and I just needed a second. He was like 'did you take some shit?' I nodded as I reached for the bathroom light and steadied myself as I observed the damage in the mirror. My face was fucked...I had hit it on the edge of the bed, or the desk...probably scraped it along the carpet quite a bit because there is a wicked purple and red rug-burn across my face. The bridge of my nose looked like it had been smashed against the edge of something sharp. My body was sore all over, countless scrapes across my arms and shins and a huge bruise on my hip. My head which I must have banged several times felt like a mass of throbbing lumps, and still vibrated with the mechanical oscillation...I felt as If my body was a hologram and the image was still static...not yet fully manifested.

As I staggered out into the kitchen he followed me wide-eyed and frantic asking me what was going on, shouting. I ran to the kitchen sink and started splashing cold water on my face and I realized my roommate was holding a small kitchen knife, frightened. I asked him in an obviously scared and confused voice why he had a weapon, and could he please put it down... He said that he heard me screaming 'what the fuuuuuck' 'whaaaat theee fuuuuucccckkkk!!!!' over and over over, loud banging and crashing noises coming from my room. He threw the knife into a drawer and offered me some water before I started to try to explain. After a few mins of frantic explanation of what had just happened he finally told me why he had been holding the knife...he said he was scared because my screaming was replaced by a deep, demonic voice he swore did not belong to me...his exact words were, 'It sounded like the Devil.'

I feel as if I know now, what lies on the other side...although the experience still frightens me, I am happy I had it even though it was singularly the most utterly terrifying thing I've ever felt. I feel now as though I've been given a second chance at this reality... this consciousness and these series of moments we call life. Now that I know... The next time I go back to that place, I will be prepared.

-Anonymous
(4.29.15-Written 18 hours after the experience.)

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 106095
Gender: Male
Age at time of experience: 30
Published: May 14, 2020	Views: 6,733
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DMT (18) : First Times (2), Entities / Beings (37), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Alone (16)