DOSE:	100 mg	oral	MDMA
	2 hits	oral	Unknown	(blotter / tab)
		smoked	Cannabis

BODY WEIGHT:

125 lb

[Erowid Note: The substance(s) in this report is not properly identified. Although the report is included in the collection, the substance might be something other than the author believed it to be.]
My boyfriend and I wanted to candy-flip so we planned a vibe circle and invited a bunch of friends over to my apartment to trip with us. It was about 8 pm on a Wednesday, and this was my sixth time taking LSD and second time candy-flipping. Ironically, six is my lucky number.

He and I dropped roughly two hits each of this really good LSD via blotter paper and a point each of MDMA mixed in water. We had taken this LSD before and tripped face last time, so we were prepared for an awesome night. We were mostly right… our first mistake: since we got the “LSD” from a trusted friend we skipped testing it. We found out later, after testing what was left, it was actually 2C-T-7 because the friend had mixed up his blotters. I’m still unsure of how much I took, but we figured out it had to be over 13 milligrams because I nearly overdosed and was frying until that Saturday.

After we dropped, things felt pretty fine. I came up at about the same intensity I normally do, nothing was terribly out of the ordinary aside from all my sense of time being completely gone rather than just hindered. We passed a bong around at some point and I think I took about two small rips.

As I was coming up to my peak something felt strange, and I got really sick very fast. I went to vomit and figured it was probably just the molly making my stomach upset, because that often happens to me if I don’t take my points in thirds. A little while after that I was sitting on the couch and slowly it felt like my head was splitting open. I hit my peak when I felt immeasurable pain, then my vision went black, I locked up into the fetal position on the couch, and screamed at the top of my lungs. My boyfriend slapped me to knock me out of it, said something about being calm, and that’s when the universe flipped upside-down and turned inside out. Well, MY universe did… it all unraveled right in front of my eyes. I saw my whole life laid out in front of me, in one giant fractal. There was an overwhelming sense of déjà vu there. Every emotion I’ve ever felt washed over me, and I kept fluctuating between extreme pain to fear to intense pleasure to joy.

It felt like my body was being taken apart cell by cell, piece by piece—every layer of the universe was being peeled away. I couldn’t think, I could barely breathe; I was dying and coming back to life over and over again. I could feel my cells rolling together and tearing apart, and I was watching the fractal twisting itself in and out of oblivion. The universe turned into a flipbook, and my consciousness was in the middle of it all. There was no god, but there was god, but I was god, but I wasn’t god… It’s like I comprehended infinity. It was beautiful, and while I was terrified it all made perfect sense. I’d seen it before, it seems, over many lifetimes or over many eons. I was watching the golden ratio in effect, and I had reached nirvana.

It was in this kaleidoscope world where I figured out why we see fractals when we trip, so I tried desperately to communicate but just couldn’t. This was infuriating because I’m a writer so I knew if I tried hard enough I could explain what I was seeing. Alas, words eluded me! I kept getting frustrated, to the point where I was crying, that I couldn’t describe my trip. Yet, at the same time, I was telepathically communicating with all the people in the room what was happening and they all understood me. They all knew what was going on, they were all there getting the universe torn apart with me, though to a lesser extent. In the back of my mind I kept hearing one of my friends saying “It’s a dream. Wake up.”

My boyfriend has had much more experience with hallucinogens than I have, 2Cs especially, so he was my spirit guide the entire night. I kept looking into his eyes and finding another edge of the universe in them. He was the only thing that kept me tied to reality, and if I got too “far away” he would bite my hand or kiss me to bring me back. The universe told me I’d met my soul mate. It made me exuberantly overjoyed: I kept kissing him, telling him how much I love him, how perfect he is, how he completes me, how I’m so happy I found him on the other side of the universe, and then ask if I could keep him forever. Then sometimes I felt an overwhelming sense of fear that I was dying, would start sobbing, then cling to him and cry “Please don’t go! I just found you! I don’t want to live without you! I don’t want to die!” I was afraid if I fell asleep I’d die, or my boyfriend may not be there if I woke up. It was horrifying, but my boyfriend guided me through it to the best of his ability and was able to pacify me during my mini panic attacks.

A term my friend coined for tripping way too hard is “zooted”, so one of the things I kept saying was “I’m zooted! Zooted, zoooooted, zoooooooted, zoootedzootedzooted!!” One of our favorite things to do whilst tripping is watch The Wachowski sibling’s “Speed Racer”. I loved the show as a child, and for some reason during my trip I would randomly sing “Go Speed Racer, goooo~!” In fact, I hallucinated that I was Speed Racer multiple times, and then I decided that the movie itself is also a giant fractal. Watch that movie and tell me I’m wrong. Seriously. It’s a visual masterpiece. On that one, one of the reasons why I figured out my boyfriend is my soulmate is because he’s the only other person I know who adores the movie as much as I do. Romantic stuff, huh?

After that, I wouldn’t stop speaking in binary (for lack of better term) as if we were living in The Matrix and I was directly translating the code. At this point I’d pretty much convinced myself that the Wachowski siblings invented the universe.

I kept seeing/hearing/saying something along the lines of “You’ve seen this before, and it’s the greatest love story that’s ever been told. The universe is just a bunch of tripping kids. Don’t be afraid. You’ve been here before. Everything’s going to be okay.” My déjà vu was driving me crazy, and I used google multiple times on my phone to look up what I saw, swearing I’d seen it once when I was idly browsing the internet.

I couldn’t stop twisting and writhing where I sat or laid; when I stood I’d turn in circles and grab the air as if I could touch the fractals swimming in my vision. I kept making weird noises, meowing, saying I was a cat, crying like an infant, moaning, groaning. I kept hallucinating I was seeing though other people’s vision, then snapping back into my reality. There were many times where I felt like I wasn’t at all in control, and what I was doing was just the universe settling back into place. I was afraid I’d actually hit the peak of my life when I peaked on this trip and that I’d be stuck moving like that forever. There was a point where I was offered a dab to calm down, which I happily took hoping for it to counteract my zootedness.

The next morning, I was still tripping way too hard, so my now-sober boyfriend took me to the hospital to make sure I would be okay. On our way to the car I cried out and proclaimed my water broke, to which my boyfriend assured me I wasn’t pregnant. When we got to the hospital and I got into the bed, I started hallucinating that I was giving birth. They gave me an antipsychotic (I was too far gone to remember the exact drug they gave me) and over time the universe was slowly catching back up to me.

Laying in the bed, I started turning over less and less as my exhausted brain urged me to sleep. I thought I was going to die if I let myself fall asleep; a small part of me was content with death, but the rest of me demanded I live. My boyfriend was sitting on my left, my roommate was sitting on my right, and a dear friend from high school who came to visit was standing at the foot of my bed. I told them something to the effect of “Thank you all so much for being with me. I love you all. You’re the greatest friends I could ever ask for. Thank you for sharing the universe with me. Thank you for being part of my universe. I can’t wait to experience this all again with you. I can’t wait to do this over and over and over again.”

When I was released Thursday night, I could still see fractals, but this time they were tracers that I was creating. When we got back to my apartment my boyfriend and I cozied up on the couch and I asked him to put on “Speed Racer”. As I was watching the movie, in the back of my mind I was the next 30 years go by, but the details were not clear enough for me to remember any of it. I saw a side-shot of either Speed Racer or Racer X, and that’s when the universe finally settled and I fell asleep. The visuals were gone the next day but up until around Saturday evening I still felt zooted, and things felt like they were repeating themselves. Déjà vu? A glitch in the Matrix? Who knows? My boyfriend took really good care of me, and so did all my friends, which made the experience a lot easier. We also theorized that the MDMA could have helped with the positive side of the ordeal and keeping me tied to reality.

It took me a while for my brain to feel settled and for so long I’d forgotten the details of what happened. It was strange though: a few weeks later, the more I smoked weed the more bits and pieces came together in my memory. Just the other day we lit up a bowl and that’s when I remembered exactly what happened. I was so frightened but also amazed. Once more I tried to describe what I saw, but still no words came. Was I alone in this insanity? I turned to my greatest ally: the interwebs! I quickly came to find that I was far from alone. I found so many more accounts similar to mine about the universe splitting apart on psychedelics. Even the dude who invented LSD saw what I saw! It was this way I was finally able to put into words what I saw and felt.

I figured out what I meant when I said “The universe is just a bunch of tripping kids”: it’s like us psychonauts help the universe move in the golden ratio, or maybe we just bear witness to it every time we trip. Maybe the universe is just helping us rationalize when we hit the peak of a fractal and have to turn over. I’m not sure if I can explain why, but I just know why we see fractals when we trip. Even now I’m not sure how to describe it. The fractals are always there because they’re the seams of the universe, but when we trip we can see them, I guess? I also wondered, when we “peak”, do we literally hit the peak of a fractal then spiral back downwards?

A lot of the people who saw what I saw have sworn off hallucinogens (or drugs in general). Will I? For a long time I was very afraid to trip again. Seeing the universe begin and end all at once was overwhelming… but after some reflection and figuring out what happened, I’m more open to it, ESPECIALLY considering what I took was 2C-T-7, not LSD, and the amount I took almost killed me. That in mind, I feel like I can take on a regular trip just fine and I even welcome the notion.

I keep having mixed feelings about the experience: some days it terrifies me to think about, and other days I’m stoked that it happened. Did I experience ego death? I’m not entirely sure. Hopefully I won’t form any kind of psychosis over the event, which is my only fear. Talking about it helps a lot, which is why I decided to share my story. Right now, I just want to know what happened to me scientifically rather than spiritually. What did I see? Why did I see it? What process of that brain makes this so? Most of my answers came from information about the golden ratio and fractals. More research is in order, and I feel like I wont have any more answers unless I trip again. To zoot or not to zoot? That is the question!

Exp Year: 2015	ExpID: 105686
Gender: Female
Age at time of experience: 20
Published: Nov 5, 2018	Views: 1,852
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LSD (2), MDMA (3) : Small Group (2-9) (17), What Was in That? (26), Train Wrecks & Trip Disasters (7), Combinations (3)